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Profiles In Potential Greatness I

08.20.04 (10:34 am) [edit]

This'll be a recurring feature in my blog, whenever I hear of an old friend or classmate of mine making a name for themselves.

I've always wanted to be famous in some way, through my cartooning, writing, or other skills that I have. And I've always had best wishes for people I once knew in high school who have taken a career path or hobby that had the potential to make them into celebrities. There were girls I knew who went into the modeling profession (like Carmen Beall or Holly Jalufka). There were guys who formed rock bands (Andrew Danner and Ceava Katz in Derelict Train, for instance... other band names that stand out in my mind are Green Factory, Cartoon Monster and Woody's Jukebox). I knew a few cartoonists and artists as well (Jason Morris, Rodney Conley, Nguyen Fong Nguyen).

Some of them are still struggling to be noticed, some of them moved on to other things or settled down, but no one has really hit the big time as of yet. So I thought I'd shine a spotlight on some of those people I've known from back in the day and what they're up to now.

To start this off:

CHRISTINA HERGENRADER

This is how she's known to the many readers of her (so far) four young-adult books. But way back when, I remember Christina Hergenrader when she was Tina Buehring... a lively, outgoing teenager who once shared a journalism class with me. After I graduated, we hung out a lot with our fellow friends Leslie, Jennifer and Albert among others. Sometimes we'd pile into my car and drive around Galveston (and sometimes Houston) aimlessly. After I moved to Dallas, we kept in touch a little bit. I even flew up to Kansas City for her wedding in 1998. Last I heard from her, she was a schoolteacher in the Clear Lake part of Houston... but recently I found out she's become an author as well.

Her "Novel Devotions" series is a faith-based anthology aimed at teenage readers. Each chapter includes Bible verses and some side notes to ponder over as you read. The stories are those of everyday moral situations facing the youth of today... like lying to get ahead, lustful temptations, and getting along with relatives or friends who are less morally minded than you are. Christina's come a long way... I remember when I was helping her write a high school essay over a decade ago. Her stories are quite compelling and ultimately heartwarming, and I like how she throws in names of familiar places and people. I remember folks named Zak, Chance, Lance, Katy and Caroline... and it's cool to see those names in paperback fiction. One of her works even has a guy named Tommy. (Hmmm... I wonder where she got THAT one... naaah, it's probably some other dude from her high school years.)

Anyway, Christina's got her own website, ChristinasBooks.com, and you can get in touch with her through that site. Her books are published through Concordia Publishing, and can be purchased through Amazon.com. Just look for the titles Temptations, Lies and Deceptions, Double Shift or Dangerous Roads. I haven't been able to find these books at most of the local Christian bookstore chains, which is a shame because her stories deserve to be noticed.

Best wishes to "Tina", and may her literary venture be incredibly successful.

My Favorite Songs From 1994 & Beyond

08.11.04 (6:10 am) [edit]

TOM'S TOP 30 OF 1994

1. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
2. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
3. I Alone - Live
4. Regulate - Warren G & Nate Dogg
5. I Stay Away - Alice In Chains
6. Sour Times - Portishead
7. Loser - Beck
8. Corduroy - Pearl Jam
9. Can't Even Tell - Soul Asylum
10. Thunderdome - Messiah
11. Girls & Boys - Blur
12. Flavor In Ya Ear - Craig Mack
13. Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots
14. Miss World - Hole
15. Always - Erasure
16. Seether - Veruca Salt
17. Fantastic Voyage - Coolio
18. Sabotage - Beastie Boys
19. When I Come Around - Green Day
20. What's The Frequency Kenneth - R.E.M.
21. Lucas With The Lid Off - Lucas
22. Come Out And Play - Offspring
23. It's Over Now - Cause & Effect
24. City Song - Luscious Jackson
25. Backwater - Meat Puppets
26. Give It Up - Public Enemy
27. Player's Ball - OutKast
28. Down On The Farm - Tim McGraw
29. Natural Born Killaz - Dr. Dre & Ice Cube
30. Salvation - Rancid

TOM'S TOP 30 OF 1993

1. Numb - U2
2. Regret - New Order
3. Six Feet Deep - Geto Boys
4. Crushed - Front 242
5. Walking In My Shoes - Depeche Mode
6. Bop Gun (One Nation) - Ice Cube with George Clinton
7. Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana
8. Dissident - Pearl Jam
9. Rocket - Smashing Pumpkins
10. My Name Is Mud - Primus
11. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf
12. Whoomp (There It Is) - Tag Team
13. Human Behaviour - Bjork
14. Institutionalized '93 - Suicidal Tendencies
15. Rebirth Of Slick - Digable Planets
16. Sleeping Satellite - Tasmin Archer
17. Sweet Harmony - The Beloved
18. If I Had No Loot - Tony Toni Tone
19. Who Was In My Room Last Night - Butthole Surfers
20. Hip Hop Hooray - Naughty By Nature
21. Butterfly Wings - Machines of Loving Grace
22. Insane In The Brain - Cypress Hill
23. Animal Nitrate - Suede
24. Breakadawn - De La Soul
25. Feed The Tree - Belly
26. Being Simple - Judybats
27. Out There - Dinosaur Jr.
28. Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz
29. Christian Woman - Type O Negative
30. Ordinary World - Duran Duran

My lists for 1992, 1991, 1990 & 1989 are long gone, but I do remember my favorite songs from those years...

#1 in 1992: Tennessee - Arrested Development

#1 in 1991: Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
#2 in 1991 (which was gonna get the #1 spot until Nirvana came along): Gett Off - Prince

#1 in 1990: Groove Is In The Heart - Deee-Lite
#2 in 1990: The Humpty Dance - Digital Underground

#1 in 1989: Fight The Power - Public Enemy

My Favorite Songs From 1995 & 1996

08.10.04 (4:59 am) [edit]

TOM'S TOP 30 OF 1996

1. Where It's At - Beck
2. Pepper - Butthole Surfers
3. Craze - KMFDM
4. Hay (Strollin'On) - Crucial Conflict
5. The Distance - Cake
6. Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand - Primitive Radio Gods
7. Novocaine For The Soul - eels
8. What I Got - Sublime
9. I Hate Work - Pump'n Ethyl
10. Me Wise Magic - Van Halen
11. Blow Up The Outside World - Soundgarden
12. Naked Eye - Luscious Jackson
13. Bittersweet Me - R.E.M.
14. If I Ruled The World - Nas
15. Bulls On Parade - Rage Against The Machine
16. Stakes Is High - De La Soul
17. California Love - 2Pac (R.I.P.)
18. Lay Lady Lay - Ministry
19. Gold Dust Woman - Hole
20. If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow
21. Firestarter - Prodigy
22. Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
23. Wrong Way - Sublime
24. In The Swim - Tool
25. Lovefool - The Cardigans
26. The Light In Your Eyes - LeAnn Rimes
27. Rusty Cage - Johnny Cash
28. Mint Car - The Cure
29. Long Day - Matchbox 20
30. Greedy Fly - Bush

TOM’S TOP 30 OF 1995

1. Heaven Beside You - Alice In Chains
2. The Diamond Sea - Sonic Youth
3. Friend of P - The Rentals
4. Hey Man Nice Shot - Filter
5. Army Of Me - Bjork
6. Lump - The Presidents of the United States of America
7. My Friends - Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. Electric Head Part II - White Zombie
9. Juke Joint Jezebel - KMFDM
10. Higher State Of Consciousness - Josh Wink
11. I Got Id - Pearl Jam
12. Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morrisette
13. Natural One - Folk Implosion
14. Free As A Bird - The Beatles
15. Chains - The Wolfgang Press
16. Sold - John Michael Montgomery
17. Champagne Supernova - Oasis
18. Gangsta’s Paradise - Coolio
19. I’ll Stick Around - Foo Fighters
20. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
21. In The Name of the Father - Black Grape
22. A Girl Like You - Edwyn Collins
23. Down By The Water - PJ Harvey
24. Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me - U2
25. Car Song - Elastica
26. Walking Contradiction - Green Day
27. Piranha - Tripping Daisy
28. Universal Heartbeat - Juliana Hatfield
29. Stars - Hum
30. A Little Bit Of You - Lee Roy Parnell

My Favorite Songs From 1997 & 1998

08.09.04 (5:10 am) [edit]

TOM'S TOP 20 OF 1998

1. "Intergalactic" - Beastie Boys
2. "Spark" - Tori Amos
3. "Only When I Lose Myself" - Depeche Mode
4. "The Dope Show" - Marilyn Manson
5. "Flagpole Sitta" - Harvey Danger
6. "Rosa Parks" - OutKast
7. "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies
8. "It Ain't My Fault" - Silkk The Shocker
9. "Sonic Bloom" - Tripping Daisy
10. "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" - Offspring
11. "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls
12. "Touch It" - Monifah
13. "Money Ain't A Thang" - Jay-Z
14. "You Get What You Give" - New Radicals
15. "Circles" - Soul Coughing
16. "Closing Time" - Semi-sonic
17. "Hooch" - Everything
18. "Given To Fly" - Pearl Jam
19. "Celebrity Skin" - Hole
20. "Push Erase" - Grand Street Cryers

TOM'S TOP 20 OF 1997

1. "Home" - Depeche Mode
2. "Bitter Sweet Symphony" - The Verve
3. "Everlong" - Foo Fighters
4. "My Own Prison" - Creed
5. "The Battle Of Who Could Care Less" - Ben Folds Five
6. "Pictures Of Matchstick Men" - Ozzy Osbourne & Type O Negative
7. "Sweet Surrender" - Sarah MacLachlan
8. "Tubthumping" - Chumbawumba
9. "Breathe" - Prodigy
10. "Bachelorette" - Bjork
11. "Hitchin' A Ride" - Green Day
12. "Four Leaf Clover" - Abra Moore
13. "The Joint" - EPMD
14. "The Impression That I Get" - Mighty Mighty Bosstones
15. "Walking On The Sun" - Smash Mouth
16. "Gone Away" - Offspring
17. "Sell Out" - Reel Big Fish
18. "Triumph" - Wu Tang Clan
19. "Volcano Girls" - Veruca Salt
20. "Listen" - Collective Soul

My Favorite Songs From 1999

08.08.04 (2:10 pm) [edit]

Rest assured there's NOTHING in here by the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, or *shudder* Ricky Martin.

1. The Great Beyond - R.E.M.

2. Three Point One Four - Bloodhound Gang

3. Enemy - Days Of the New

4. My Name Is - Eminem

5. Wanna Be A Baller - Lil Troy

6. Get Real Paid - Beck

7. Anthem for the Year 2000 - Silverchair

8. We're In This Together - Nine Inch Nails

9. Nobody's Real - Powerman 5000

10. Mudshovel - Staind

11. Nookie - Limp Bizkit

12. Let Forever Be - Chemical Brothers

13. Steal My Sunshine - Len

14. Why I'm Here - Oleander

15. Boyz N The Hood - Dynamite Hack

16. Maria Maria - Santana with The Product G&B

17. Take a Picture - Filter

18. Promises - Cranberries

19. Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Peppers

20. Drive - Incubus

My Favorite Songs From 2000

08.08.04 (2:04 pm) [edit]

I guess part of me always wanted to be a music critic or columnist. For almost a year I WAS a columnist for Buzzmonger, an underground local music zine, so I guess that counts as something. You can sample some of my stuff from that era by clicking on the "Other Written Works By Thomas" link on the left.

That stint didn't last long - the zine folded after the July 1997 issue - but I kept track of what songs I liked in case I found a columnist job elsewhere. And actually, I've been doing these lists since 1990, when I was part of the college newspaper. My tastes in individual songs can be anywhere from a genuinely honest pop song, to a kick-your-ass metal anthem, to a smooth or funky rap track sampling a older favorite song, to a down-n-dirty beer-drinkin' country song.

So for the next few days, I'm gonna put up my lists from the past, starting with 2000 and going back to 1993.

First off, my top 30 from 2000:

1. Country Grammar - Nelly

2. B.O.B. - OutKast

3. Minority - Green Day

4. How Many Licks - Lil Kim

5. The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang

6. Last Resort - Papa Roach

7. Whistle While You Twurk - Ying Yang Twinz

8. Follow Me - Uncle Kracker

9. Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

10. Bag Lady - Erykah Badu

11. Beautiful Day - U2

12. My Generation - Limp Bizkit

13. Murder on Music Row - George Strait and Alan Jackson

14. #1 Stunna - Big Tymers

15. Miss Jackson - OutKast

16. The Real Slim Shady - Eminem

17. Fiction (Dreams In Digital) - Orgy

18. Stupify - Disturbed

19. Sunset (Bird of Prey) - Fatboy Slim

20. Judith - A Perfect Circle

21. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

22. Shake Ya Ass - Mystikal

23. Music - Madonna

24. Sometimes I Don't Mind - Suicide Machines

25. Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon

26. Revolution Is My Name - Pantera

27. I.C. Y'all - De La Soul

28. Stand Inside Your Love - Smashing Pumpkins

29. American Badass - Kid Rock

30. Hello - Ice Cube

Say what???

08.06.04 (5:12 pm) [edit]

I'd rather see you dead, little girl than to be with another man.
You'd better keep your head, little girl, or I won't know where I am.
You better run for your life if you can, little girl,
Hide your head in the sand, little girl,
Catch you with another man, that's the end, little girl.

Guess who wrote these lyrics.... Eminem? Marilyn Manson? DMX? Insane Clown Posse?

Nope.

Try John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

And this was still during the Beatles' pre-Sgt. Pepper era, when they were still seen as squeaky-clean mop-tops. The above lyrics came from the last song on their "Rubber Soul" album. And believe me, if that album was released today, all those women's anti-violence organizations would be raising hell about that song.

But that's not the point I'm really trying to make here. Next... guess where THIS is from:

"A tossed salad is, get ready, hold on to your underwear for this one, oral anal sex, So oral sex with the anus is what that would be ... A rainbow party is an oral sex party. It's a gathering where oral sex is performed and rainbow comes from all of the girls put on lipstick and each one puts her mouth around the penis of the gentleman or gentlemen who are there to receive favors and makes a mark ... in a different place on the penis, hence the term rainbow."

You'd probably guess the Howard Stern Show, or Opie & Anthony or some other "shock jock" program. But no, it's from... hold on to your underwear again.... The Oprah Winfrey Show. Yes, THAT show. The TV talk show that most affiliates run in the middle of the day, when young children might be channel-surfing.

Howard's bosses would never let that conversation get out on his show. And when he challenged the Federal Communications Commission to come down on Oprah for that statement the same way they've done him, so far the FCC has seemed reluctant to do anything to Oprah. In fact, some members of the FCC were quoted as saying that Oprah Winfrey was too "beloved" for them to trouble her with any fines, while Howard was a "lightning rod" that deliberately attracts controversy.

Double standard? That's what it sounds like to me. Is this what you want in your government?

Just something to think about as you're deciding who to vote for in the upcoming elections. Free speech is something that may make some people uncomfortable, but it's still worth defending. Especially since you never know exactly who will be the next to say some shocking, controversial stuff. And it may be somebody you least expect to say something shocking.

My wife is 24 today

08.04.04 (10:01 am) [edit]

Just a quick note... a Happy Birthday to my dear wife Kristi, who turns 24 today. She's celebrating it today by taking some final exams at college. Ah well, at least there'll be a bunch of nice presents waiting for her when she gets home.

And a big howdy to everyone in TBlog-land. I've been running my own blogs (or commentaries) at my own website for just over three years now... which took a lot of cutting, pasting, checking, rechecking, and uploading. I decided to move my mind-spewage to this site to make the publishing simpler for me, as well as to get my thoughts out to a wider audience. Yesterday I uploaded my entire collection of past works to this site. Just visit the August archives to see everything I've submitted for your approval over the past three years.

The Incredible Importance Of Voting (from July 30, 2004)

08.03.04 (4:16 pm) [edit]

With the conventions upon us, and just over three months away from Election Day, I decided to redo a piece on voting that I wrote eight years ago. I hoped the piece would come out early enough for people to be able to still register for that upcoming presidential election, but external circumstances beyond my control led to the particular issue being delivered too late. So this time around I hope I can get the word out early enough... If I can stir one person who reads this into registering to vote, I'll be happy. I've been participating in every election that I could, so I know how complicated it can be to get from point A (not having a clue) to point B (standing right in front of that voting kiosk and ready to press/punch/mark away). I hope to make clear what one has to go through to become an informed and active voter with the following essay. So read on:

The day is fast approaching when the American public will choose who will lead them for the next four years, as well as their assigned representatives and such. And when I say the American public, I very well mean YOU. You sitting there reading this blog and all those folks around you. In case you haven't figured it out yet, the main point of this month's column is: Get out there and VOTE. Tuesday. November 2nd. The ballot box. BE THERE.

I'm saying it this month instead of next month for the benefit of those of you who haven't yet registered to vote. To actually vote you need a voter registration card. To get the card you go to the post office (or library, or any party headquarters or Driver's License office), fill it out, and mail it. It usually takes 30 days for you to get your card, so if you're reading this before October 2nd, you still have a chance.

Once you get your card, take a look at it. Where it says "Prec. No.," that is the number of the precinct you are in. (If you're lucky, your card will also list your Congressional District, as well as the State House & Senate districts. If not, you can visit congress.org to obtain this vital information.) When Election Day rolls around, your local newspaper or official municipal website will list all the precinct numbers and the voting places for these precincts. Find out where yours is voting, and make it a point to get there before 7:00 p.m. (the national cutoff point for voting).

It's ... ahem ... that easy. Okay, I know it's a lot to go through just to have a say in your government, but believe me, it's all there to eliminate voter fraud, so that some political swindler won't stack up five "NO" votes against your one "YES" vote. There is, of course, room for improvement - they should start making Voter Registration Cards the size of driver's licenses so you can carry one around in your wallet - but right now, as it is, the process is fairly simple.

A good voter takes part in ALL elections, not just the ones for President. You also have congressional representatives, senators, state legislators, county commissioners, and City Council members representing you in the various levels of government. Your state also has many referendums - or is it referenda? referendi? Anyway, they are proposed laws that await your approval. And it only happens on one Tuesday in November, not to mention a few Saturdays throughout the year, so you can't say voting gets in the way of your life.

Of course, a good voter is also an informed voter. Call the offices of those running for public office (or the offices of the parties they represent). Tell them how you live your life, what you believe in, etc., and ask them if they support a government that won't get in the way of your beliefs or your lifestyle. Remember, they represent YOU when it comes to running the country. They do all the dirty work in Congress so you don't have to. And you're the ones that send them to Washington or your state capitol with your vote.

It's sad that half of our over-18 population doesn't care where our country is headed. Maybe they do care, but are too busy to vote on Election Day, and thus we should get the word out more about Early Voting. (You can actually vote up to 17 days before Election Day.) Some of them probably bitch about the government all the time, and yet they don't vote because it's not the hip thing to do, the fucking hypocrites. Some are turned off by all the candidates, and don't want to vote for anybody, to which I say: Look beyond all the negative ads and the made-for-TV rhetoric, find out what these people really believe in, and vote for the least repulsive candidate. Hold your nose if you have to. You don't even have to tell anybody who you voted for.

Look, these organizations aren't bullshitting when they say "Your vote is your voice," "If you don't vote, don't complain" and so on. There are new rules being passed by our lawmakers all the time that affect your way of life. You never know what they may pass next; it might be a general curfew, a citywide dress code, or some other ridiculous law that they may want you to believe is "in the best interest of the general public."

Those are YOUR representatives in Congress passing the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act, the Defense of Marriage Act, and so on ad nauseum. And these people are there to serve YOU, because they know that if the majority of YOU don't think they're doing a good job, they may find themselves kicked out of the legislature by YOUR votes.

We CAN control our future. We don't have to put up with radical groups telling us how to eat, how to fuck, what we can/can't say or what we can/can't put on (or through) our bodies. We can get involved in the lawmaking process NOW, and become model citizens, nose bolts and all, to the next generation of youngsters.

But we have to start somewhere. So on Tuesday, November 2nd, get off your ass and VOTE. If the people you vote for win, you can say you helped put them there. If they don't, then you have every right to bitch about what's wrong with your country. But ONLY if you vote.

Got it? Good. See you at the ballot box.

The One Year Point (from June 7, 2004)

08.03.04 (4:14 pm) [edit]

Sometimes it only seems like yesterday that I was standing there in the church, facing her in her beautiful wedding gown, sliding rings on each other's fingers, and being declared husband and wife. The past year has been filled with ups and downs, but throughout it all the love has stayed very strong indeed.

This is basically uncharted territory for me... no other relationship I was in ever lasted this long. And I have every intention to have this one last the rest of my life. She's definitely worth it all.

So what endears me to the love of my life, this small-town girl from Mineral Wells who captured my heart almost three years ago?

Well, to start off with, I'm a sucker for a cute face, as I've said before. You can check my photo gallery for proof of that. I'll be laying down on the couch with my eyes closed, just all worn out from the day. And suddenly I'll feel a tapping on my leg, I'll open my eyes and the first thing I'll see is her smiling face which can just warm my tired old heart. And there's reminders of her smiling face all around, in the photographs she's had taken - both with and without me - and the drawings I made of her.

It's also the way she loves me and cares about me. And her honesty in doing so. If there's a problem, she'll tell me about it calmly and sincerely. She doesn't play games, she isn't deceitful, she's true and unwavering in her loyalty to me, as I am loyal to her.

Finally, what further endears me to her is her wit. There's never a dull moment when she's around. She may seem to get on my nerves, with all the tapping and the tickling and whatnot... but when she has to stay overnight at her parents' house for work or school or whatever, the absence of her loving playfulness is felt all too much... and I miss having her around.

If she has any faults or little discrepancies of her own, I don't really notice them. My only concern is that sometimes she can be a bit too hard on herself. But when all is said and done, she's been, and always will be, the perfect wife for me.

Happy Anniversary, my sweetheart! I love you!

(And please remember that when you read the following!!!)

Kristi's ten favorite names to call me:
(Yes, these are all in good fun... please don't get the wrong idea about her)

Punkarelli

Buttcrack Man

Cujo

Spazoid

Butthead

Joe Bob

Freakazoid

Smartass

King Of No Answer

Crack Smoker

Ten things I do that (understandably) annoy the hell out of her:

Leaving the cabinets open in the kitchen.

Leaving cans or empty cups everywhere.

Leaving newspapers everywhere.

Not putting clothes in the hamper.

Not cleaning up after myself in the kitchen.

Rolling my eyes at her.

Walking too fast and getting too far ahead of her.

Driving too much like a maniac.

Buying stuff like CD's or DVD's when money is a bit tight.

Taking too long to find a gas station with the lowest gas price.

My ten favorite "Kristi-isms":

Hay's for horses, aren't you glad you're a jackass!!!

You know, you THINK you're funny... but you're really NOT!

How do I love thee... let me count the ways... (usually said after I do something that annoys her... see above)

Hey... there's a (object that I just ran into or tripped over) there.

What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?

No frickin' way!

Would you like me to throw up on you? (usually said after I ask her if she would like some seafood/Spam/Chinese food)

I would do that for you, you know.

You're excused... bathroom's down the hall!

P-A-T... I-E-N... C-E-E-E-E... (sung to the "Mickey Mouse Show" theme)

I have invited her to post her own thoughts on our one year as a married couple.
So now, for the first time ever, here's what's on Kristi Overbeck's mind:

People often ask me, "So, how is married life?" I automatically reply that it is fine. In truth, it is great! I was never really nervous about marrying Thomas. Mostly I was nervous I would trip and fall down the aisle or something equally embarassing, but the wedding went off without any problems. And this last year has gone by without major problems also. Yes, we've had our arguments and differences, but have always worked them out. For the most part without a lot of arguing.

We have had to spend a bit of time apart with my traveling to finish college and working, but Thomas has been very supportive and understanding about everything. In fact, he vary rarely gets upset with me, and for that I am thankful. These last three years together have been the best for me, and I can hardly wait to see what the future holds in store for us.

My parents gave me an excellent example of what a healthy marriage should be like. A lot of the things that I do and ways that I think come from the way my mom and dad are together. When Tom and I first got married and were working through the trivial stuff that seemed to be my stock answer, "I want to do it like my parents do." I thank God for their example, and all that they have done for me.

Thomas, you have been a blessing to me. This last year has had its ups and downs, but it has been a happy one. I couldn't ask for a better husband. I feel as if I have gotten to know more about you in the last year then in the first two years we dated. I love you more every day for your patience, sense of humor, and willingness to put up with me!!!

I love you,

Kristi

A Really Bad Case Of Gas (from May 23, 2004)

08.03.04 (4:09 pm) [edit]

It didn't take long for me to feel like I'm getting mugged at the gas station.

I knew many others - those who drove large pickups, sport utility vehicles, luxury "land yachts" and other vehicles with a 20-or-more-gallon fuel tank - were feeling the pinch long before I did. But for most of my 16-year driving experience, I've only driven small fuel-efficient cars such as my present vehicle, a 1997 Ford Escort. It's a nice little car that can take me 300-plus miles before the "Low Fuel" light comes on. And that usually runs me 10 or 11 gallons per fill-up. I'm used to stuff like that, with the price rollercoaster going anywhere from $1.20 to $1.40 a gallon.

Now those 10 or 11 gallons are beginning to cost me over 20 dollars. That's got me a bit worried... for myself, for my wife AND for my household in general, not to mention the economy. My wife is still working on getting her bachelor's degree in December, so she has to make a 140-mile round trip from east Fort Worth to Tarleton State in Stephenville once every few days for the rest of this year. And her 2002 Olds Alero gets a little less gas mileage than mine. All that driving eats up more and more of our budget as the pump prices now average around two bucks a gallon.

You know it's not just regular car-driving people that are going to take a hit in their wallets for the fuel inflation. Prices for most everything will be going up a bit, as delivery drivers who deliver those goods will have to charge more to the shopkeepers to cover the rising cost of gas used to get those goods there. And the shopkeepers will either have to take a pay cut, lay off their workers, or mark up the prices of those goods. Many have done the first two already, and with gas prices still rising, have no choice but to follow the last option. It's no secret that the price of moving stuff around affects everybody.

So who or what's to blame for this calamity? Well, there's no clear answer, as fingers point everywhere.

Some blame the Middle Eastern nations for being miserly with their oil production. The OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) members agreed to cut production a little bit despite surging seasonal demand for more gas, and with the usual economic theory of less supply + more demand = higher prices, the price per barrel of crude oil goes up, resulting in higher rates per gallon down the line.

Some blame the vast car-buying public for buying en masse bigger vehicles that give poorer gas mileage. Not long ago there was a healthy share of cars on the road that were decent in terms of miles-per-gallon. But as more and more people started buying the gas-guzzling sport utility vehicles, maybe because of their commanding presence on the road or maybe because of their higher safety rating, they started using more gas than their old cars for their everyday business. Multiply that into the millions and you get increased demand for more fuel, and all of a sudden, the oil drillers can't keep up with demand like they used to, and at the same rate of output a few years ago.

Still others blame the oil companies for either deliberately keeping the refinery rate at a sluggish pace, or not having enough foresight to build new refineries to keep the gasoline coming. I understand that even if oil production went to a fever pitch, it wouldn't make a difference to pump prices since all that oil is running into a bottleneck at the refineries, and at top capacity what used to be a generous flow is now seeming more like a small trickle when faced with the growing demand for fuel.

Some will even blame the government - state and/or federal - for anything from not passing legislation reducing gas taxes or increasing domestic drilling, to making it extremely hard for oil companies to build more refineries to keep up with demand.

And some still say that hey, we've relatively had worse before, that when adjusted for inflation, we were paying a lot more in the early 80's, when $1.35 a gallon back then would seem like $2.95 a gallon in today's dollars. And yeah, I know gas prices are dirt cheap in my part of America while San Francisco or Chicago pays 50% more per gallon. And even then, that's less than what gas costs in places like Europe, where a multitude of taxes put the price per gallon to four or five U.S. dollars. Well, that's a small comfort, but that's not going to balance my personal budget, pal.

But whatever the cause or who's to blame, there is no clear answer for solving the problem. Our current president used to be in the oil business, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was reluctant to do anything that would drive down the price of gas, resulting in less profits for his big-oil buddies.

What about the alternative-energy vehicles? Right now, still expensive and almost none of them are a viable alternative to a traditional gas-guzzler. Believe me, if I could pay around $270 a month for one of those new Ford Escape hybrid SUVs, I'd jump on the waiting list now. The fuel-electric hybrid vehicles are a good start, but you're still gonna have to pay at the pump and be at the whims of the powers-that-be controlling the oil prices... and if you need a new battery, those are gonna cost way more than your normal car battery. Oh, and did I mention that these new vehicles cost as much as a super-size luxury SUV, and there's a huge waiting list for them?

The same goes for all-electric cars. Not much effort is really going into improving these kinds of vehicles, especially when General Motors last year discontinued production of its EV1 pure-electric car, a vehicle that took 6-8 hours to power up, could only go as fast as 60 miles per hour, and could only go about 80 miles between charges. And the smaller independent companies aren't doing any better, save for a family-run small business in Spokane, Washington (at commutercars.com), whose Tango cars are causing a stir in their part of the country.

Natural-gas vehicles? Well, it's costing less than gasoline these days to run a car powered on natural gas. It burns a lot cleaner. And most of it's right here at home, so we don't have to suck up to the Middle East to get it. But otherwise it's the same old song... premium cost, huge waiting list. And natural gas resources are finite, just like crude oil. Maybe our generation and a few more after ours won't have to worry about that, but that doesn't stop me from thinking long-term here.

The hydrogen fuel-cell vehicles are showing some promise as well, but mass production of those types are years away. And I'm sure there's still a few bugs to work out.

As of this posting, there is news of crude oil's price going down after Saudi Arabia promised to boost oil production. There may be a decline in pump prices that'll (hopefully) end at around $1.25 a gallon. But I know at some point, the gas prices will be back on the rise and we'll all be bellyaching again for some sort of solution. This vicious cycle could go on and on, with the low point of gas prices itself creeping higher, so we might as well step up the development of alternative-energy vehicles now. We're not gonna have crude oil forever, so we better be able to put something else in place before we have a major crisis on our hands.

As A Trend, As A Friend, As An Old Memory (from April 5, 2004)

08.03.04 (4:05 pm) [edit]

Has it really been ten years since Kurt Cobain killed himself? Shit, time goes by pretty quick sometimes.

I remember where I was, just like any other Nirvana fan would recall what he or she was doing upon hearing the news that Kurt shot himself to death. I was busy working on some video project at my place of employment in Houston, when a co-worker told me of the bad news. I could hear him tell a co-worker something along the lines of "Tom's not gonna like this... that was one of his favorite bands."

When Nirvana first released their Nevermind album in the fall of 1991, I never thought I'd get into that kind of music. I was still mostly into rap and industrial-dance music at the time. But the melodic noise eventually grew on me, and it wasn't long before I was in possession of a Nevermind cassette. While I didn't become a Nirvana fanatic, I still bought the albums and kept track of their happenings... the manic touring, Kurt's marriage to Courtney Love, their child Frances Bean, the Unplugged session, and so on. Once Nirvana was all over with, I had deeper appreciation for the louder side of rock.

The death of one of the most influential musicians of our generation is an indelible point in history, indeed. But what magnifies this turning point more is the shift in the musical landscape that coincided with it.

For me, 1994 was the year that "alternative rock" ceased to be a description of a specific type of music, and mutated into some all-encompassing term of style that almost any kind of band could adopt to seem hip with the younger generation. Instead of featuring musicians experimenting with fresh new sounds, record labels along with radio stations started pushing bands that purely emulated the rock sounds of years ago, absolutely no experimentation in mind... but hey, they dress hip, have tattoos and piercings in strange places, and their latest video was directed by Spike Jonze, so it's "alternative rock"! Honest!

Yeah, right. No offense to bands like Counting Crows, Blues Traveler, Spin Doctors, Black Crowes, et al. ...These folks make some real good honest-to-God rock-n-roll music, but I just couldn't personally categorize them in the "alternative rock" department. There should have been a new "genre" made up for these kind of bands. "Neo-blues-rock", "roots-rock", "neo-hippie-ish jam bands", anything but the co-opting of a term that was for the most part defined by artists like R.E.M., the Pixies, Nirvana, Juliana Hatfield and so on. And once I started hearing the likes of Melissa Etheridge and Hootie & The Blowfish on the "alternative-rock" radio stations, and once their videos started showing up on MTV's "120 Minutes" show, I knew that the "alternative" brand was selling out, turning into a watered-down version of what the term used to mean.

But I guess I got used to it. Among the roots-rock camp, I liked the Dave Matthews Band the best and would consider them "alternative". From there the genre assimilated the retro-sounding bands and would go on to lump in rap-metal, brat-punk and 80's-style new wave as well. I never thought I'd miss alternative rock as I once knew it... until I listened to an old Pixies CD that I bought at a garage sale. That's when I started wondering what the hell happened.

There's a few bands on your average everyday alt-rock station that do show some promise. Lostprophets, playing "Last Train Home", remind me of old-school-Soul-Asylum (and I mean before they ever thought of "Runaway Train"). The Strokes play like they're straight out of the 1979 New Wave scene. The White Stripes kinda remind me of the Spinanes from the early nineties: they're a two-person band (one male, one female), and they have that avant-garde indie-rock vibe to them. (The Spinanes never had a crazy-cool red-n-white color scheme, though.) And as for the surviving Nirvana alumni... while we don't hear much of Krist Novoselic (I need to get that Eyes Adrift CD), Dave Grohl soldiers on with his Foo Fighters band, keeping the spirit of his old band alive in his own unique way.

I hear that in some parts of the radio world, there's a new format being taken for a trial run, called "classic alternative". Where the focus is on not only the experimental artists that defined the sound of what used to be called "college rock", but newer bands that have that same spirit in their sound. Maybe it's still a bit too early to reminisce about the 1990's. (Did you know VH-1 is ALREADY working on "I Love The 90's"?) But since we've been far removed from the grunge-and-indie scene of the early nineties, one can get that nostalgic fondness for that era hearing Lush or Sonic Youth again. It's good to hear that the Pixies have reunited to play some shows this summer, anyway.

Sometimes I wonder how things would have gone if Kurt survived to this day. Well, fate can throw you a loop sometimes. But at least these recent developments in the music world show some promise that alternative rock could sound fresh again.

What In The Heavens... (from March 23, 2004)

08.03.04 (4:00 pm) [edit]

Sometimes, a devout season such as Lent can really get me thinking in the spiritual sense. All kinds of questions can get in my head, like "Why am I here?" Or "Am I really doing good with my life?" Or "Who are the Protestant jokers that came up with the idea to put Spring Break right in the middle of Lent?" Or "Will Marty Haugen ever come up with another service-music composition that could possibly outdo his 'Mass Of Creation' monster?"

But more often than those, I seem to resort to thinking about "What's in store for me after I die?" I know I've covered this before in "What's Forever For", one of my first blogs, but being a Christian raised in the Catholic faith, I do tend to side with the heaven-and-hell speculation, so I'm just gonna dwell on that.

I would never assume that I'm guaranteed a trip to heaven after I die. There are those religions that say you just have to accept Jesus as your lord and savior, and there's other religions that pile on a lot more prerequisites than that. Even though opinions differ on how your life has to be lived in order to qualify for heavenly access, I know I've gotta strive to keep my soul's nose clean, just in case. Yes, I do believe there is a hell too, and that's where all the genuinely evil, cruel, heartless souls go for eternal roasting and torment.

But I believe there's other options, too... some talk of purgatory, some talk of a "limbo" where unbaptized babies go. I like Dante's idea of a multi-level hell, ranging from the extreme fire and torture pit to something like limbo or purgatory, an environment that's just like Earth, where all that would torment one's soul is the eternal absence of God and his grace. I personally don't believe God would be that sadistic to his people and send all condemned souls to eternal fiery torture for the smallest infraction. I mean, if we're created in God's image, then our reasoning, while nowhere near God's capacity of reasoning, would still be similar to God's, albeit very limited in scope... and we don't subject lawbreakers to the death penalty for every single offense from murder to shoplifting gum, now do we? (I hope I made sense here. I admit that complicated points are hard to get across for myself.)

As a Christian, I do my best to follow my man Jesus, and one teaching of his that I keep in mind is "what you measure with will be measured against you... judge not, lest ye be judged". I like to think I'm quite lenient in that aspect. And if, God forbid, the requirements to enter heaven are ultra-strict and out of reach, all I ask is that I be sent somewhere that doesn't involve fire and torture, as I would never want to torment or torture others.

But back to my idea about heaven. Some folks say that heaven is a place of paradise, where all your wildest dreams come true and you are rewarded with great riches according to your performance on Earth. Some say it's simply another dimension where your soul is reunited with God for all eternity. Of course, in entirely different religions, there is no heaven. For me, however, I do believe that heaven is a very real place. And the following is what I believe that this place consists of.

Either heaven is located somewhere beyond the universe, or it exists in a different dimension within the universe. It's certainly as vast as the universe. And there is a constant connection between heaven and the universe, which would explain how ghosts and/or guardian angels would be present on Earth. However, if heavenly souls can no longer visit Earth, I would hope that in heaven there is an "Earth simulator", so that those souls who died without accomplishing everything they ever wanted to do on Earth would be able to do those things in the Earth simulator.

This simulator would be able to conjure up anything in the human imagination and beyond, so that if you wanted to ride a horse or drive a Dodge Viper or eat a full-course filet mignon dinner, the simulator would pull it all out of thin air, and no animals would be harmed in the process. You can eat all you want and never gain weight. And you could still visit the real Earth in spirit... while you wouldn't be able to do much there, you can still observe the events taking place.

Those who died before they could fall in love, get married, experience sex and/or raise their own kids would be able to do all of that in heaven if they wanted, maybe through role-playing or something like that. However, if you just don't feel right with getting everything handed to you and you would rather go back to the linear decision-making and chance-taking of real life, you should be able to have that option of being reincarnated and reborn. Either that or be able to live a normal life in the Earth simulator, limited memory and all, if reincarnation isn't possible.

And about that memory part: My theory is that once you die, your soul is infused with unlimited worldly knowledge and wisdom. You would be able to see into other people's souls and minds, and understand why people behaved the way they did. You would understand why the school bully took your lunch money all the time, why your boss was so mean to you, why your first girlfriend cheated on you, why the mean dictator you saw on the news treated his people like crap. And you would be able to forgive them all, because all you feel is an extreme, intense joy in your soul, with no bodily mood swings to get in the way.

You can assume any form you want with your soul, whether it be a little child or a mature adult or even an animal. And you would still instantly recognize other people even if they're in a form unfamiliar to you. If you wanted to find somebody and meet them, you would instantly know where they are and zip straight over to them. If someone you loved dearly was unfortunate to end up in hell, I imagine there could be an otherworldly "visiting room" like the prisons have where heavenly and hellish souls could communicate with each other.

These thoughts of mine are pretty much based on what I believe about God, reading from various bible passages. Also inspiring me in these thoughts are many movies and stories based on the afterlife, such as "Defending Your Life" and "What Dreams May Come". God did assure us that in heaven, every tear would be wiped from our eyes, that we would receive whatever we asked for, and that we would be eternally happy and joyous. And for that to be possible, I believe that God would be able to satisfy our earthly desires that went unfulfilled while living on Earth. If it made us upset that we wouldn't be able to marry in heaven, or visit with our dear friends who were unfortunately hellbound, that would go against God's promise, now wouldn't it?

I just hope eternal life doesn't get boring after a few trillion years of it. I've already talked about that in my first commentary, so I won't go any further on that... all I'm gonna say is I'm sure God will have the answers for me about coping with eternity.

A Time And A Place (from Feb. 27, 2004)

08.03.04 (3:56 pm) [edit]

Well, that old adage "Be careful what you wish for" certainly rings true for me. I was hoping that this year's Super Bowl, which was being held for the first time in 30 years in my one-time hometown of Houston, would be memorable in some way. And while the game was one of those rare Super Bowl games that was suspenseful right up to the very end - instead of one team steamrolling the other by the middle of the second quarter - it wasn't any part of the actual game that grabbed the nation's attention.

Yes, I saw it live. Both my wife and I did. And we were like, "What the hell were the halftime shows coming to?"

It wasn't just about Justin Timberlake exposing Janet Jackson's right breast (I'm seeing a lot of media sources saying "Janet Jackson exposed her breast", so I'd like to set the record straight here), which at the time I thought was planned all along by MTV, who presented the halftime show. The entire program was ripe with sexual innuendo and provocative images.

I was thinking (probably along with millions of other viewers) that the halftime show for Houston's Super Bowl would have a genuinely Texan theme to it. Country singers, rockers like ZZ Top or Don Henley, maybe even some Texas-born rappers like Lil' Flip or Scarface. And it would all be a nice, wholesome, feel-good powerhouse of a show that parents would feel safe letting their kids watch.

But instead, we get Nelly doing his infamous "Hot In Herre" song, complete with the line "take off all your clothes"; Kid Rock wearing an American flag as a shirt, then throwing it onto the ground, all the while mentioning "topless dancers" and "crackheads" in one of his hits; and of course, the Janet-Justin tango. Later we would learn that the bodice-ripping incident was an accident, a "wardrobe malfunction" that was supposed to have a different less-flesh-baring result.

The whole thing was definitely not suited for a media event like a Super Bowl halftime show, and CBS and the NFL were justified in denouncing MTV for putting on such suggestive material. But the can of worms that this incident opened up has got me concerned for creative freedom in this great land of ours. The Federal Communications Commission started discussion on raising the fines tenfold for broadcasting indecent material. And out of that came all these media companies testifying before Congress, saying they will be implementing "zero tolerance" or other stringent policies for their broadcasters.

Then Howard Stern got dragged into this quagmire, as a result of Clear Channel dropping his syndicated show from all the stations they run (six of them), because his show broadcast an incident that violated their newly-established "zero-tolerance" policy. At publishing time, no one knows whether this cancellation is temporary or permanent. But you know there's a lot of people in six cities pissed off because they can't hear their favorite morning show.

I can definitely feel for them, because Howard was absent from Dallas airwaves for three and a half years, because: 1) the affiliate his show was running on was taken over by new owners who didn't like the show despite the high ratings and huge public support; 2) the religious groups in the area kept hounding potential advertisers about the evils of his show, and threatened boycotts of their businesses; 3) no other radio stations wanted to pick up the show, partly because of the efforts of those religious groups it would seem extremely difficult to find advertisers for the show; and 4) ultimately the media company that employed Stern had to eventually convert one of their own stations in Dallas into a format that would suit his show best.

Sometimes it seems too easy to intimidate people into supporting censorship, especially if you anger the wrong kind of people (just ask Opie & Anthony, whose radio show was a victim of circumstances beyond their control). And freedom of choice is what greatly suffers in the end.

In the case of radio, maybe it would be all the better for the more provocative programming to migrate to the satellite services, where it would be easier for parents to block the shows from children's ears. It would certainly be a windfall for the two satellite radio companies, XM and Sirius, who right now are still struggling to turn a profit. The formula works well for cable television, where the uncensored programming exists mostly on the pay-per-view or pay-per-month channels. Currently, cable and satellite television (and radio) is not as heavily regulated by the FCC as broadcast radio and TV. But some lawmakers are suggesting more regulation for the cable/satellite companies, which I think is a VERY bad idea.

One of the timeless proverbs I live by is "There is a time and a place for everything." Even for stuff that others may see as "smut". As questionable as my taste in entertainment may seem, I have my own list of "smutty" stuff that I don't like - for example, snuff films, bondage/S&M stuff and nudity on the covers of magazines. Yet I know those things may be wildly popular with many other people. And I feel there is a proper place for stuff like that to be accessible, and with the exception of the nudity on magazine covers, the marketplace has been doing a pretty good job of keeping things deemed unsuitable for children away from the eyes of those children.

I also believe in giving a fair warning before someone sees or hears something that may be inappropriate for children or otherwise offensive. You know, something like "This film is rated R", or "This video game contains graphic violence and some nudity", or even "CAUTION: This section may contain explicit content and mature language, so don't say I didn't warn ya." All forms of media have been pretty good at giving warnings to people about content, so that parents could judge for themselves whether or not it's suitable for their kids to see or hear.

But, ultimately, I am a firm believer in keeping everything reasonably accessible. This is where I draw the line, and if there is talk about banning certain things, making them illegal to possess or sell or do, that is where I start raising hell about it. It's not enough for the right-wing puritans that something offensive to them is safely tucked away from their sight... no, they want it completely gone, banned from the community they live in. As tightly regulated as alcoholic beverages are, they're not available at all for miles around, because some people would rather keep them away from everybody instead of having them covertly available to those whose are old enough to buy them. I do not want other people to decide what is right for me (or any children I might have) to see, hear or buy.

I just hope that when the dust settles, the freedom of speech and expression will still be preserved. I hope the American Civil Liberties Union and other supporters of freedom of speech/expression/choice make their voices heard at these ongoing hearings. We owe it to ourselves and our future generations to keep pushing for our cherished freedoms.

Enough Already (from Jan. 28, 2004)

08.03.04 (3:52 pm) [edit]

When you're an amateur film critic - not getting paid for speaking your mind about movies - you can pick and choose at will what movies you can review, rather than be obligated to evaluate every film out there. As I have mentioned in my Favorites section, I can be very picky in my choices for entertainment. Sometimes a film I half-heartedly choose to see (or my wife drags me to) can be quite surprising. And sometimes a movie I'm real enthusiastic about seeing can turn out to be disappointing... especially when what promises to be an excellent film is instead a run-of-the-mill waste of time loaded with tired cliches.

This is also the reason I don't watch much prime-time television anymore. Most of the time I feel like I've seen it all over and over again and I can't be bothered with having to sit through the same old jokes and lines. And as much as I love comics, many of them rely on gags used millions of times. I can pick up a newspaper on New Year's Day and find at least seven comic strips that use the same old punchline of someone falling asleep at midnight while everyone else rings in the new year. Maybe this is why my comic strip career could never really get started.

And so in the spirit of George Carlin, I shall list my litany of worn-out media cliches that I would love to do without:

I see this a lot in TV sitcoms and some films: Person A asks Person B to do something like dress up in a bunny suit or take the kids to the pizza place. Person B says "I'm not gonna do it, I don't want to do it, there's no way in hell you're gonna get me to do it, and that's final!". And the very next scene, guess what... Person B is doing it. Why even waste our time with the drama? How about coming up with something more original to fill up the time?

Another sitcom gag: Three people are in the same room. Another person comes in, approaches one of the others because they have something serious to discuss. And then the other two leave the room in some humorous fashion, or one prods the other into leaving.

AND... whenever the opportunity arises for a sitcom character to enter a game show, a beauty pageant or some other contest, it seems like 99% of the time that character loses said contest.

I understand and agree that conflict between lovers is vital in a romantic-comedy or drama film plot, but the conflict doesn't ALWAYS have to consist of: the man getting caught by the woman with another woman in some provocative-looking situation; the man going "Wait, I can explain!" or words to that effect; the woman storming off, sometimes slapping the man's face in the process; the man later saying "I'm sorry and I love you" to get her back. The most blatant example of this (the last part, anyway) can be found in the film "Orange County". This one scene almost spoiled the rest of the movie for me.

I see this a lot in action films: The cop or detective working a case messes up and his boss fires, demotes, or otherwise removes him from the case... and then he turns vigilante to go subdue and/or kill the bad guy himself.

If a cereal commercial is aimed at kids, at one point it'll say "Part of this complete (or nutritious) breakfast" and flash a picture of the cereal surrounded by a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice and pieces of toast. Let's be honest: Who REALLY does that with cereal anymore? Cereal was meant to be something that can be assembled and eaten in a hurry, by itself. Maybe some juice on the side as well if we have time, but we have no time for ANOTHER glass of milk and toast. Is this being mandated by the FCC? Is the dairy and bread lobby THAT powerful that they have a strong say in what goes into cereal commercials?

And speaking of cereal commercials, it's time for Trix to come up with a new premise. In this age of civil rights and promoting equality, we're only teaching children to discriminate against others with that simple phrase "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids". And don't get me started with Fruity Pebbles. Have we really reduced Barney Rubble to a scheming moocher? "Watch me trick Fred out of his Fruity Pebbles!" The last thing we need to glorify is swindling and stealing from others.

Fortunately for the most part, commercials haven't crossed over the line in terms of bodily-function humor. But I've noticed way too often, where a commercial skit involves a baby (and it's not for a baby-related product), it seems to always involve the baby needing a diaper change. Oh yeah, and most people do NOT wet or soil themselves when they're frightened.

Another sticking point where commercials are concerned: while I'm all very much for equality of the sexes, can us men PLEASE get our balls back? It seems like 95% of the time, the woman is winning the argument or is otherwise smarter than the clueless, dopey man. And PLEASE stop portraying fathers as dumbfucks when it comes to running a household. I see this WAY too often in medicine commercials for example, where the house and family is falling apart and in chaos, because the mother is sick in bed and the father can't tend to the kids or do any housework right. All I'm asking for is a 50/50 split as to which gender has the upper hand.

OK, maybe one doesn't have a lot of time to be creative because there are deadlines to be met. (I hope this isn't the case most of the time.) And I'll admit, it's not as bad as it used to be, so there's less of a lack of creativity. But there's still enough of this nonsense around here to be an issue with me. If I think of any more, I'll put them in sidebars of future commentaries.

My Dissection of 2003 (from Jan. 1, 2004)

08.03.04 (3:48 pm) [edit]

I gotta say that for me, 2003 was the best year of this century so far. While it had its pitfalls, it was certainly better than the past three years. (And YES, I'm counting 2000. Don't give me that "21st century starts at 2001" crap.)

This is the year that saw me get back into the married life, above everything else. And our lifestyles are blending together quite well. Among the things I admire about my better half, one of the biggies is her patience. I know I drive her crazy sometimes (especially with my driving habits and my leaving clothes on the floor), but she's always been calm and civil whenever she had a bone to pick with me... something that definitely couldn't be said about a certain other person.

2003 is the year that I finally got serious about my health. I know my age and my overweight condition makes me more susceptible to disease, so I know I have to seriously change my eating and exercising habits. I was put on a daily regimen of pills for the first time... one for my cholesterol, one for blood pressure, and one for allergies. I still have to work on the diet-and-exercise thing, though... and for me, getting into those kind of habits can be difficult. But maybe the fear of an early death will aid in my motivation. I'm eating more vegetables and less fast food, at least. Having a wife that can cook excellently doesn't hurt, either.

This year, I've also grown somewhat in my spirituality. I went to the confessional for the first time in years. I joined a young adults group and went to a lot of their "faith-sharing" get-togethers. I participate regularly in a couple of online Catholic forums. And I signed up at a new church with the hopes of being more involved with their parish activities in the coming months.

Building on my accomplishments in 2002 - I'm referring to those first-time-in-a-long-ass- time type things, or even things I did for the first time ever - there were a few of those in 2003. Along with the aforementioned confession, I went to the dentist for the first time in TWELVE years. Miraculously, I had no cavities... but my gums were in poor shape and that had to be taken care of with expensive treatments and special toothpaste and floss. I added another state to the list of states I've visited, which was Arkansas (even if I just barely ventured past Texarkana). I got to chat with acclaimed film director Kevin Smith again, something I haven't done since 1997. I revisited my aunt's vacation home deep in the woods of East Texas for the first time in sixteen years. And last but not least, I took my residual, trivial knowledge about a little-known TV show from the eighties and put it to good use... and hopefully those eighties enthusiasts out there in cyberspace can find some value in The HBO Video Jukebox Reference Pages.

BEST MOMENT OF 2003: No contest there - Kristi and I getting married on June 7th. It was a perfect day, a perfect ceremony, and the start of a strong, loving marriage that hasn't lost its sparkle. RUNNERS-UP: Seeing Kevin Smith again, and meeting Jason Mewes for the first time, at the Wizard World Texas convention in November; seeing some relatives I haven't seen in a long time at an October get-together in Livingston; moving into a nice new apartment in Fort Worth; trading up to a new cell phone with a color screen and camera option.

WORST MOMENT OF 2003: The sudden loss of my wife's grandmother, Macky Turner, in November. I met her only almost two years ago, and she was quite a wonderful and witty lady. I miss her just as much as my wife and her family do. RUNNERS-UP: Kristi's run-in with a deer; the Columbia shuttle tragedy; the cancellation of "The Mich Show"; a defensive-driving class from hell.

BIGGEST DISCOVERY OF 2003: Homestar Runner. A goofy, lovable fellow and a crazy-go-nuts wrestling-masked archrival combine for some of the funniest web-based cartoon comedy.

GREATEST CIVIL-RIGHTS ACHIEVEMENT IN THE TOY WORLD FOR 2003: Lego, at long last, started making African-American people figures earlier this year, as part of their basketball-player collectors series. As a Legomaniac-at-heart, I say: Way to go!

BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO AMERICAN SOCIETY IN 2003: The elimination of sodomy laws targeted at homosexuals, thanks to a Supreme Court ruling in June. I had always thought it was ridiculous to criminalize sexual acts that CONSENTING ADULTS were doing in the PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN HOMES.

TOM'S TOP 20 SONGS OF 2003

1. "Hey Ya", OutKast - Andre 3000 rocks the party with a peppy, upbeat groove that straddles rock and hip-hop. This is a lively and eclectic-sounding jam that's exuberant from the very beginning.

2. "Bring Me To Life", Evanescence - It was bound to happen sooner or later: a rap-metal band with a female lead would take the music world by storm. Their first big hit packs lots of dramatic force.

3. "Seven Nation Army", The White Stripes - A catchy beat by Meg and a funky riff by Jack make a winning combination for the Whites. The video is a sight to behold, too.

4. "Minerva", Deftones - Deftones making a HAPPY-sounding song? Believe it. It may not be what they intended, but this song sounds real lively and - dare I say - invigorating.

5. "Did My Time", Korn - Korn's got their sound down really well, and this track is that sound at its best.

6. "Are You Gonna Be My Girl", Jet - This is one of those addictive garage-rock tunes that's just begging for a commercial or a special movie scene.

7. "Shatterday", Vendetta Red - I'd hate to see this band become a one-hit wonder... all I've heard from them so far is this raucous, energetic singalong. I hope there's more where that came from.

8. "So Far Away", Staind - Aaron Lewis actually makes a song that almost sounds... happy. Even if it isn't, it's still the best track from Staind's "14 Shades of Grey" CD.

9. "Calling All Angels", Train - Wonderfully written and full of soul.

10. "Suga Suga", Baby Bash - "Suga how you get so fly..." When I first heard this, I thought it was a new OutKast song, it was so smooth and eclectic in its rhythm and its rap. Great effort by this new guy from Houston.

11. "Will You", P.O.D.

12. "Swing Swing", All American Rejects

13. "Meant To Live", Switchfoot

14. "Stand Up", Ludacris

15. "Crazy In Love", Beyonce

16. "12:51", The Strokes

17. "Just Because", Jane's Addiction

18. "In Da Club", 50 Cent

19. "Somewhere I Belong", Linkin Park

20. "Feelin' This", Blink-182

Sneezin's Greetings (from Dec. 21, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:43 pm) [edit]

All I want for Christmas is a year's supply of surgical masks.

Not really... but the way this flu season is going, those things may be a good idea to keep on hand. Just now I'm coming off my latest bout with the cold virus, and I'm afraid I may have given that to my wife. So guess who's gonna be playing doctor THIS Christmas...

I try not to get too germophobic about the cold & flu season... but when I read about a strain of flu virus that this year's flu vaccine is unable to combat, or a virus like West Nile or SARS that was reported to have killed perfectly healthy adults, I can't help but get real concerned sometimes. Out in public, I try to steer clear of kids and adults who cough a lot or who otherwise look real sick, while trying not to look like I'm avoiding contact with them.

Colds are no picnic for me. Mine usually start out with a sore throat, followed by a day of two of relentless coughing because my throat feels like it's constantly being pinched, then five more days of off-and-on coughing fits and runny noses before everything starts to clear up. Thanks to my workplace's refusal to give us sick days, my co-workers have to cope with my noisy coughing as well. It's either that or get less money in my paycheck, which I can NOT afford to do right now.

My bouts with influenza are even worse. It's more days that I'm sick, it's more shit that I have to cough up, and the phlegm that comes out can be anywhere from orange to green. Which seems appropriate for the holidays, but still... I certainly don't like being cut off from the rest of the world with a messy, contagious disease. In the winter of 1992-93, I got the flu TWICE. After that shit was over, I started getting flu shots every year. This is the eleventh year that I have been immunized, and I am always happy to stick out my arm for them.

You gotta give credit to our government's Centers for Disease Control and our private drug companies for coming up with new ways to fight these pesky viruses (viri?). I certainly applaud the makers of the ZiCam nose gel... I don't know how they do it, but while this gel doesn't cure the common cold, at least it reduces the effect the cold virus has on the body, which means less days that I feel really sick.

Well, enough disease talk for now. I hope everyone has a happy holiday season with whatever your religion celebrates. And keep washing those hands.

In case you were wondering, the church race to my mailbox is over, with Church 2 coming away with the victory. I got a nice welcome package from St. Rita Catholic Church in Fort Worth, consisting of a booklet listing phone numbers and other information, along with a box of collection envelopes. I hope to do more with this parish in the next few years.

Mass Appeal (from Nov. 24, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:39 pm) [edit]

You know, a simple "welcome" letter would be nice.

A short, basic letter - I don't care if it's a form letter - mailed to me, saying "Welcome to our Catholic community, we hope you will grow in faith with us" or words to that effect.

I've always managed to get some kind of correspondence from a church once I registered as a member there. Just a friendly note welcoming me into the fold, along with the usual starter set of collection envelopes.

But since I moved to Fort Worth, my original parish home in Arlington has become a little bit out of the ways for me. So I signed on at this one church, and waited for something acknowledging that they received my registration form. This was back in mid-September. I hadn't heard anything back from them yet.

Then I thought, the music wasn't really that appealing at that church. And if I wanted to get involved at their Masses, either as a lector or a choir member, I'd have to endure the stuff I don't like. This was also the issue at the Arlington church. So a few weeks ago, I registered at another church, just as convenient to me. But so far, I've heard nothing from them, either.

Neither of these parishes had a place to drop the registration forms... they both said to give the completed form to an usher and they would pass it on to the parish office. I've decided that the first church I get a letter from is the one I'm joining. If I get both churches at the same time, the one with the later postmark is the winner. I'm really torn between these two churches... where one has certain things that the other doesn't.

I have a few crucial factors in finding a church that I would want to be a full-fledged part of. First and foremost, my ideal church would NOT use the "Mass of Creation" service music (the music and song accompanying the rituals of the Catholic Mass week in and week out). Marty Haugen, you're a wonderful composer, you have written some of the most elegant, spirit-moving hymns in recent times. But you've created a monster with this "Creation" music. It's WAY too popular. Around here, three out of four English-language Masses seem to stick with "Creation". I know it's popular with most of the parishioners out there, they like its majestic, powerful sound... but I'm sorry, to me it sounds like it belongs in a haunted house. And I can't stay focused on God and Jesus with music sounding like that. So I try and find those Masses that do NOT use this music. Church 1 uses "Mass of Creation" at a couple of its Masses. Church 2 doesn't use it at all.

Second are some other little things that make me feel uncomfortable at Mass... such as no pre-Mass greeting each other or singling out visitors; no short song rehearsals at the beginning of Mass; no encouraging people to join hands during the Lord's Prayer (that's just a bad idea during the flu season); no drawn-out singing of the Lord's Prayer; have missals available with readings so I can read along (some churches don't even use those); and no drawn-out 6 or 7 rounds of "Lamb Of God" during the breaking of the bread (3 is the standard, 5 is the most I can tolerate). I admit these are basically pet peeves, but still... if I can find a church without any of these, I would be greatly happy. Church 1 and Church 2 are split fairly even in this regard.

Finally, I would like to find a parish that has a Young Adults or Young Couples Group. When settling into a new city or even a different part of town, groups like this have been instrumental in making me feel at home. I've managed to make some good friends and participate in events - like Happy Hours, parties, community service projects and so on - in these groups. There are a bunch of churches out there that have Young Singles groups, but I obviously wouldn't fit in there. Church 1 has a fledgling Young Adults Group, Church 2 doesn't.

I'd like to get some sort of a response soon, because I need to start the validation process for my new marriage... and I would like to start that process at the church I decide on. If neither of them make a move to respond to me before the end of the year, I guess I'll have to find yet another church... there's a couple more in Fort Worth that I felt comfortable at, one of them being the downtown cathedral. But for now, I'll keep checking my mailbox for some kind of word from Church 1 or Church 2. Something's got to give here.

The Freaks Come Out At Night (from Oct. 31, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:35 pm) [edit]

All Hallows' Evening. The night before All Saints' Day. The birthday of Adam "King Adrock" Horovitz. (He said it himself in "The New Style" - "October thirty first that is my date of birth!") The birthday of my brother Larry. (Happy fortieth! Yeah, I gotta get used to it too.) The night where most people dress up in outlandish or ghoulish or cute costumes and go parading the neighborhoods for candy and/or celebrate the occasion at a party.

I've always been the partying type, ever since my teenage years. Back then I didn't dress up every Halloween, but I still remember some of my costumes fondly. Somewhere in my parents' photo archives is a picture of me in a Bullwinkle mask, taken around the late 70's. I remember going to a church youth group party around 1983 dressed as Groucho Marx. Other nights I just manned the door and passed out candy to trick-or-treaters, sometimes dressed up, sometimes not. In 1986 the extent of my costume was a hat looking like an alien with one eye (specifically, the "Madballs" eye guy) complete with a arm around my neck.

I don't remember what I did in 1990, but starting in 1991 I made it a point to dress up every year and find some kind of a party to go to. So here now is a rundown of my Halloween costume calls:

1991 - President Bush. Just me in a business suit and dorky glasses with my hair slicked back. I went to a club in Houston that had a costume contest, but I was too worn out by the time the contest began, so I didn't stick around for the results.

1992 - Max Headroom. Jacket, tie, and cardboard box made out to be a TV with wavy lines in the background. I went to a couple of clubs in Galveston, but the scene just wasn't that hot.

1993 - Kurt Cobain, complete with electric (toy) guitar. This year the St. Cyril's Young Adults Group threw a Halloween party and I helped out. I had a great time, for once.

1994 - Dead Kurt Cobain, complete with bullet hole Magic-Markered on my forehead. I had moved to Dallas by this time, and I just hung out at a dance club up there.

1995 - Torgo from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 classic "Manos, The Hands Of Fate". I even had "Torgo's Theme" on a tape recorder in my pocket to play whenever I walked. I went to a block party on Cedar Springs (a.k.a. the gay part of town), and I believe I also went to a church young adults party. (How's THAT for polar opposites...)

1996 - Dr. Forrester, also from Mystery Science Theater 3000. This time I just hung out on Deep Ellum.

1997 - One of the "Men In Black" agents. An apple core cutter served as my "neuralyzer". Me and a date just went out to eat, but I fell ill afterwards.

1998 - Kenny from "South Park". I went to a house party thrown by one of my friends from the Dead Comix Society comedy troupe.

1999 - WWF wrestler Mankind. Living in Austin now, I attended a church young adults group party one night, and the Sixth Street block party the following night.

2000 - AC/DC's Angus Young. I got an AC/DC T-shirt, a blue blazer, some blue shorts, a necktie, and a real electric guitar found cheap at a pawn shop, and voila - I was back in black! I had moved back to DFW by now, but I went down to Houston and a couple of parties there. I still have the guitar, and if I can ever get around to it, I want to learn to play it one of these days.

2001 - Mankind again. I hung out at the Cedar Springs block party for about an hour, but I lost interest soon after.

2002 - Super Mario. I went to a couple places around town, but I didn't see much of a party at any of them.

Which leads me to this year, 2003 - To those unfamiliar with HomestarRunner.com, I will be just some generic masked wrestler. But hopefully someone will recognize me as "Strong Bad", the crazy-go-nuts wrestler character from the aforementioned website. As of today I don't know where I'll be celebrating Halloween, but I plan on finding at least one familiar face around somewhere.

Anyways, have a Happy Halloween. Try not to go crazy on the candy.

He Really Did Walk The Line (from Sept. 21, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:31 pm) [edit]

A musical legend left us on September 12th. Johnny Cash passed away at the age of 71, mere months after his wife, June Carter Cash, died. Johnny was the only person who could unseat Hank Williams from his position of Greatest Country Singer of All Time (according to CMT, anyway). Almost always dressed head to toe in black (hence his nickname "The Man In Black"), Johnny made his name writing and singing songs like the gritty "Folsom Prison Blues" (with the famous line "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"), the earnest "I Walk The Line" and the raucous "A Boy Named Sue". Having a rugged baritone didn't stop him from making timeless music about God and love. And with his way of putting spoken poetry to music (as heard in songs like "One Piece At A Time"), you could say Johnny Cash was a forefather of rap music as well.

Back in my teenage years, I would be the last person you'd expect to like country music. I considered it something my parents listened to all the time, something I was forced to listen to on road trips, something that I really didn't want to identify with. I stuck with my rock and rap music until I moved out. And a little bit after that, I was resistant to the fiddle and the slide guitar, especially since country music was embraced by the religious right, and both were enjoying wild popularity in the early 90's.

One of my favorite artists in the early 90's was industrial-thrash-metal band Ministry. The outfit's leader, Al Jourgensen, put together a fierce, relentless sound and an even more relentless stage show of animal-bone decorations and cringe-worthy video footage. All of a sudden, though, there he is in a magazine article professing his love for old-fashioned country music, which kind of shocked me, until I realized that, subject matter-wise, country and rap weren't that much different at all. Songs about drinkin', cheatin', killin'... that could be either a Johnny Cash album from 1965 or an N.W.A. album from 1988.

I soon had a newfound respect for country artists like Johnny Cash who remained uncompromising and true to their individual selves. Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, George Jones, Charlie Daniels, Hank Williams Jr. and Waylon Jennings were among those country artists whose music I was suddenly seeking out. Back when mainstream country was trying to sound like the Eagles, I opted for those artists who kept more with the pre-1960's Nashville or Texas Outlaw sound, who wouldn't let their music get lost in the lush instrumentation that Music Row was pushing at that time. And the music these guys made over 25 years ago still stand the test of time. There's a certain rush of pride you can get singing "A Country Boy Can Survive" that you just can't get in "Achy Breaky Heart". And for all the romantic country songs out there, very few can hold a candle to "Ring of Fire".

Admired by people from all walks of life, by fans of both country and rock-n-roll, and an inspiration for anyone from Dwight Yoakam to Justin Timberlake to Kid Rock, Johnny Cash could have just retired from the spotlight and quietly basked in the glory heaped on him from everybody. But when he lent his vocals to a track on U2's 1993 album Zooropa, I knew he wasn't gonna rest on his laurels just yet.

Soon after that, rap and metal producer Rick Rubin signed Johnny to his American Recordings label and produced his next album, named after that label. The album was as "unplugged" as you can get... just Johnny and his guitar. And he sang about his usual subjects: love, God, murder (which incidentally was the name of one of his box-set compilations). He once again touched on the dark side of country music at a time when Nashville was all about upbeat line-dance anthems and schmaltzy tearjerkers. He would go on to make three more records with Rick Rubin, the last one filled with covers of songs like "In My Life" by the Beatles, "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode, and what would turn out to be his last hit before death, the much-lauded "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails.

Johnny Cash was honest, resilient, and uncompromising right up to the end. Country music, as well as rock music, wouldn't have been the same without him. He will indeed be missed. Hopefully he's now reunited with his wife June and jamming with Hank and Waylon.

And maybe God will still let him dress in black.

The Blogging Industry (from Aug. 24, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:26 pm) [edit]

I've been putting a piece of my mind on the Web for over two years now. Lately it's just been a task that I undertake only once a month. Sometimes when the thought hits me, I'll put something up in less time than that... I wasn't that eager to conform myself to a specific timetable. This is why it says "Updated when I feel like it" at the top.

I'm not really wanting to call it a diary. For diaries are mostly kept to oneself, and most of the time they're just day to day activities. And it's not because of the old notion that diaries were "a girly thing". I don't believe that's the case anymore, especially since gangsta rapper Scarface put out a CD nine years ago, called "The Diary". Maybe calling it a journal is more appropriate, since when you think of a journal, you think of a more comprehensive form of a diary, tackling a subject in greater detail and so on.

I guess it was only a matter of time before my form of Web expression would get its own unique cyberspace term, one that just came out of nowhere for me: blog. (Derived from the term "weblog", which is pretty self-explanatory.)

My motives for putting my thoughts and opinions up on the Web were inspired by many things. Chief among them has been the fact that I'm not much of a talker. I don't engage in much conversation. I guess I was never big on small talk, or I didn't want to stoop to the level of gossiping about other people, as most conversations tend to turn. My mother always said I was better at expressing myself on paper than in speech. And as I went through life, I always got myself into situations where I was unable to explain my feelings and defend myself. So I figured the best way to do that was to put my thoughts on paper.

My interests in high school and college slowly swayed to journalism and writing essays for newspapers and yearbooks. I started reading the newspaper columns of pundits and analysts that made a living out of writing them. My favorite authors were not people like John Grisham or Tom Clancy, but political commentators like P.J. O'Rourke or Lewis Grizzard. Dennis Miller, one of my favorite comedians, did political "rants" on his popular HBO show, and he took those rants and compiled them in a series of books. Another person who had a clever way of writing, and who used his talent to write humorous science fiction, was Douglas Adams. God rest his soul (even if he WAS an atheist).

But this may come to a surprise for many of you: The person who inspired me to take my comments and put them online is my favorite performer in World Wrestling Entertainment.... Chris Jericho. For many years he's been running his own website outside of the WWE empire. And every once in a while he would chime in on his thoughts and feelings in a special commentary section. Lately he's stayed away from doing this because of rampant negativity directed at him. Which is a shame, because I always saw his commentary as a sincere effort to stay connected to his fan base. I hope he comes back soon. [Ed: And he has!!!]

I've always seen myself as a "columnist without a newspaper". I did a monthly stint as a regular contributor to an underground zine known as Buzzmonger. When that folded, I thought of just doing something for myself and putting it on my webspace. I was content to write movie reviews for another website, until I got too busy with married life and moving around.

But here I am now, offering my two cents on everything... or as we can put it now, "blogging". I got an e-mail about a year ago from a website devoted entirely to putting people's blogs on the Web, asking if I would be interested in hooking up with them. I wasn't really up to it, since the conventional way of blogging is to download special "blog" software, type out your blog, and upload it to their site where it can be seen in diary form. I'm just quite content to use the format I have now. Although if I can link my OWN blog to any website that can let you do that, I would be interested in that.

Well, that's it for at most another month. But now that my wife and I are settled into our new apartment, I should have more time to put more of my thoughts up. And you never know what'll come next. I sure as hell don't.

Listen Like Thieves (from July 25, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:22 pm) [edit]

"Caught, now in court 'cuz I stole a beat..." - Chuck D

Do we REALLY need to clog up our already backlogged courts with more lawsuits? I guess the record companies think so.

Ever since my wife's family signed up for Kazaa, one of the peer-to-peer file sharing programs out there, I've done my share of music file downloading. Sharing, stealing, pirating, call it what you want... it's no different than someone copying CD's from his or her collection to make a mix tape for a friend.

Now I'll admit, this file sharing is being done on a much larger scale than that of the old-fashioned copying a compact disc to tape. And I do feel a tinge of guilt sometimes about cheating the artist out of the song royalties. But I still buy CD's on a regular basis. I buy them just as much for the cover artwork and liner notes as I do for the songs themselves. (Album covers are getting to be a lost art, ya know?) If I hear a few songs by a new artist out there and I happen to like all of them, sure, I'll buy the album.

My travails on Kazaa are reserved mostly for: a) hunting down obscure or out-of-print tracks that are not available to me at your friendly neighborhood record store; b) obtaining hits that should have been on the greatest-hits CD that I just bought; or c) downloading songs that I already have on cassette, but I lack the equipment to transfer that cassette to the computer and on to a recordable CD. Last I checked, if you already possess an authentic album containing a certain song, it's ethically okay to download another copy of that song from a file-sharing network.

When the Recording Industry Artists of America started issuing subpoenas to people caught sharing files on Kazaa, Morpheus and the like, I hadn't activated the Kazaa network for a few weeks. But not long after that edict, I logged on Kazaa to snatch one last song from the Kazaa-niverse. I haven't downloaded anything since then, but my wife and I already have quite an extensive song library on our computers anyway, so we're happy with what we got for now.

Yes, this file sharing is inherently wrong, but litigation is hardly the best way to go about remedying the situation. The pay-per-download music sites like Apple's iTunes are a small step in the right direction. File encryption is something I'm not against. But I think what REALLY needs to be done to get more people to buy CD's again is to QUIT CHARGING SO DAMN MUCH FOR THEM. Last I checked, the record stores were charging $19.99 for a new CD that probably only cost a buck or two to manufacture. Those who still sold cassettes charged just as much for that medium.

It's the same situation with computer software... I would gladly pay $50-$100 for computer graphics programs. But some of them are getting to the point where they cost as much, if not more, than the actual computers they run on. Do these greedy companies ever think that maybe if they offered their product at a more palatable price, they might actually sell a lot more of the product to offset the price cuts, and maybe reduce the number of pirated copies in the process?

Probably not. I guess they also think that we can all afford lawyers to help fight these file-sharing lawsuits, as well. It kinda makes you wonder just how litigious our modern-day society is gonna get.

To Have And To Hold, From This Day Forward (from June 7, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:15 pm) [edit]

Today begins a whole new chapter in my life. June is arguably the most popular month for weddings, and this first weekend of the month, it's our turn.

By the end of today, I will have stood at the altar at North Oak Church of Christ in Mineral Wells, in front of my family and friends (and mostly her family and friends) and pledged my eternal love to my betrothed. It's an open-seating wedding - no bride's side or groom's side - which is good for me, because the crowd would look pretty lopsided otherwise.

And I'm perfectly fine with that. I know there's been a few factors working against me concerning attendance on my side - the fact that this is my second marriage, it's in a way-out-of-the-way place where my family & friends are concerned, one of my cousins had her own wedding two weeks earlier, and so on. Those of you I invited who couldn't make it, I completely understand, I honestly harbor no hard feelings at all, and I thank you for your well-wishes.

Besides, this is more her day than mine. My lovely Kristi has been put through the wringer these last few months, juggling work, school and planning for this wedding. I imagine it's hard to keep from going insane between finding the right decorations and putting them together, arranging all the flowers, getting her gown fitted, printing and mailing out invitations, selecting music, and organizing everything so that nothing gets lost or messed up. On top of that, she's gotta get paid, and she's gotta get in her accounting and geology projects on time. And after watching a TV show featuring wedding disasters caught on videotape, she's probably praying that nothing goes horribly wrong with our nuptials. Well, my love, don't you worry... what takes place this day will be more than worth the extreme effort you've put into it all. I only regret that I haven't been able to help you with it more.

Today marks the official end of a four-year journey to a new love. The first two-and-a-half years consisted of rebuilding my life after my previous marriage crashed & burned, starting over in a new city (Austin), moving back to the Metroplex, meeting new people, making new acquaintances, and trying to get back into the dating scene, one that seems to have changed a bit after being out of it a few years. Of course, some things never change. For every single woman that's hanging out at a club or bar, there seems to be four or five single (or cheating) men trying to win her favor. While I enjoy the club atmosphere, the music mix, the happy vibe of people having a good time, I was never fond of the dating rituals in that environment - the game plans, the moves, the small talk, the one night stands, the "C-blocking"... just about everything that is shallow in humanity.

I basically went on with my life, keeping myself busy with the website, work, and some semblance of a social life. Dates, girlfriends and "flings" came and went. I felt my situation wasn't improving much. I thought about looking around again for a new job in a new part of the country... maybe go back to Austin or Houston, maybe move to San Antonio, perhaps Las Vegas, Memphis, or somewhere along the east coast would appeal to me. Maybe move to Iowa or Indiana, where my ancestors settled, and do some more deep family research. At any rate, at that point, my personal theme song was by the Replacements, called "Anywhere's Better Than Here". I felt I was sucked back into the black hole that DFW became, where the cost of living was barely tolerable and the dating prospects were bleak.

Of course, you know the old saying: "It's always the darkest before the light." And that light came in the form of a listing on Yahoo Personals, that I happened to gaze upon the evening of September 8, 2001. I typed in the usual description of myself that I seemed to have typed countless times before, and sent it flying across the phone lines to her mailbox. A response came soon after that - she was a 21-year-old college student living in a remote town called Mineral Wells. That gloomy day of September 11, a day of tragedy and chaos, we talked on the phone for the first time. We arranged to meet at a halfway point somewhere, and we settled on a shopping mall in west Fort Worth. There, on September 14, our eyes met for the first time. We kissed for the first time. And from that point on, I knew that something extra-special had entered my life. The wonderful feeling I got in my heart whenever we held each other was unmistakable. The sympathy I felt when she was going through some tough times was true. I prayed to God every Sunday, thanking him for the enormous gift of love that was radiating from within her.

Somewhere down the line, I can't really pinpoint it, but around the onset of springtime 2002, I had made up my mind... This is the woman I want to marry, to raise a family with, to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't know what her intentions were, if she was ready to get married. I didn't know how long I would have to wait before the wedding day. But around the end of April, out of the blue, she brought up the subject in one of our online chat sessions. We decided on a preliminary date in June of next year. It wasn't long before I was putting an engagement ring on layaway and thinking of how and where to propose. Then I decided to pop the question exactly one year before the tentative date of the wedding. I drove to Mineral Wells, went to her house, and waited for the right opportunity to pop the question. We ended up having dinner at her favorite Italian restaurant in town. And in the course of dinner, it went something like this:

(Thomas looks over at the group of people dining two tables down. He notices that they're celebrating a birthday for one of them. He thinks to himself for a minute, and then looks back at Kristi, who is eating her spaghetti. One hand goes into his pocket.)

THOMAS: So... have you or your friends ever celebrated a birthday here?

KRISTI (swallowing a bite of spaghetti): No, I can't really say that I have.

(Thomas pulls a ring out of his pocket and holds it up for Kristi to see.)

THOMAS (grinning): Well... how about an engagement? (He watches Kristi's eyes widen.) So... will you marry me?

KRISTI (elated): Yes! (They share a warm, loving kiss, and go back to their dinners.)

That nice little exchange set everything in motion, an avalanche of events that all comes to a head today in front of the Reverend Brad Fry. And to think I would have ended up far away in a different state still doing my searching, when the love I was tirelessly looking for was right there, forty miles west of Fort Worth. We've had our share of highs and lows (what relationship hasn't?), but whatever differences and arguments we had, we've always managed to settle in a civilized manner. Living some 70 miles apart, ours was something of a long-distance relationship, but we visited each other regularly, generating a steady stream of income for many oil companies along the way. I can't remember who said it, but a good relationship is something that you never stop working hard at. It takes a lot of love, a lot of effort, a lot of patience, and a lot of sacrifice. And she is more than worth it all.

Well, I'm all ready to get the show on the road. I hope you are too, Kristi. I love you, always and forever. See you at the altar.

Once They Pop, They Can't Stop (from May 11, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:12 pm) [edit]

Remember when the only pop-ups around were pop-up books? I absolutely loved those kind of books when I was a preschooler. The pages had carefully crafted paper contraptions underneath so that when you pull a tab, a flap opened up, a cutout picture moved, different pictures showed up in windows and so on. Sometimes it was easy for these little mechanisms to break, so some pop-up books became useless, and it was time to buy another one. There were pop-up books dealing with trucks, dinosaurs, zoo animals, and a host of Sesame Street tie-ins. Then, as I got older, VH-1 started airing "Pop-Up Videos", where music videos had little illustrated blurbs popping up around the video giving us interesting facts about the artist and the video itself. It was a unique and fun way to expound on videos and other television snippets.

That would be the last time the term "pop-up" would be seen in a good light, though. Along with that delicious luncheon meat Spam, "pop-ups" now refer to something sinister in the Internet world. You're surfing around with your Netscape or your Internet Explorer, you click on a link and suddenly a blank window materializes in front of what you're trying to access, usually to try and sell you something like pills, airline tickets or just other websites. Sometimes two or three will show up at a time from just one click, making you have to work just that much harder to keep your computer desktop free of all that clutter.

As long as I live, I will never submit myself to getting revenue from ad companies that use pop-up advertisements. There's an ongoing issue with the message board for my family website, overbeckfamily.com, where I paid to eliminate pop-up ads from those pages, yet they seem to keep coming back. To me, pop-up ads are on the same annoyance level as those advertisement flaps that are on the front page of the Sunday comics section. I make it a point NOT to patronize those businesses that use annoying advertisement tactics like that. You companies know who you are, and you can kiss my ass.

I understand that these days, ads are what make the world go round. Hell, I typeset advertisements on high school athletics schedules for a living. Product placement, while it's something I wouldn't do all the time, I can still tolerate. I'd have to be living on a hippie commune or something similar to live my life totally free of name brands. But, modern-day living as it is, it's in my everyday life: I wake up on my Sealy mattress, turn off the GE alarm clock, put on some Target-bought clothes, grab my Nokia cell phone and hop in my Ford Escort to speed off to work. Usually I'll stop at a place like Burger King or Waffle House for breakfast, or eat my breakfast at home (Chex cereal or Eggo waffles) and maybe just grab a Raging Cow milk en route to work or something. (To all those companies: You're welcome. No compensation is necessary.) Brand names to me are just a regular part of life and I can live with that.

And the banner ads, I can live with those too... I don't care if I have to sift through 20 banners on one page to see some actual content that I originally clicked over for. I'd rather have that than have an extra browser window get in the way of what I'm looking at, as well as bog down the modem by simultaneously loading its own page along with the original thing you're trying to load. While some companies have tripled or quadrupled the size of banner ads in some cases, banners are the preferred way for companies to sell me something.

To all those who are the proud owners of pop-up blocking software, I feel your pain. I hate them as much as you do. Especially those that are called "pop-under" ads... just when you thought you've mastered the art of closing pop-up windows a half-second after they show up, the ad companies started getting clever and made ads that sneak in on you. Surfing away on the web, clicking here and there, you think nothing's shown up, then you close your browser and suddenly there's 12 little windows of bullshit from various companies. And all those windows sap loading resources from your modem, slowing down your overall surfing. You get enough of the little fuckers, and you could even crash your computer. Other clever-yet-annoying techniques include: automatically positioning the ad so that the button to close the window is off the screen, making you move the window around to get to that button; giving windows a weird shape without the familiar window graphics, making you hunt around for the close button; and having the pop-up or pop-under ad blast different types of music or sound effects, effectively busting you if you're on the web at work.

And the ads themselves are your usual junk-mail variety. They range anywhere from stupid to annoying to downright dangerous. Ads abound with your typical clearing-house-type messages like "You're an INSTANT WINNER! Click Here!" There's also the potentially embarrassing kind, like the usual porn sites or ads for "penile enlargement pills". One of the companies, who manufacture surveillance cameras, even makes advertisements that seem to encourage voyeurism; for example, a simulated surveillance monitor is panning around a picture of a woman in skimpy lingerie. That just crosses the line of decency and good taste, in my opinion.

Not too long ago, I got something in my E-mail from one of those ad companies instigating the pop-unders. "Earn extra money for your website... let us put pop-under ads on your pages", it said in so many words. I didn't respond to them, but I already knew what my answer was. Not just no, but FUCK NO. If I ever do run a website on my own, with my own server and everything, I promise you that I will never put any pop-up ads on ANY of the pages. You may have to deal with a few extra banner ads, but at least there will be only one page loading.

And while we're talking about E-mail, did you notice how much more sneaky the spam merchants are getting with their mailings? What it amounts to: you get a new message in your E-mail, the subject may be a fake reply, or an innocuous greeting, like "Re: Hi" or "Hey there, it's been a while", and the sender is just some average name. I usually end up opening E-mail like this... since I manage the online family tree, these strange names may be distant relatives trying to get in touch and tell me the updates from their side of the family. But guess what I get... advertisements for credit repair agencies, travel websites or some get-rich-quick scheme. It leaves me downright disgusted sometimes.

Merle Haggard wrote a song in the eighties about how he wished some words still meant innocent things from back in the good old days. "I wish that Coke was still cola, and a joint was a bad place to be", and so on. He could add to that, "I wish that Spam was still cheap food, and Pop-Ups were still books for little kids". We'll always have advertising with us, and rightly so... if somebody's got something to sell, they have every right to let other people know about it. Just, for God's sake, find a civil, unintrustive way to sell it, and don't force your advertisements in our faces, physically OR electronically, okay???

TBLOG NOTE: I'm glad to see that some companies are adopting certain policies to limit advertisements, such as TBlog's no-banner-ads stance. However, I do understand that they do squeeze in one pop-under ad that seems to elude the blockers on the Google and AltaVista toolbars. They haven't shown up when I load this blog on the latest version of Netscape, though... so I recommend using Netscape 7.x when accessing this site.

There Goes The Neighborhood (from April 18, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:10 pm) [edit]

This weekend begins the moving process... again. I know my parents are tired of it, I know I've changed residences on an average of once every 1.5 years. This in fact will be my third residence since I started putting commentaries on my website. I was really planning on staying in the H-E-B area until I found an actual house, but I want to make things easier on my fiancee, who will be commuting back and forth from her college classes in Weatherford and Stephenville. So I'm relocating a few miles west, to a nice complex that's conveniently just off a major freeway. I'm hoping THIS will be the last apartment we get and that a house will be our next move.

The neighborhood we're fixing to move to is pretty decent. The name of the general area is "Woodhaven", according to the local community newsletter. It's on the east side of Fort Worth, where Loop 820 and I-30 meet. There used to be a Wal-Mart right in front of our new complex, but a bigger Supercenter replaced it a few miles down and the old building was completely demolished. A Blackeyed Pea restaurant used to be across the street, but they moved out and an Asian buffet restaurant is in the process of moving in. But this area is far from desolate. Two major grocery stores, Kroger and Albertsons, are doing pretty good business... and the Albertsons is just within walking distance of our new apartment. There's also a Luby's, a Wendy's, a Home Depot and a new branch library in the area. So while it could be better, this part of town is doing fine.

When I do get a house, I would prefer a well-built old house in an established middle-class neighborhood, pretty much like the neighborhood I grew up in. The houses were built in the late fifties, and the colors ranged from our brick red, to white, to light green, to dark blue, to yellow. There were lots of nice shady trees to climb up or just sit under. You could leave a boat or a trailer in your front driveway and not catch any hell from any homeowner's association. Christmas decorations were fun and full of color. Sure, there were SOME regulations on the properties - one of my chores was to take the garbage cans into the back after the trash was picked up out front - but they were lenient enough not to be a major headache.

Even if we both had six-figure incomes and could live comfortably anywhere, I'm not really too keen on living in a new or trendy neighborhood. I hear the horror stories all the time about homeowners at odds with the neighborhood association over every little nitpicky thing. I'm sure the Christmas decorations are tightly regulated, too, right down to each little light color. I don't feel like dealing with fines or foreclosures just because my kids' swing set is 3 inches too high and can be seen from over the fence, or I have the wrong color garbage cans, or my curtains are the wrong shade of off-white.

Besides, I would rather say I helped bring a faltering neighborhood back to prominence than say that I fled to squeaky-clean greener pastures. There are many parts of the Metroplex that are drying up, yet are still decent places to live. Richland Hills, for one (the ORIGINAL one - sans "North") - I drove through that small suburb one day for some garage sales and there's plenty of nice houses with nice people. But you get on the main roads, and it's row after row of empty storefronts and shabby strip centers. A nice latter day "town square", like those in Southlake and Colleyville, could probably bring some commercial life back to Richland Hills. Maybe they can build it out the abandoned Sam's Club building. Put SOMETHING there other than the seasonal haunted mega-house. The only thing sadder than a just-abandoned building is a building that's been abandoned for years.

That's just one example of an older, almost-dried-up area that I think has potential for revitalization. Another example is the area I'm moving from (though I may return in a few years), the part of Hurst-Euless-Bedford south of Airport Freeway. There's a commuter rail station in the vicinity that adjoins lots of empty space. Lots of new houses are going up right nearby. Why someone hasn't built a shopping center in that area yet is beyond me. Why force the residents to drive miles out of the way for food and clothing when they could just go down the street to a possible new Tom Thumb or what have you. Put something up that will attract the rail riders from Dallas or Fort Worth, like some unique retailers or restaurants. Hopefully the sluggish economy can get out of the doldrums soon and give the corporations out there more courage to branch out to the neglected, blighted parts of town.

That's how I feel, anyway. My fiancee certainly has some ideas of her own about what would make a perfect home in a perfect neighborhood in a perfect community, and hopefully sometime down the road we'll be able to find a house and an area that we both love. Until then, I'm patronizing the businesses that are on our block and giving them a good reason to stay there.

Life During Wartime (from March 30, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:07 pm) [edit]

"We care a lot about the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines." - Faith No More, 1988

Let me start out by clearing the air right away about "Operation Iraqi Freedom": I fully support President Bush and our soldiers, and I hope for a swift end to this conflict. Saddam Hussein has left the impression on me that he is a dickhead obsessed with staying in power with the most power possible, treating his own people like shit while totally manipulating the media to make it look like he's a wonderful, highly popular guy. I saw a photo of some Iraqi building with a statue of Saddam wearing some funky ancient headdress. That pretty much summed it up... he's a Genghis Khan wannabe.

So I agree that Saddam needs to be removed from power. The way I see it, we were basically waiting for a valid excuse to bust down his front door. The official reason: Iraq has repeatedly violated the United Nations' terms of disarmament by stockpiling and hiding chemical weapons and proceeding with development of nuclear weapons or otherwise. But if you see that as just a lame excuse, there's plenty of other reasons to get rid of him and his regime.

I'll admit, I was one of the skeptics at first. It seemed like it was mainly a "war for oil". But I do believe all of the horror stories the Iraqi expatriates are telling about life under Saddam. France, Russia and all the other countries opposing this war probably don't know about the tales of people getting their tongues ripped out their mouths among other nauseating acts of torture, their families raped, their entire towns gassed with chemical weapons just for speaking out against Hussein... either that or these countries really don't care. This is probably nothing new to Russia anyway, as I've read that Stalin was just as cruel to his people in the old Soviet Union.

Which brings me to a biting concern of mine: the repercussions this war will have on foreign relations and global diplomacy. Russia's president, Vladimir Putin, calls this war the most serious global crisis since the end of the Cold War, and he's calling for Bush to put a stop to the fighting. So what happens if the war drags on? I have a feeling that diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Russia will totally fall apart, and we may have another Cold War on our hands. The worst-case-scenario may well be that Russia or China issues an ultimatum to the U.S. to pull its troops out of Iraq by a certain day or face a full-scale nuclear attack. I could very well see China, no longer seeing the United Nations as any kind of a threat, launching an attack on Taiwan while the U.S. is still warring against Iraq. North Korea might do the same thing against South Korea. This might also be the beginning of the end for the United Nations, as it either dissolves amid heated arguments about the American-Iraqi War, or it levels many brutal sanctions against the U.S. and the U.S. responds by evicting the U.N. from their Manhattan home.

I also kinda worry if there are any more of those "sleeper cell"-type terrorists here in the U.S. waiting to make a retaliatory strike of their own once the war starts. Hell, I live just one mile from a company that makes military helicopters (though my residence will change in just a few weeks' time). I've heard about the lethal potency of botulism toxin and how easy it is to make. I've heard how some vials of smallpox have turned up missing, and how a few people had died from the anti-smallpox vaccination. It's a well-known fact that America isn't as safe a haven as it used to be perceived, and all we can really do is stay cautious about our surroundings and keep the faith in God and our leaders.

President Bush knows very well his chances for re-election are hinging on the success of this war. Sure, there's also the U.S. economy to worry about, but if by some chance he's not successful in ousting Saddam from power and proving he was hiding an arsenal of chemical weapons or otherwise, things are going to look pretty grim for U.S. foreign relations. Furthermore, if the war DOES play out as planned, yet the economy continues to stall going into next year, he may indeed suffer the same fate as his one-term father.

George W. Bush is definitely going to have a lot to answer for concerning this military action in Iraq. If we're going after Saddam because he's violating U.N. treaties about manufacturing weapons of mass destruction, why aren't we putting similar pressure on North Korea, who has dropped out of the U.N.'s nuclear non-proliferation treaty, constructing a nuclear power plant that may also end up producing nuclear missiles, and claiming to have made a long-range missile that can reach California? If we're going after Saddam for trampling on his own peoples' human rights, why aren't we doing the same thing in Cuba, Israel/West Bank, or various parts of Africa, or any other place where civil unrest and mass bombings are rampant? If we're invading Iraq for the most convenient (and most lame) excuse - stabilizing the oil market - why aren't we also intervening in crude-rich Venezuela, where a general strike is lumbering on, crippling their oil output?

Fortunately, the question "why aren't we still going after Osama Bin Laden" should be relegated to the "Stupid Questions" list by now. Yes, we are making progress towards capturing that other dickhead. We have already nabbed many of his right-hand men. Nobody forgot about the al-Qaeda. There is some proof that, if Iraq wasn't directly involved with 9-11, that Saddam has been paying huge sums to the families of suicide bombers in Israel and around the world. Terrorism has been long overdue for a clampdown, and I have faith in President Bush and our military forces that they will get the job done and make the world a little bit safer place for all of us to live in.

Snow Big Deal (from Feb. 26, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:04 pm) [edit]

True wintry weather has always been a rarity around these parts. The last time I was caught in a snow/ice storm was six years ago. Actually, the Dallas-Fort Worth area was snowed under as late as the end of 2000, but I barely escaped it and spent the weekend in Houston.

And before I moved to Dallas in 1994, snow was all but a myth to me. There WERE a couple occasions that it snowed in Galveston during the 23 years I lived in the area (1973 and 1989), and I did walk in a winter wonderland up in Colorado back in 1982, but that was it.

The metroplex pretty much shut down these past couple of days, as 4-5 inches of snow and sleet coated the streets, turning cars into wild and dangerous sleds if the drivers weren't careful enough. I had only driven in snow once before... a nail-biting trek to the area mall and back. And yesterday the trip was about three times as long, going from south Hurst to northeast Arlington.

The most harrowing part of the trip was just getting in and out of my apartment complex. The driveways are quite hilly, and you could slam into a curb or a ditch or a parked car if you were the least bit careless. Some drivers got stuck on the slope, spinning their wheels, unable to get up to the main road. It was an hour after my usual clock-in time before anyone even showed up with a key to the place. Schools were closed everywhere. Trucks were stuck. Some freeways were paralyzed. Only a handful from my department made it to work, and we only worked half a day. And going home was only a slight improvement, as overall there was no sign of the sun and everything pretty much stayed frozen.

If you were one of the thousands who migrated to the DFW area from New York or Chicago, you were probably thinking, "Hah. Fuckin' amateurs." And I wouldn't blame ya. I'm sure this would be just another ordinary winter day in the northern states. My ancestors settled in Iowa, so I'm sure they were well accustomed to deep freezes. I could probably cope if I lived up there... and I owned a couple more heavy jackets, long johns and snow tires.

Nostradamus I Ain't (from Jan. 22, 2003)

08.03.04 (3:01 pm) [edit]

If you ask me to do anything, for God's sake, DON'T ask me to make predictions.

What few predictions I have made from time to time almost always seem to backfire on me. Sure, most of the time those predictions were made in jest, but I was still hoping some of those foresights would come into fruition. However, nothing ever seems to happen to my chosen entities. And sometimes, the opposite effect happens.

Take my "Biggest Rise To Radio Prominence" (no pun intended) from my last commentary. I was predicting great things for "The Mich Show"; it was crazy, funny, and overall a good fit for the station it was on. And guess what happens just three weeks later: it gets cancelled. Mich says he will return to the airwaves, and I hope that really happens. I just hope it doesn't take three and a half years, like Howard Stern did.

Back at the end of 2001, I was saying pretty much the same thing about local band Shackleford Brown. I thought for sure that they would get signed to a sweet record deal, and put out some more music. But here it is a year later, and they seemed to have disappeared. They haven't updated their website in over six months, and I haven't seen their name anywhere in the papers. I was even on their mailing list, and it's been a while since I got any mail from them. My guess is they've broken up... which is a shame, because their blend of grunge and Southern rock was exceptional.

My tendency to mis-foretell the future goes back years. In 1997, for Buzzmonger, I predicted that the next big thing in rock would be a culture battle between who I thought would become the top two bands: Marilyn Manson and Phish. It was supposed to be a sweet-vs.-sour type of rivalry a la Beatles vs. Rolling Stones, something that would top the music headlines. Of course, that never materialized... in its place was Backstreet Boys vs. NSYNC. At least Phish & Manson are still around.

Let's go back to 1994, shall we? I did a little prediction story for my church youth group newsletter. The AFC may have a good chance of winning the Super Bowl. Well, that didn't happen until 1998. Of the artists I thought would make the bill at Lollapalooza 1994, only one of them - Smashing Pumpkins - actually performed in the festival. I predicted that "The State", a comedy troupe that had a show on MTV at the time, would hit it big. Didn't leave much of a mark on the nineties, did they... Susan Lucci would finally get her Emmy in 1994 (and THAT didn't happen until five years later).

Fortunately, there WERE bright spots for the 1994 set: I predicted that Bill Clinton would come out of the Whitewater scandal unscathed. And he sure did... hell, he even dodged an impeachment. I predicted the Houston Rockets had a good shot of winning the NBA title. Boy, did they ever... in 1994 and again in 1995. However, I didn't see Hakeem Olajuwon doing many product endorsements like I thought he would. The only one he DID that I remember... was for L.A. Gear. What the hell was he doing getting involved with something with L.A. in the title when he's supposed to be representing... oh, I don't know... HOUSTON? But I digress. I did make the right pick for the Academy Awards - Schindler's List, right?

Well, here's some predictions for 2003: There will be a war with Iraq, and it will be brief. Israel will suffer a major terrorist attack, causing them to completely overrun the West Bank. Afterwards, a settlement will give the Jerusalem metropolitan area - all of it - to Israel, and the rest of the disputed lands to the Republic of Palestine. Yasser Arafat won't be taking part in the negotiations, however. The Oscar race is real tight this year... I'd like for Spike Lee to finally get his due with The 25th Hour, but that's unlikely. The two Matrix sequels are gonna be the top moneymakers at the box office. The first three Star Wars movies will finally make it to DVD, probably around next Christmas, as a box set. Either Sacramento or Dallas will win the NBA Championship. (ANYBODY but the Lakers.) And finally, the economy and the stock market should improve by the end of the year. I REALLY hope that last one comes true, for the sake of me and my fiancee's careers.

And before you take those seriously, just remember my track record on stuff like this.

My Dissection Of 2002 (from Jan. 1, 2003)

08.03.04 (2:58 pm) [edit]

I think what I'll best remember 2002 for is... it's the year that some things I've been wanting to do for years on end finally got accomplished. I haven't been to a drive-in movie in over 20 years; last June Kristi and I enjoyed "Enough" in the great outdoors at the Brazos drive-in over in Granbury. There's a miniature golf course in Galveston, built in 1990, that I've always wanted to play through, but never had a chance to... until this past June. In November, I got to play pinball games that I haven't seen in ages, thanks to texaspinball.com and their Pinball Expo. Last time I was in Lubbock... I couldn't even remember, since I was a baby; in March, I returned to Lubbock as part of a trip with Kristi to see her grandmother. There hasn't been a new Transformers comic book since 1994; this year, thanks to a company called Dreamwave, my favorite robots are back in action at my local comics store, and the graphics are better than ever. In December my nephew and I saw a play that I haven't seen (or been in) in ten years: Oliver! at the Strand Theatre. And last, but definitely not least: I finally went and got a cell phone in October.

BEST MOMENT OF 2002: That would have to be my engagement to Kristi. I popped the question on Friday, June 7, at Bari's Italian Restaurant in her hometown of Mineral Wells, and with that I officially put an end to three years of off-and-on loneliness. Wedding plans are now in full swing (I think we've already got our Best Moment of 2003 locked in), and I couldn't think of a better, more loving woman to share my life with. RUNNERS-UP: The blast-from-the-past Pinball Expo; the return of the Transformers comic book series; the awesome premiere of the NFL's Houston Texans as they whooped ass on the Dallas Cowboys; the completion of the massive task of putting the Overbeck family history online (at overbeckfamily.com); and the switch to a better car with actual air conditioning.

WORST MOMENT OF 2002: The tragic death in May of my one-time brother-in-law, Chuck Smithson. It was very sudden and pretty devastating to everyone in my family, especially my nephew, Josh, who had to endure the loss of his mother (my sister Julie) less than four years ago. Currently he still lives with his widowed stepmother and her three daughters, so he is fortunate to still have an immediate family in his life, which is important for his personal future. RUNNERS-UP: My new car breaking down only three months later, requiring a $600 repair job, not helping my debt situation at all; and the defeat of the latest bus service referendum in Arlington, keeping my emergency-transportation options limited (whereas I began to refer to the city as "Horriblington").

BEST MOVIE OF 2002: 24 Hour Party People. I have always been a major fan of Factory Records artists such as New Order and Happy Mondays, and to see the story behind this ill-fated Manchester-based operation with their really cool music as the soundtrack was an awesome sight to behold. And NO, I never tried Ecstasy. RUNNERS-UP: Men In Black II, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Spider-Man. I wish I could list Star Wars: Attack of the Clones here, but Hayden Christiansen's uninspired acting tainted what was an otherwise excellent installment.

BEST MUSIC VIDEO OF 2002: "Fell In Love With A Girl" by the White Stripes. Two words: Lego animation. My jaw still drops every time I see it.

TELEVISION SURPRISE OF THE YEAR: Trading Spaces on TLC. My parents love it. My fiancee loves it. And it has definitely grown on me. This ragtag bunch of interior designers and carpenters manage to make room renovation compelling, whimsical and overall entertaining. Admittedly, this is a show that some men will not admit to watching. Maybe if Genevieve or Paige did a photo shoot for Maxim...

BIGGEST RISE TO LOCAL RADIO PROMINENCE (NO PUN INTENDED): Brian "The Mich" Beck on KYNG 105.3 FM. In 2000, he was a lackey for Ron & Don. In 2001, he was board operator for the Howard Stern show. He started 2002 with just a weekend overnight show, then was moved to five nights a week in the graveyard shift, and now all of a sudden he's prime time... and it couldn't have been soon enough. He and his cohorts keep "The Mich Show" hilarious and entertaining. And he's only a few months younger than I am. This big guy's got a great future if he can stay healthy. How's the leg these days, dude?

BIGGEST FALL FROM RADIO GRACE: Opie and Anthony. I was just getting into their brand of talk-show humor when the whole "Sex For Sam" fiasco erupted. All of a sudden, O&A are off the air and in deep shit with the FCC and the Catholic Church. Whether or not they encouraged that couple to copulate in the lobby of St. Patrick's Cathedral will have to wait for the instant replay. But I personally feel that this was blown way out of proportion, and that O&A got a bum rap. I bet if this was a Howard Stern bit, he would have gotten off with just a slap on the wrist.

And finally, of course....
TOM'S TOP 30 SONGS OF 2002

1. "Work It", Missy Elliott - I never thought that Missy would be able to top her 2001 masterpiece "Get Ur Freak On". Not this soon, anyway. But she totally outdid herself here, incorporating everything from Blondie's "Heart of Glass" to Run-DMC's "Peter Piper", and she even dabbles in rock's time-honored practice of recording backwards lyrics. The result is a jam that's funky as all get out, and definitely deserving of the top spot this year. Keep yo' eyes on that ba-bomp-ba-bomp-bomp.

2. "Grindin'", Clipse - Those Neptunes guys came out of nowhere to suddenly crank out the hip-hop sound of the moment, sort of a neo-electro-funk sound. And they are experts in crafting a minimalist groove, as demonstrated here in a real addictive jam made for two talented rappers from, of all places, Virginia Beach.

3. "Party Hard", Andrew W.K. This guy knows how to make a fist-pumping rock anthem for the 21st century. He's obviously listened to a lot of Ministry, but hey, that's a damn good artist to emulate.

4. "We Are Made Of Stars", Moby - News Flash to Eminem: I still listen to techno. And it hasn't grown stale yet. If anything, Moby takes it in a more ethereal and melodic direction with this selection, sounding a lot like Gary Numan in the process.

5. "Lose Yourself", Eminem - That said, Mr. Mathers' pounding rap of paying your dues in the hip-hop game is one of the most dramatic and powerful rap songs to come around in a while.

6. "Where Are You Goin'", Dave Matthews Band - A melancholy tune good for just chillin' out. How this managed to end up on the soundtrack for an Adam Sandler movie is beyond me.

7. "All My Life", Foo Fighters - Another finely crafted balls-out rocker from Nirvana alumnus Dave Grohl. I'm done, done, on to the next one...

8. "Always", Saliva - Don't let the title fool you into thinking it's an alt-rock love ballad. It's actually a searing, emotional piece dealing with the topic of domestic violence.

9. "The Way We Ball", Lil' Flip - H Town represent!!! The biggest jam to come out of the Bayou City in years. Nice of Flip to incorporate the Rockets and I-45 into his rap as well.

10. "Long Time Gone", Dixie Chicks - This could have easily ended up on the "O Brother Where Art Thou" soundtrack. These Texas homegirls build on their neo-traditional sound by crafting a melodic gem that's part ragtime, part bluegrass and totally unlike anything else currently on the country charts.

11. "I Am Mine", Pearl Jam - It's the quintessential "Pearl Jam Sound", but Eddie Vedder & Co. manage to keep from sounding stale.

12. "The Girl All The Bad Guys Want", Bowling For Soup - Your basic geeky- type- lusting- after- an- unobtainable- girl story, only this time she's "watching wrestling, creaming over tough guys, listening to rap-metal (as well as Godsmack)", sporting a nose-ring and wanting "a reefer and a forty". All with a sound resembling vintage 70's pop-rock.

13. "It's Goin' Down", X-ecutioners featuring Mike Chioda - Turntable maestros, raging guitars, and the rapper from Linkin Park all make for a kick-ass tune.

14. "My Neck, My Back (Lick It)", Khia - In an endless sea of rap songs about women orally pleasuring men, this is one of those few songs that turn the tables for the sistas and has a good time doing it. It's funky, erotic, nasty and catchy all at once. And Khia's silky croon makes it all the more alluring.

15. "Bother", Stone Sour - THIS is the guy from Slipknot??? Well, it's certainly a change from the metal mayhem. This is one of those ballads that grows on you.

16. "Without Me", Eminem - Slim Shady's other entry in this list is a madcap self-satire about the rapper's place in today's culture. Potshots are taken at Dick Cheney and his wife, Chris Kirkpatrick, Limp Bizkit, and yes, Moby. Bonus points for cribbing "Buffalo Girls" lyrics at the beginning.

17. "Addictive", Truth Hurts - This tune packs an ethereal vibe reminiscent of the old Middle East (before the terrorists came along and ruined it for everybody). Good to hear from Rakim again as well.

18. "Can't Get You Out Of My Head", Kylie Minogue - And you won't get this beat out of your head, either. Fellow ex-80s-teenyboppers Tiffany and Deborah should take note: THIS is how you make a comeback.

19. "Awnaw", Nappy Roots - "Them country boys on the rise", indeed. These guys came out of nowhere (actually Kentucky) to deliver a decidedly Southern style of rap that goes down like gravy.

20. "The Key To Gramercy Park", Deadsy - Ultra-cool, avant-garde melodies that call to mind Gary Numan and "Scary Monsters"-era David Bowie. And you never thought it would come from the son of Cher and Gregg Allman.

21. "I Feel So", Box Car Racer - Blink-182's Tom & Travis show they've got more range than just three-chord punk musicians.

22. "Here To Stay", Korn - These guys never seem to run out of new ideas for heavy riffs.

23. "You Know You're Right", Nirvana - Made in early 1994, still sounds fresh today. A glimpse of what could've been for the Seattle grunge trio.

24. "Get Over It", OK Go! - Best stomping intro since "We Will Rock You".

25. "Hero", Chad Kroeger - A perfect example of a modern-day alt-rock power ballad.

26. "By The Way", Red Hot Chili Peppers - It's got everything that's good about the Chili Peppers, from Anthony Kiedis' crooning and rapping to Flea's manic bass work.

27. "Complicated", Avril Lavigne - She could be Alanis Morrisette's little sister, and not a moment too soon, either. Avril doesn't try to be over-slutty like Britney or Christina... she earns her fame with pop gems like this one. A good sign: I'm already beginning to see teenage girls sporting neckties.

28. "Hands Clean", Alanis Morrisette Speaking OF Alanis... her new album seemed to go unnoticed in the fickle world of popular music. Which is a shame, because this song ranks right up there with her best works.

29. "Hey Mister", Custom - Rated Worst Song of The Year by fathers of teenage girls everywhere.

30. "Let's Roll", Neil Young - Todd Beamer's heroic actions on 9-11 immortalized in song. And what a powerful song it is.

Artists To Watch For In 2003: Orgy and Bloodhound Gang are supposed to come out with new albums in 2003, as well as Linkin Park and Marilyn Manson. De La Soul's final piece of the Art Official Intelligence trilogy should be out soon as well. Will we finally see the new Guns 'n' Roses this year? Who knows...

So This Is Christmas (from Dec. 18, 2002)

08.03.04 (2:53 pm) [edit]

Christmas is right up there with Mardi Gras, Independence Day, Halloween, Valentine's Day and New Year's Day as one of my favorite holidays. I have plenty of good memories of Christmases past. And, yes, there were some bad memories as well.

So far, the Best Christmas I've had was: 1991. First, a little background history: As long as I can remember, our family had a plastic Frosty The Snowman lawn decoration that stood about four feet high and was lit up on the inside. It had always been the centerpiece of our house decorations for the holidays. Then in 1987, it got stolen. No one ever recovered it, and for the next few years we were without a snowman. It just didn't feel right - like there was a gaping hole in the Overbeck Family Christmas heritage. Then in September of 1991 I picked up the JCPenney Christmas Catalog... and lo and behold, there was an exact replica of our long-lost snowman being offered for sale. I immediately ordered it, stashed it at a friend's house, and finally hauled it out on Christmas Eve and placed it in front of our Christmas tree just as my parents were coming home. And they were overjoyed to get a new Frosty. I felt like the family hero that evening. Just about everything was going right for me at that time... my social life had improved a lot, and a new job in Houston was just around the corner. Runner-up for Best Christmas would have to be 2001, my first to celebrate with Kristi. Third place is 1982, the year we spent Christmas in Colorado Springs.

As for the Worst Christmas, that's easy: 1995. The last couple months beforehand had been pure disaster for me... I had broken up with a girlfriend, I had a couple other dates go nowhere, and I lost my only job right at the beginning of December. Fortunately I had almost all of my Christmas gifts bought before I got canned, but I didn't even feel like putting up a tree, much less any other decorations. Things did pick up, however, a few days before the 25th... I landed a temporary job at BloodCare thanks to MacTemps, and I exchanged numbers with somebody at the Lizard Lounge on the 23rd. I did manage to get in the holiday spirit after all, but still, I was in a deep malaise for the most part. Running a close second for Worst Christmas is 1998, mainly for these two reasons: 1) it was the first Christmas without my sister Julie, and 2) my first wife had announced a couple weeks earlier that she was unhappy in the marriage, and there wasn't much holiday joy between us for the rest of the season.

Our family had a fairly established schedule when it came to celebrating the holiday. Cookies and fudge were baked. Lights and decorations sprung up all over the place, including the aforementioned Frosty. Stockings were hung on ... the wall. (We didn't have a fireplace in the houses of my childhood.) Little red ones for Mom & Dad, big red ones for each of us and our spouses, and big green ones for the grandkids. You could tell if we had a good year financially by how many gifts were under the tree. Sometimes the giftload would sprawl beyond the tree and take up a good percentage of the living room. Every year we would each get a novelty ornament, which would be different from year to year. One year it's a ceramic Santa, the next would be a plastic elf on skis, the next a quilted angel, the next a wooden teddy-bear toy soldier.

Everything got rolling on Christmas Eve. We usually started out visiting relatives or entertaining guests at our house. Then around 8:30 or so, the gift-opening began. We all took turns opening presents so we could all see who got what, as well as take pictures. And if we didn't go to the Vigil Mass already, we went to Midnight Mass at our church. It was straight to bed after that, and there was many a night that it was hard for me to sleep. Next morning, the kids unloaded their stockings and got the "bonus" presents, the extra-special gifts left by one Mr. Claus. Then there was Christmas dinner, either at our place or a relative's. For the most part we stuck with those relatives who lived in Galveston, including Nana, Uncle Toby, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Eugene.

Things started to change when my brother & sister moved out and she had a kid of her own. Then I moved out and eventually moved to Dallas. The last Christmas that followed the traditional plan was 1994; every Christmas after that was spent in Dallas, either at Larry's, Julie's or my parents' after 1998. Whether we open our presents on the 24th or 25th would have to do with who has to work on one of those days, or who's going to celebrate with the in-laws, who may have entrenched traditions of their own.

And hey, don't feel sorry for me because my birthday is so close to Christmas. I never felt slighted in the least, gift-wise. In fact, I already have a plan in place if by some chance I have kids born on December 25th: to celebrate their "half-birthday" on June 25th with the cake, presents and everything else. Once I get a family started, I'm sure we'll put some of our own family traditions in place. I do plan on continuing the novelty-ornament thing with my kids. And I can make some pretty good cookies myself, although the last time I did so was in 1993.

Well, from my heart to yours, have a wonderful Christmas (or whatever joyful occasion you celebrate in your religion this season) and a great new year. I'll see you at the beginning of next month, with my special year-end report.

Houston Means That I'm One Day Closer To... Galveston (from Nov. 17, 2002)

08.03.04 (2:50 pm) [edit]

This past Saturday I spent the evening at a Holiday Inn in Arlington in a little slice of arcade heaven. Pinball games, old and new, all you can play for fifteen dollars. There were even a few free video games there as well. It was enough to give me flashbacks to my youth and my days hanging out at the arcades in and around Galveston. Yes, I was one of the original "quarter junkies", much to the dismay of my parents. But I managed to grow up without the machines ruining my life, as the watchdog parent groups of twenty years ago have probably predicted.

As for the arcades in Galveston, well, they don't really exist anymore. At the peak of their popularity, there would be at least two or three games everywhere you looked... at the grocery stores, at the 7-Elevens, at many restaurants, at the movie theatres. There were even some video games at Seawolf Park at one time, a former quarantine station out in the middle of nowhere on the tip of Pelican Island. And I believe at this Pinball Expo in Arlington I played an old baseball skill game that was much like one that I remember seeing out there. I could usually be spotted at the neighborhood grocery store playing Pac-Man, Tempest, Super Mario Bros., Double Dragon, Karate Champ, Donkey Kong, Mr. Do, Rygar or whatever other games that Gerland's would feature at their store entrance, usually three games at a time.

I'm sure my grandparents and their friends had memories of their own about the Galveston they were a part of. They would probably bring up places like Murdoch's Bathhouse, the Buccaneer Hotel, the Balinese Room, the Grand Opera House, Star Drug Store and the Hollywood Dinner Club. I would have no recollection of these places other than boarded-up relics of their former selves. The Grand Opera House is still around, but the Balinese Room has been vacant for years. I wasn't around to witness the demolition of the Buccaneer Hotel, but it was very weird to drive down the Seawall Boulevard and see a familiar landmark at 23rd Street suddenly vanish from the skyline. I wouldn't know what corner the Hollywood Dinner Club was located on at Stewart Road and 61st Street, but the place burned down in 1959 and either a Papa John's Pizza, a Jack-In-The-Box, a K-Mart or an H-E-B Pantry grocery store sits there now.

Nay, the memories I'm gonna have of Galveston landmarks are those along the lines of Galvez Mall, Sea-Arama Marineworld, Island Bowl, Carrz, Temps, a run-down Strand Street Theatre that only took up one floor, the Dr. Pepper Bottling Company that my dad once worked at, Jungle Surf, Goony Golf, Sky Rapids, Mario's Pizza and the Bolivar Ferry.

I was fortunate to take my fiancee to those last two places. Mario's is still in good shape and I wish them many more years of success, but I have a feeling the Bolivar Ferry is the next to go. Transportation officials are already discussing building a new causeway to connect Galveston to the Bolivar Peninsula and replace the old ferry route. Unless they re-route the ferry to maybe Texas City, I'm afraid it won't be long before the huge floating car carriers vanish.

At least Jungle Surf is in better shape. While there's lots of beach and natural surf to play in, many folks will still prefer sliding around in fresh water to wading in murky brown water that may be hiding stinging jellyfish. And with the two slick fiberglass slides cascading down a grassy hill, mats aren't needed. And if I remember correctly, the Sky Rapids were a steel-structure version of the Jungle Surf standing at the shoreline of Stewart Beach until about 1988 or so.

Fortunately the water parks in Houston haven't subtracted much from Jungle Surf's business, not unlike how Sea World in San Antonio pretty much sucked the life from Sea-Arama Marineworld and similar marine-type parks in Texas. For two decades, Sea-Arama was a fun place to go and see dolphin shows, water-skiing shows, huge aquariums and other little fun pastimes. Then when Sea World opened in 1988, Sea-Arama foundered until it closed in 1990. From time to time it was used by private marine wildlife organizations for their operations, but it's now basically a rundown eyesore that I wish SOMEBODY would rehabilitate in some way. If I had the money, I'd buy that place AND the Jungle Surf next door and turn it into a nice little modern water park with all the cutting-edge amusements that your basic Hurricane Harbor possesses.

These places were already becoming memories when I was only in high school at the time. My thoughts then turned to partying and hanging out at teen nightclubs. One place that I went to a few times was Carrz. It was a teen club at 61st and Heards Lane that had many cool areas for dancing, socializing, and yes, video games. This place lasted only a few years, and by 1990, I was going to nightspots that let in folks as young as 18, such as the Beach Club at the Stewart Beach Pavilion, and a smaller place near downtown called Temps. This place was one of those hole-in-the-wall type clubs, but they played cutting-edge house and industrial dance music, and it was where most of the "cool kids" hung out.

But the island landmark I'll probably miss the most is the late, lamented Galvez Mall. It opened in 1969 with a Sears, Woolco, Craig's, Bealls, Wyatt's Cafeteria and a three-screen General Cinema movie theater. For a while it had a cool fountain structure with a wooden bridge in the middle. Other tenants that came and went were Radio Shack, B. Dalton Books, Kay-Bee Toys, The Limited, Foot Locker, Sam Goody, The Gap, Zales Jewelers... basically many of the big names. The resident arcade which was placed next to the cinema started out as the Land of Oz, was remade into Aladdin's Castle in 1982, expanded in 1989, and was one of the last remaining stores to stick around before finally closing around 1995. I kept hoping against hope that this huge part of my Galveston history would be restored and rejuvenated somehow, but the whole place succumbed to the wrecking ball in 2001. A lot of fond memories were in that mall. And at least there will be new businesses opening there soon, in the form of a Target and a Home Depot.

I'm planning on coming back to Galveston the weekend before Christmas to visit relatives and friends. One of the places I plan on visiting down there is the Strand (Street) Theatre. It's still in the same place that it was when I was there appearing onstage in a couple of plays, one being the musical "Oliver!" in 1982, the other a Children's Workshop "Winnie The Pooh" play in 1983. Back then the theatre was a single-level ratty-looking place that seated about 150 and sometimes was made into a theatre-in-the-round. The last time I was there was in 1994, when they broke into the second floor of their building and added twice as many seats, and completely renovated and updated the place. Hopefully they've kept it in tip-top shape; I'll have to see what condition the place is in next time I visit. The weekend before Christmas an all-new production of "Oliver!" will be playing its last shows there, so if I get to see it then, that'll be a nice blast from the past.

My childhood memories aren't limited to Galveston, mind you; living in close proximity to Houston, there's plenty to reminisce about the Bayou City, mainly what went on in TV and radio. From "Gallery Furniture really will save... you... moneeeeeeeyyyyy!" to "You'll sleep like a baby on a Superior Waterbed" to "Sliiiiiiiiiime in the ice machine!", there were plenty of quirky TV characters unique to the Houston area. How about that jingle for Thunderbolt Transmissions? You know, the one that goes "we'll put the YEEEEEE-HA! back in yer motor and transmission". I don't think that one's gonna escape my mind anytime soon. Neither will the booming announcer voice for Channel 13, KTRK-TV. If you tuned into Channel 13 anytime in the seventies or eighties, that voice was unmistakable. Whoever that was, he made everything sound like a monster truck rally.

As for the radio, I remember when 94.5 FM (currently alt-rocker "The Buzz") was still "KRLY 94", a Top 40 station that carried Casey Kasem's "American Top 40" show. During most of the eighties, my radio station of choice was 93Q, which back then was the hit-music station of its time. The Q-Zoo in the morning was a wacky mix of funny bits, song parodies, commercial parodies, calls to people like "Michael Jackson" or "President Reagan", and it was all helmed by a man with an unmistakable voice of his own, John Lander. When the Q-Zoo started losing steam around 1988, I gravitated over to the rock station, 101 KLOL, and the raunchier Stevens & Pruett morning show. Many mornings were spent in the Ball High School parking lot listening to part of their show before heading off to class, wondering what sick, twisted plot the "Uncle Waldo" skit would encompass that morning.

Other fond Houston memories are those of Baybrook Mall, Almeda Mall, The Woodlands, The Galleria, NASA before there was Space Center Houston, and the Houston Zoo at Hermann Park. And at the top of the list is what back in my childhood seemed like a faraway paradise, the promised land that you got to visit once a year if you were really really good: AstroWorld. And just like Galveston, the AstroWorld of my memories looks almost nothing like the AstroWorld of today. The centerpiece of the park, the towering AstroNeedle, was taken down in 2000, something I still consider to be a big disgrace. Other rides and stuff that are no longer around include the Alpine Sleighs, the River of No Return, the SkyScreamer, the Excalibur (a.k.a. Dexter Freebish) roller coaster, and their own little dolphin show. I'll still pay a visit every now and then, when they get a new ride or two. The old favorites are still there, like Thunder River, Ultra Twister and the Texas Cyclone. But AstroWorld is haplessly landlocked, and they're at the point where putting any kind of a new ride in requires them to do away with older rides. Maybe THEY could do something with the old Astrodome... but that's just my wishful thinking again.

My career and my life has taken me far away from my native homeland. But at least it's not too far that it's not more than a five-hour trip back. I hope to one day show my future kids around the town that I grew up in. I just hope that there will be something left from the Galveston and Houston I remember that I will be able to show them, that whatever's left gets restored instead of demolished.

Nickel-And-Dimed To Death (from Oct. 28, 2002)

08.03.04 (2:46 pm) [edit]

The high cost of living is beginning to get to me.

I know that we're always gonna have inflation, and so far I've been able to cope with a little dime increase here, a little dollar increase there. But there are three areas of finance that are really beginning to worry me.

First and foremost: the car. Here in Texas, a car is a major necessity in everyday life. This is a land where many folks are fiercely opposed to mass transit, where the conventional scare is that buses are only going to bring higher crime and lower property values to their neighborhoods. And even where there IS bus service, it can take hours to get somewhere that a car can take you in about 20 minutes. And while doing a lot of walking to get from bus stops to destinations is fairly good exercise, it's no fun in a rainstorm or a 100-degree-plus day. So basically, you can't actually get by in this part of the country without a car. Believe me, I tried.

And throughout all the twelve cars that I've driven, every single thing that could go wrong with a car has happened to me. I must be over $10,000 in debt to my parents for all the repair bills and some of the cars they've bought for me. Let's not even mention the thousands of dollars I've racked up on credit cards for fixing my cars. I've also noticed that the newer the car, the more costly the parts are and the more expensive it is to repair it. It cost about $150 or so to replace an alternator in a 1981 Toyota, and about THREE TIMES that much for the same part (and labor) for a 1993 Chevrolet Corsica. My latest vehicle debacle: The air-conditioning compressor fell apart on my 1997 Ford Escort. It cost six hundred dollars to replace it. SIX HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS. FOR A PART THE SIZE OF A FUCKING CANTELOUPE. It would have cost TWICE that much if I had left my car at the Ford dealer that I first took it to. It was my only option in the area that I work, because the affluent selfish and elitist majority of voters in "Horriblington" keep voting down bus service that would come in very handy in a situation like this. But I digress.

Who the hell can afford a car these days with these high repair bills, much less the "routine maintenance service"? I wouldn't be surprised if half the nation's credit card debt was automotive-related (not counting gas). I'm just glad my insurance bill is decent. That's my second area of concern - the many branches of insurance. I'm happy if my auto insurance bill is less than $150 a month for full coverage, and right now it's $120. (God bless you, Shalyn Clark.) My health insurance seems to be slowly eating away at my paycheck, and that lets me pay $20 for doctor visits and $20 for brand-name prescriptions. Although it could be better - five years ago my copays were half that much - it beats having no copay at all, as was my situation at my Austin job. I would have had to pay full price for a doctor visit. Fortunately, I never caught any serious diseases, and I managed to get a flu shot for $15 at a local clinic. Nowadays it just makes me sick thinking about how much in homeowners' insurance I'm gonna have to pay per month once we decide to buy a house. The major insurance companies here are either charging through the proverbial roof or getting out of the homeowners' insurance business altogether. The way things are going now, I'm not looking forward to the homeowners' premiums that are going to be in place in a few years.

Which brings me to the last monetary concern of mine... housing costs. When I first moved out on my own back in the beginning of 1992, a one-bedroom apartment only cost me $350 per month, all bills paid. And that was in a fairly good part of Houston. By fall of 1994, when I moved to North Dallas, I was paying $435 plus electric, which averaged $40 a month for me. Currently my rent is $460 a month, plus a $50 electric bill. Indeed that will change soon, when I get married and move into a bigger apartment. Overall I'm pretty satisfied right now with what I pay for rent, and I'm confident that I won't have much more headaches once I convert over to marriage-life financing. I do expect things to get more complicated when the time comes to buy a house. I know there's gonna be maintenance costs, property taxes, the aforementioned insurance, and all the utility bills are separate. As long as I keep finding the inexpensive-but-decent parts of town, I should be OK.

I just feel sorry for the working class families living in places like New York, Chicago and San Francisco, where high demand for housing has caused the prices there to shoot up to ridiculous levels. I think an apartment my size would run me $2,000 or so PER MONTH in Manhattan or Palo Alto. Even in the worst parts of New York or Chicago, a small loft will set you back maybe $700 a month. It amazes me how the blue-collar population manages to get by in places like that. There's menial work to be done everywhere, yet those who live on that pay are unable to find affordable places to live even 20 miles away from their jobs. And I don't think the wages are that much better over there, proportionally. I witnessed this real-estate madness firsthand during my yearlong stay in Austin, where I was lucky to find a 1-bedroom in a decent neighborhood for $455 a month plus electric. All the companies were building lofts and new apartments for the upper-class wage-earners and all the top-dollar tech workers being lured to the city. Almost nobody was building for the lower classes, unless it was for the public-housing bunch. There WERE some apartment buildings that offered a few rooms for reduced rates, but you had to make no more than a set amount of salary in order to qualify, which was a ratio that didn't make sense and didn't seem to leave much else room for life's other necessities.

I'm not asking anyone to cut me any special deals, I don't want any preferential treatment. I just want to be able to live within my means and not end up in humongous debt. I already went through a bankruptcy, something I do NOT wish to experience again. But I'm afraid that's just what's going to happen if this runaway inflation keeps up in those few particular areas.

Schools Of Thought (from Sept. 9, 2002)

08.03.04 (2:41 pm) [edit]

Well, it's school time again. Oh wait... that was a month ago.

Texas' public schools (in Galveston, anyway) were starting to creep their start dates up the calendar at the onset of my senior year. It felt weird for me to be starting classes in August of 1989, even in the last week of the month.

So I can imagine how cheated the students of today feel when they have to report back to school as early as August 5th. That's an ENTIRE MONTH of precious summertime lost to the dubious desire to finish the fall semester before Christmas. You know, it never bothered me to have a few weeks in January to finish up a semester program. Some teachers even took advantage of the Christmas break to lump research papers or other major projects on me to work on during those one or two weeks out of school. It didn't bother me either to finish the entire school year a couple of weeks into June. In fact, it makes more economic sense to have schools functioning in the relatively-cooler first part of June than in a considerably-hotter August.

At least you can give the Texas Legislature credit for trying to put a stop to the madness. They passed a law in 2000 requiring public schools to start the school year no earlier than August 21st, and any school district wishing to begin earlier has to apply for a waiver. Those applications are coming in high numbers from places like Keller and Plano. Well, the parents in those cities may believe in cutting their kids' summer break short, but not me. As much as I'll probably want my kids out of my hair as soon as possible, I know how valuable time off from school can be.

When the time comes for us to buy a house, I'm going to look extra hard at the different cities' school districts before I move to any particular area. In addition to finding the schools with the best ratings and so on, I want a school program where the authorities aren't paranoid about gang fashions, the teachers don't over-burden their students with homework or other after-school projects, and the school board doesn't believe in starting school the last week of July.

If my school behavior was any indication (and if my genes happen to win the hereditary face-off), my future kids will hate homework, have short attention spans, and will have rugged-individualist tendencies. You should see my schoolwork from 7th and 8th grade... I was getting really creative with my writing, and I don't mean vocabulary-wise. My grades suffered as a result of me neglecting my homework duties, so I'm well aware that I don't have much to speak for as I'm stating my case here. But what I CAN do is try and make things better for my offspring should they inherit any of my deficient study habits.

Who's the sadistic creep that came up with the concept of homework in the first place? If the purpose of our educational system is to infuse our kids with enough substantial knowledge for them to function well in the real world, they should realize that the vast majority of careers out there do not require their employees to take their work home with them. Aren't there a bunch of medical reports stating it's unhealthy to be doing that? So why do that to our children? I would rather have classes last until 5 or 6 with mandatory "study hall" where everyone can get their assignments done in a pro-learning environment, before going home where there's a multitude of distractions.

Speaking of distractions: If I happen to have a daughter, I sincerely hope that there's a dramatic change in women's fashion before she reaches her preteen years. That's right, I said "preteen". That's how young I'm seeing these girls dressing like porn actresses. I mean, dressing to stay cool outdoors in the hot sun is one thing... and wearing stuff like halter tops and low-rise daisy-dukes in the dead of winter when you're 18 is another... but I'm sorry, that's just too much skin to be baring when a girl is only 10 or 11. I'm beginning to miss the grunge era already. I would have let my daughter wear the flannel shirts and baggy jeans when they were in style.

On second thought, the school board probably would have thought of her as a gang member. Like I said, I want a school system where the authorities don't get paranoid over gang fashions. Gangs are wearing baggy jeans? Ban baggy jeans. Gangs are carrying pagers? Ban pagers. Gangs are wearing red or blue cardigan sweaters? Out with those as well. God forbid that street gangs start wearing suits and ties. At least some school boards came to their senses in the way of cell phones. If schools want to squash gang activity, they need to focus on improving their mentality and their home life rather than on controlling what they wear to school. Someone say "cart before the horse"? I really don't want to deal with Xenophobia High School sending my son home because the Tweety Bird on his T-shirt was the official symbol of the local Cricks chapter.

As for schools requiring uniforms, as long as they cost the same as your average Wal-Mart garments, and as long as boys don't have to wear pink or lavender, I don't mind at all. In fact, uniforms would be a good idea for prepping students for the real world, as large numbers of college grads end up at your local McDonald's or Chili's because career prospects are so scarce.

So, that squares away the clothing part of the dress code. As for stuff involving hair, piercings, tattoos... I've always encouraged people to be creative and expressive with themselves, so basically anything goes in the hair department. Wear it long, dye it green, shave designs into the side of your head. In terms of piercings, the modern-day rule should be no more than four visible piercings if you have to set a limit. And no more than two visible tattoos, and they have to be less than a square inch big. Those school boards who are worried about distracting students, here's a news flash: Nowadays it takes a lot to distract a teen in terms of looks. To quote Perry Farrell, nothing's shocking anymore. Let these students be who they are, let them look how they want to look, and let them get embarrassed by themselves later when they're 40 and looking at their old yearbooks and wondering what the hell were they thinking.

Sure, we should be expecting a certain degree of conformity from our students. But too much conformity can choke the very life out of you. Teens are going to do things to get attention, no matter what we try and do to prevent them, so we might as well let them express themselves in positive and relatively decent ways, ways that don't permanently harm the body or expose too much of it. If anyone in the metroplex can tell me about a sensible school district their children attend, please let me know so I can keep that in mind as a possible place to raise a family in.

My Own Unsolved Mysteries (from Aug. 18, 2002)

08.03.04 (2:37 pm) [edit]

Throughout my thirty-and-a-half years on this Earth, I have been many places, I have met many people, I have been in many groups and organizations. These acquaintances and associations have come and gone, and once in a blue moon I get to wondering what the hell happened to them.

All my schooling (except for the one year of college) took place in Galveston. My preschool years of day care were spent at Moody Methodist Church Preschool. Kindergarten was at St. Patrick's Elementary School. The rest was public schooling: Parker Elementary for grades 1 through 5, Weis Middle for 6 and 7, Central Junior High for 8th grade, and Ball High School to finish up. I never had to retake a grade (and I came awfully close to flunking 7th), and thank God I never had to deal with high school locker room fiascoes (a dual-credit program with Galveston College let me take Physical Education in the summer - at the college with mature adults).

Throughout all this, I was also in Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts (I could never get past second class, though), children's acting workshops at Galveston College Upper Deck Theatre and Strand Street Theatre, S.A.G.E. Gifted & Talented education program and St. Peter's Catholic Church Youth Group. I have been in various young adults groups at my churches from time to time as well. I was even an extra in a major Strand Street production (Oliver!, 1982) and took piano lessons from Ms. Howard, with her ever-present dogs.

I acted a bit weird during my childhood... hyper, sometimes short-tempered, sometimes withdrawn from the world. I guess there's a small part of me that would like to track these people down and just let them know I turned out okay, that I'm making a decent living and that I'm fixing to marry a really wonderful woman. Of course, I'd like to find out what they've been up to... if they've found local fame, if they've gotten married and had kids, if they've made any interesting career moves.

I took it upon myself to set up a website for my graduating class, which became for better or worse the official website when our 10-year reunion took place. There is a class roster on that page, taken from the graduation ceremony program, that lists all 300-something graduates, where they live now, and if they have their own website or E-mail address. At this moment, the count stands at 90% "whereabouts unknown".

And beyond that, there are many friends and other acquaintances that moved away or otherwise disappeared before they could make it to graduation, and this is mainly what the list will consist of, along with some people from my Houston-dwelling days. Also, there were many people who were mean to me throughout my life, and though I've made peace with some of them, some others I really don't care what happened to, and they won't be included in the list. So, here goes (starting with the earliest acquaintances):

Willie Ferrino
Cleveland Martin
Charmaine... something. (I can't recall the last name, but I vividly remember a girl named Charmaine in first grade.)
Ari Schwartz
Nicole "Nikki" Lopez
Melanie Rasmussen
Michelle Dorr
Mark Stuart (And no, he's not the Mark Stuart in the Christian rock group Third Day - I checked)
Hugo Cardenas
Leticia Rios's cousins Elias and Jasmine
Wayne and John Glinski
Leslie Warren
Quentin Hunnewell
Ervin (or was it Elvin?) Hayes
Carolyn Hall (the first girl I ever had a real crush on - yet she was around for only 5th and 6th grade)
John Grunden
Ruben Reyna
Sam Decker
Erik Bjerketvedt
Karen (rhymes with "yarn") Bjerketvedt (These two are Norwegian cousins who I haven't seen since the mid-80s)
Allen Rountree
Ava Hamilton
Paulina Sedgewick
Toni Escudier
Mike Mabe (part of the "Channel 4 News at 3:18" team - it was a sophomore-year history class project)
Claudia Estrada
Erica Harvey
Frank Farias
John Paul Faour (and his "I don't like..." song)
Denise King
Ken and Holli Kowis
Keith and Julie Mannella

I may tack on a few more names as well after this is first put on display.

So if anyone might know the whereabouts of these people, let me know. I just want to say hi, how ya been and all that.

Still Proud To Be American (from July 4, 2002)

08.03.04 (2:30 pm) [edit]

For America's Independence Day, I thought I'd re-print my Buzzmonger article from five years ago, with a little tweaking here and there. And yes, I still stand behind every word of it. So here goes...

July is a time for many to get all patriotic about America, what with the fourth being its birthday and all. And in all major papers and magazines, you've read, by now, many a columnist and letter-writer gush about what it means to be an honest-to-God, full-blooded American. And it's not surprising to find that many people, many of our close friends, may not fit in with the views of these self-righteous "real Americans".

Well, guess what. You're gonna hear MY version of the "Proud To Be American" essay. And you can take it and rub it in the faces of the self-righteous and the religiously oppressive if it pleases you. (Cue patriotic-type music.)

The United States of America. In the beginning, it was a nation of outcasts looking for a better life. A land of brave, sensible souls rebelling against an oppressive king and a tyrannical, horribly outdated governing system. You would think that, from the outset, America would be an anything-goes type of nation, where "Live and Let Live" is the unofficial credo and people would indeed pursue happiness peacefully, without fear of getting arrested for it. Unfortunately, that isn't the case today.

Puritans, religious nuts (not ALL religious people - just those few fanatics who want to change every aspect of society to suit them and their beliefs), pushover-types and other authoritarian breeds have tainted the American ideal of every individual's right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". Something went terribly wrong around the early 1800's, when Puritanical movements put control freaks in Congress and gave us more moral codes than necessary. The majority of these disappeared by the late 1960's, but today's religious fundamentalists are trying their darndest to re-establish many of them. Guys, we have something here in the Constitution called "freedom of religion". In America, people can believe in whatever supreme being they want, and shouldn't be harassed or ostracized because of their beliefs (or non-beliefs).

Especially Muslims... it's a little-known fact that President John Adams, in 1797, reassured the American followers of Islam that their faith was protected under the Constitution, that they could worship Allah as they please. That's something these modern-day hardcore fundamentalists should remember the next time they think about rallying against "America, The Great Satan". And in the aftermath of 9-11, we need to keep in mind that the majority of Muslims out there are pacifistic in faith, and not willing to kill themselves - or let their children kill themselves - for their cause. Most American Muslims actually love America - some are even fighting in the Middle East for the sake of democracy and the freedom for them to practice their religion.

As for the current issue of the constitutional validity of the Pledge of Allegiance, we do need to realize that the ORIGINAL version as adopted by Congress in the early 1940s did NOT have the "under God" phrase. And we also should be reminded of the situation we were in back in 1954, when Congress tacked "under God" on. It was the early years of the Cold War, and the Communist movement just swallowed up a bunch of Eastern European nations and installed puppet governments. Chief among the tenets of Communism was the abolition of religion and any belief in any supreme being, and the Communist leaders hammered home that point by closing down churches and imprisoning priests and other religious leaders. This sent our representatives into a panic and thus they decided to trump up our country's religious influences by carefully inserting God-like references into everyday government things like currency and pledges.

Back then, the vast majority of the American public didn't mind. But we should have known that it would only be a matter of time before someone was going to challenge the "under God" part. If you have a law guaranteeing separation of church and state, you're gonna have to expect issues like this to surface. I think the best way to resolve this, "under God" or not, is to issue a mandate to all public schools that when the Pledge of Allegiance is said, students have the option to say "under God", "under Allah", or nothing at all when the recital gets to that critical part. Personally, it's not going to bother me either way... I do believe in God, and I have no problem including it in the pledge. Though I can understand why the mention of God in a patriotic piece would rile some people these days.

The list of lifestyle condemnations because of "God's will" is alarming... homosexuality, premarital sex, pot smoking, alcoholic consumption (excuse me, but didn't Jesus Christ drink wine???) ... there's lots of harmless things people do to themselves that "Real Americans" think they have no right doing. Some of these things DO have nasty side effects, but there's plenty of laws that punish the guilty (and not the innocent along with them).

And what causes these nasty side effects? I say it's peer pressure and lack of sufficient education. Joey and Janie never learned about what effect alcohol or drugs have on their judgment, or the possible results of unsafe sex. (And when they do ask, they get the standard reply of "you're too young to know about that.") So when they're cajoled by their friends into drinking games or one-night stands, they go along, unaware of the consequences, and get killed or get pregnant in the process. I do understand that many of these laws are in place to shield our children's minds from being corrupted. But when you start taking children away from their gay parents, or banning certain CDs or movies from ALL human beings because of what some see as obscene or suggestive content, or pressuring radio or television stations to remove certain shows from the airwaves no matter how popular they are, then I say something isn't right.

Maybe if we explained to our kids more about what happens when you do this or have too much of that, we would have a better, smarter society and have no need for age limits on things. It's a damned shame that even after someone turns 18, old enough to fight and die for our country, and yes, old enough to VOTE, they're still treated like a child when it comes to alcoholic beverages. What magic intellectual event happens to someone between the ages of 18 and 21? Lowering the alcoholic casualties in America is all a matter of education and common sense, folks, not restriction.

And speaking of fighting and dying for our country, that's something that every American should decide for himself or herself if that's a good career move. This is not intended to put down veterans... my father served in the Army, and indeed, there wouldn't be much of an America if not for those brave souls who fought and died defending our freedom throughout the ages. But if one is just entering or getting out of college, he/she shouldn't have to be drafted straight into military combat, thus putting his/her young life, dreams and aspirations in jeopardy. I can see where a draft would be necessary in a war on a scale of World War II, or if our country itself was in danger of a direct mass invasion, but no one should have to serve in the military until they're at least 23-24, and no one should be forced to fight in a small otherworldly battle they don't believe is right.

America has the greatest all-volunteer military force in the world... let's KEEP it that way. A "civilian conscription" would be a better option in my opinion... it would certainly instill a patriotic sense of duty and civic activism in our youth. We already pick out citizens at random to serve jury duty; we can always expand on that to include other civilian service options, like voter registration drives or helping out at federal departments.

Yes, America isn't a perfect nation... there's many a problem with our laws, despite all the free-country framework our founding fathers laid for us. But at least the mechanisms are there to CHANGE those laws, through our elected representatives and through the justice system. There are many countries out there where dictators rule with iron fists and laws are hard, if not impossible, to change. And while some enjoy freedoms that many Americans are envious of, they may have other more stringent restrictions on other liberties.

You've heard the phrase "America... love it or leave it." It costs a lot of money to exercise the latter option. Besides, like I said, laws CAN be changed. I want my future children to grow up to live like they want to, and not be threatened with arrest or expulsion for whatever harmless stuff they do. As long as I'm living, I'm going to do whatever I legally can to defend my civil liberties, and I will encourage my children to do the same. And hopefully, my future descendants can enjoy a truly free America. Free of hate, prejudice, and unnecessary restrictions.

That's my vision of this great country, the United States of America. And no matter how screwed up it may be right now, I'm still proud to live here.

Some People Want To Fill The World With Silly Love Songs (from June 29, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:28 am) [edit]

I've recently noticed... there's not many genuine love songs by modern-day alternative artists out there.

This isn't surprising, I know... today's world of alt-rock, as heard on today's modern-rock radio stations, is ruled by anger and irony. Its target audience is teenagers and early-20s youth, people who for the most part aren't even thinking of serious relationships, who just want to "play the field", have meaningless sexual flings and get their aggressions out in reckless abandon. The popular songs reflect that lifestyle, where love is reduced to worthless sex or leads to tragic loss, total hatred or even violence. The closest we get to sentiment from some of today's edgy bands is "I don't know your fucking name, so what, let's fuck." Whatever ballads there are from these artists usually speak of lost love or some other unromantic notion in the relationship.

Then again, the music from my late teens and early twenties was no different in that respect. As a part of the Generation-X crowd, I grew up with some great music by many great artists. The New Wave movement of the Eighties - the soundtrack to our school days - produced some real gems of modern love songs, especially those groups that lumped themselves in with the New Romantic faction (i.e. Roxy Music, Ultravox, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark). Australia's INXS, while not New Romantics, turned out some tender yet cool love songs in their heyday like "Never Tear Us Apart" and "Not Enough Time". I was in fifth grade when R.E.M. made their first record, and they had some tender moments on that album, such as "Perfect Circle", that complemented uptempo tracks like "Radio Free Europe".

Then when we were in college and just starting out in the real world, the loud and the abrasive took over, with Nirvana singing stuff like "I love you, I'm not gonna crack, I'd kill you" or Trent Reznor's Nine Inch Nails dirges painting bleak visions of early-Nineties romance - to quote: "You make this all go away, I just want something... I can never have." As the years wore on and the trend shifted from avant-garde noise to classic-rock jams, the music did get more melodic and more emotionally honest, but as for making songs about true love, they were almost-but-not-quite there.

Now that the media's attention is focused on the next group of youths, us X-ers are quietly turning 30 - and with that, more and more of us are falling in love, getting married and starting families, if we haven't done so already. While we'll never lose our affinity for Soundgarden or New Order, our musical tastes have evolved with our changing attitudes as we pick out songs for weddings, radio dedications and stuff like that. I'm hoping that our favorite artists are realizing this and that we can hear more good, honest, mature love songs from some of them. I'm not asking Pantera, the Offspring or Stabbing Westward to make a love ballad... I would just like to hear a few genuine love songs from some artists that wouldn't be expected to write or perform a song of that nature, but do have the potential.

In fact, what brought this to mind is my recent engagement. Yes, come June of next year I will be a married man again, for the second (and hopefully last) time. We've already started on plans for the wedding, and one of the first things I suggested was a D.J. and a dance floor for the reception. I always felt that the ceremonial dances - first the father with the daughter, then the daughter with her new husband - were a significant part of the whole wedding celebration. This was totally absent from my first wedding, because the reception ended up at the same church hosting the wedding ceremony, and they did not permit dancing on their property at all. And as a result, the reception seemed boring and almost lifeless to me. I just feel that the celebration would be more festive, and more special, with the dancing option.

So this time I want at the very least for my bride and I to have that one ceremonial dance together. As to what to dance to, that would be a matter of both our musical tastes coming together and agreeing on that one special song, which would become "our song", the tune that embodies our declaration of love for each other. Of course I wouldn't be happy with a song unless she was happy with it, and I wouldn't limit myself to artists I've heard on the modern-rock radio station. I certainly don't want any songs that I associate with my first wife, tunes that I have in the past dedicated to her or vice versa. But if it was up to me, I myself would prefer something new from the musicians of our generation, something that doesn't seem too sappy to me. I only need to tune to my friendly neighborhood soft-rock or country station to hear many fine examples of love songs that are just a bit too cheesy for my tastes.

Now before we go any further, let me make myself perfectly clear... I do not intend to insult anyone's personal taste in music. While there are many syrupy ballads I can do without, there are many other syrupy ballads that I actually like. I wouldn't object to dancing to "This I Promise You" by NSYNC, for example, or "Just To Hear You Say That You Love Me" by Mr. & Mrs. McGraw. In fact, I'll let you in on a personal secret: One of my guiltiest music pleasures is... drum roll, please... the soundtrack to "Xanadu". You know, Olivia Newton-John, Electric Light Orchestra, the roller-disco premise and all that. Just hearing something from that CD instantly takes me back to 1980, one of the few bright spots in my childhood. Now that I think about it, if someone could remake "Magic" or "Suddenly", one of those would make a great wedding-dance number.

But back to my search for "alternative love songs". What I'm basically looking for are some good songs that a guy can dedicate to a girl, and said girl wouldn't have to come across any lyrics or passages that would make her question why the guy picked out that song. As much as I like "Somebody" by Depeche Mode, the song ends with the lyrics "though things like this make me sick, in a case like this, I'll get away with it" - a statement I wouldn't want in a song that I would dedicate to the one I love. I always imagined R.E.M. would make a good love song, as evidenced from their more elegaic ballads such as "Strange Currencies", "Perfect Circle", "E-Bow The Letter" or "At My Most Beautiful".

The Goo Goo Dolls came real close to writing the perfect alternative love song in 1998 with "Iris". (That's the one that starts with "and I'd give up forever to touch you" and ends with "when everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am" - tender and poignant, but not quite a genuine love song to me.) Lenny Kravitz's "Again" sounds like a great love song... the lyrics are just more befitting two people meeting up for the first time rather than an engaged couple pledging their love to each other. Maybe Dave Matthews and his band have a fitting tune tucked away in one of their albums... he's always been a beacon of optimism in a sea of musical negativity. Ditto for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. While most of the time they get the funk out with hyper songs about wild sex, there's no denying the beauty of their slower, more introspective tracks like "Under The Bridge" or "My Friends".

And there's always Creed. My fiancee and I are both big Creed fans. Scott Stapp's lyrics are packed with raw, honest emotion, resulting in songs that are powerful yet beautiful. If I had to choose "our song" right now, I would probably suggest "Higher". And I would scour the MP3 universe to see if Creed recorded a softer, acoustic version of "Higher". It would be neat if they did a version with a string accompaniment similar to "With Arms Wide Open". Anyway, that would be my top choice for the dance number at the moment. And I'm sure there would be some other good choices if I looked hard enough in Creed's entire song catalogue.

Of course, a lot can happen between now and June 7, 2003. This really isn't an urgent matter for me, as we've got a whole year to sort out every aspect and detail of our upcoming nuptials. I was just one day thinking about what we could possibly dance to, and realizing that there's not many pure, genuine love songs among the types of music I usually listen to. But like I said, the wave of marriages in my generation is just beginning, so I guess I'll just need to stay tuned.

The Great Pomp-N-Circumstance Swindle (from May 30, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:25 am) [edit]

I wonder if there's going to be a class reunion this year for the Class of 1992 from Memorial High School in Houston. I can just imagine what stories they'll have, how they've been living their lives, how they've recovered from the most infamous incident of their senior year. And I ain't talkin' about the L.A. riots, either.

This specific graduating class made the local news ten years ago today because only half of their graduating students actually made the stroll across the stage. I remember reading about the whole fiasco in my morning Houston Post and I remember my heart going out to those 140-or-so graduates that didn't get their photo opportunity to smile with their hard-earned diplomas. All because of a bunch of pranksters who tossed around beach balls (and a penis-shaped balloon) in the crowd and decided to slip school principal Virginia Leiker some unorthodox gifts, including many wrapped and some unwrapped condoms, in the congratulatory handshake. The prophylactic gift from senior Adam Preslar proved to be the last straw for Leiker, who then immediately called off the ceremony and told everyone to go home.

I mean, I understand why she stopped the whole show. Childish pranks like that don't belong at all in formal ceremonies like graduations. And I'm sure her patience was wearing thin after repeatedly telling the assembled grads to quiet down. But she should have just tossed the troublemakers out AND KEPT THE CEREMONY GOING. Instead, the entire graduation was cancelled leaving all the rest of the graduates in line denied their only chance to walk the stage and formally receive their diplomas. Many graduates were heartbroken, almost all of them embarrassed for sure. Many parents were outraged, both at the pranksters AND at the principal. News of this incident got the whole city talking. At the time I was two years removed from my own graduation, and was making a living as an office worker in the heart of Houston's Galleria/Uptown area, not far from Memorial High, so I was in close proximity of the frenzy.

And I was just as shocked and angered as those seniors who got shunned. I had worked hard (well, in my senior year, anyway) to gain the privilege of taking the stage in my cap and gown and receiving my diploma. I would have been really pissed off if I was one of those that were behind the one guy who ultimately caused the ceremony to come to a screeching halt. I would have been mad at the principal, too (especially if I flew in from Boston just to see my brother or sister graduate, only to see them get shafted), because she chose to cut off a photo opportunity for half her graduating seniors rather than continue the ceremony or reschedule it with tighter security.

However, according to an informal phone poll conducted by the Houston Post, a wide majority of people, 82 percent of them, agreed with Leiker's decision to stop the show. The Spring Branch school board unanimously backed her as well. Weren't these people high school graduates at one time? When you're 17 or 18, and you've been busting your ass trying to get an education for thirteen years, that moment in the spotlight when you get your congratulatory piece of parchment and a handshake from the authorities means everything to you. And I'm sure it devastated the emotions of those graduates whose last name came after Preslar alphabetically.

There are times when people shouldn't have to suffer for the sins of others. I know it happens all the time and in some circumstances it's unavoidable, whether it's as small as a school field trip cancelled because somebody slashed the school bus tires, or something more serious and tragic like the deadly retaliation-for-retaliati on-of-the-retaliation going on in Israel and the West Bank. Three thousand Americans suffered death on September 11 because of the actions of a few who believed the United States is wrong for meddling in the affairs of Israel and the Middle East. Gigantic tragedies like these definitely dwarf the more minor inconveniences like cancelled graduations and render them insignificant, and rightly so. But the unifying principle remains: No large group of innocent people should have to suffer hurt or suffer death because of one troublemaking person or persons, and we should work to minimize this sort of thing.

As for the Commencement Exercise for the Graduating Class of Nineteen Hundred and Ninety Two, Memorial High School, Houston, the aftermath was fairly enormous. Many people were calling for Leiker to resign or get fired. One of the parents contemplated suing the school for emotional damage to his child. Adam and his family received a few death threats. An impromptu commencement for the remainder of the graduates was staged at the school campus a couple days later, this time run by senior class president Jose Martin. Only 50 seniors, less than half of those that got cut off, attended. The newspapers were flush with letters to the editor, some supporting the principal, some attacking the principal, some wondering what the world was coming to and fearing the worst from the unruly folks coming out of the high schools. But the republic still stood. Eventually the whole controversy died down and everyone went on with their collegiate-or-otherwise lives. We had other more pertinent issues at hand, like Dan Quayle dissing Murphy Brown, Arkansas governor Bill Clinton's hanky-panky with Gennifer Flowers or Rodney King pleading for everyone to get along.

So where are they now? Well, Virginia Leiker no longer runs Memorial High, but she does still work as Senior Director of Curriculum and Instruction in the Spring Branch school district. As for Adam, Jose and the rest of the 1992 Memorial High alumni, who knows what became of them. Did Adam put all his jokester days behind him, or is he channeling his irreverentness through a career in, say, journalism or radio or rock music? Is he sitting in a cubicle at a Microsoft office somewhere, yukking it up with his co-workers about what happened at his high school graduation? Is he actually a responsible father of three now? Who knows, maybe the Houston Chronicle (or maybe the alternative newsweekly Houston Press) will run a "Where-Are-They-Now"-type story on Memorial High's ill-fated cap-n-gown procession of ten years ago.

I'm sure those who didn't get the full diploma-n-handshake treatment learned to get over it, and went on and made a living (I hope). But incidents like this should remind us that we can't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch, as the popular saying goes. Save that sort of discipline for the armed forces or professional sports. It doesn't belong at a once-in-a-lifetime personal milestone like high school graduation.

Twisted Fate (from May 21, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:22 am) [edit]

It's hard to stay optimistic these days in a brooding and cynical world. Sometimes (especially now) I feel as if my family is falling apart before me.

It hasn't even been four years since my sister passed away from cancer... and now, all of a sudden, her widower husband has suffered a stroke and died recently. Their only son is now without both his parents at the age of 12. He still has his stepmother of 2 years, along with her 3 daughters, so he's still in good company, and my thoughts and prayers go out to all of them. Still, I shudder to think of how my poor nephew is going to be affected by this horrible turn of events.

Ever since 1998, I have lost at least one person in my family each year. It's getting to the point of being ridiculous. No one has to tell me that life isn't fair. But over the past few years lately, life has seemed to be unbelieveably harsh to me, and only in the last few months have things started to get better.

I keep hearing, "Well, God has a plan for everyone." I know that's meant to be a comforting statement. But it suggests that everyone has a predestined fate. And that is something I just don't want to believe in. In my opinion, it's just cruel to believe that some people were meant to end up lonely, or poor, or dead at a young age. And I'd hate to think that I was supposed to be following some sort of plan laid out for me, and that after I die, I find out that I never went by the plan at all. Wouldn't THAT just ruin your afterlife. I would rather be assured that I'm in control of my life and that I know that the decisions that I make throughout it will be what ultimately affects the quality of my life. I made my bed, I'll happily lie in it.

I had all kinds of plans for my life when I was a child. I would be a rock star, or a priest, or an architect, or a cartoonist. I would live in New York... London... Los Angeles... Chicago... Austin... Paris... Tokyo... San Francisco... Orlando... Australia... hell, I even wanted to live in Moscow at one time (NOT as a Communist, mind you). Funny how the real world just gradually seeps in to take over your mind, that those grandiose dreams of your childhood get whittled down until your aspirations are controlled by what you have to make do with. At least I DID get to live in Austin for a year, not to mention a brief trip to New York.

And like the old Hewlett-Packard slogan, I always find myself asking "What if..." As in what if I had the ambition and drive to ace all my classes and grabbed a generous scholarship to a renowned college like the University of Texas, or Harvard, or California-Berkeley. What if I stayed in Houston. What if I stayed in Austin. What if I had handled my first marriage differently. I know I wallow in the negative side of my past too much, I know it's a bad thing to do. But when your current situation feels like hell, you can't help but reflect on the past decisions you made that got you there.

However, I refuse to believe that I am destined for a sour existence. I call to mind the wisdom of eighties new wave artist Howard Jones: "And do you feel scared... I do... but I won't stop and falter. And if we throw it all away, things can only get better." I would like to think that life is like the old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books that I enjoyed reading as a kid, where the story has multiple endings, and the one you end up at depends on what choice you make and what page you turn to. I believe there's still hope for me to have the life I've dreamed of, I just gotta figure out how to get there from here.

I can at least say my current love life is off to a good start. Sure, it would be romantic to say that fate brought my sweetheart and I together. But I think it's just as romantic to believe that we were basically in the right place at the right time (in the right website, too) and fortunately this chance meeting set off fireworks. I am quite happy with her... and who knows, I might be marrying her in a year or two. Just as I want to be in control of my life, I want the both of us to be in control of the future of our relationship, and I hope we end up making the best life possible for ourselves.

Throughout all the bad times I've had, I never lost hope, I stayed optimistic. To me, the optimist doesn't accept fate, while the pessimist lets dire predictions run their lives. In this particular time of trial, that's the best advice I can offer to everyone - to stay optimistic and live your life the best you can. Tupac Shakur may no longer be with us, but the best thing he did in his life was write a rap tune whose title says it all: "Keep Ya Head Up".

To Josh: I know you are mad at the world right now, and understandably so. The best thing you can do right now is channel your anger and aggression into something positive. I haven't been around to witness any budding talents you may now possess, but that would be a good outlet for how you feel. Write a song or a poem (or hey - even a simple essay like this), paint or draw a picture. Many great works of art came about as a result of personal tragedy.

Keep going to church and develop your personal faith and spirituality more. A good chapter in the Bible to read is the Book of Job. This guy lost just about everything in his life - his family, his possessions, his good health - but never lost faith in the big guy. And as a result of his persevering faith, life did get immensely better for him.

Most importantly... never lose hope and never lose the love. I'm sure I can speak for the rest of the family when I say this - we all love you and we're here for you.

And Chuck... I hope Julie and John Wayne are treating you well.

Party Like It's 1989 (from April 23, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:20 am) [edit]

In terms of trendy nostalgia, these are the golden years for me. I'm seeing it all over the place, from the cow singing "Whip It" in the Gateway commercials to the Transformers symbols being sold as air fresheners at Hot Topic. It's finally time for the eighties to rule the retro mindset, having served its mandatory two-decade hibernation period.

Personally, I've been waiting for this moment for many years now. While I was born at the end of 1971 and spent my formative years in the seventies, all my pop-culture memories come from the era of parachute pants, checkered day-glo shoelaces and extremely-moussed hair. Yes, I owned a pair of Vans and wore a "safari cap" with the flaps in the back. I owned an Atari 2600 (which still works) and only Swatch watches have graced my wrist since 1986. And while there's plenty of personal events I would rather forget, the images and fads from 1980 to 1989 hold a very dear place in my mind. And I'm loving every bit of the revival.

Eighties icons are popping up all over the place, both on the big and small screens. Mr. T is running wild in 1-800-COLLECT commercials. The WWF has brought back Hulk Hogan - the guy who broke pro wrestling into the mainstream back around 1985 - to slam with the likes of Stone Cold and The Rock. And this is the old yellow-and-red-spandex Hulkster, not Mr. "Hollywood" from his WCW stint. Paul "Mr. Vernon" Gleason, the surly detention czar from 1985's "The Breakfast Club", has popped up in modern-day films "Not Another Teen Movie" (with Molly Ringwald - remember her?) and "National Lampoon's Van Wilder" (hell, remember National Lampoon?). Admittedly, it seems nowadays that the screwball comedies of today can't match up to the era that gave us "Airplane", "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". (Then again, these films had lackluster reviews when THEY were first released, so we should probably hold off judgment on "Road Trip" and "Orange County" until 2022.) The most successful film of the eighties is back with a vengeance as well: Steven Spielberg has given "E.T." a makeover just like George Lucas did with his "Star Wars" films.... and notice how Reese's Pieces are back in prominence at the candy racks?

Cable channel VH-1 is at the forefront of the eighties revival, music-wise. First came "The Big 80's" in 1994, when the Cyndi Lauper and Duran Duran videos first got dusted off. Then, they launched their "Behind The Music" series profiling the many notable artists of the rock era. The stories of Def Leppard, John (Cougar) Mellencamp, Motley Crue, The Go-Gos and so on were presented with integrity and sincerity... even the profile on "Weird Al" Yankovic. Those whose fame didn't last long enough to warrant a "Behind The Music" episode were grouped into VH-1's other rock-history show "Where Are They Now?" under categories like "one hit wonders" or "boy bands". And in 2001, VH-1 launched a new companion channel, VH-1 Classic, playing almost every music video MTV broadcasted from its 1981 birth and beyond. I got satellite TV for the first time, just to be able to watch that channel and see long-lost video gems like "Billie Jean", "Mr. Roboto", "Einstein A Go-Go", "Come On Eileen" and "Avalon".

The tackiest form of music from the eighties, now affectionately called "hair metal", is creeping back into the radio stations and concert arenas. Locally here in Dallas-Fort Worth, the hot new radio station is 93.3 FM "The Bone", a classic-rock station specializing in eighties hard rock. Just four months into its existence, "The Bone" is showing pretty impressive ratings as it plays Quiet Riot, Scorpions, Guns 'n Roses and Lita Ford. Hair-band festivals are bringing the pre-Nirvana rock superstars back to the stadiums and amphitheatres. It makes you wonder if Kiss is gonna go on the road just one more time, this time WITHOUT their makeup, as they did starting with "Lick It Up" in 1983.

And check out the various eighties trinkets that are making a comeback. Rubik's Cube is just as mind-boggling as it was when it first appeared in toy stores back in 1981. The biggest board game from the eighties, Trivial Pursuit, is still doing quite well. Some eighties innovations never really went away... personal computers, compact discs and fax machines, rich folks' novelties back then, are part of everyday life for most everybody in the here and now. And they're all on display (for the time being, anyway) in "That 80's Show", a new sitcom on the Fox television network, itself a product of the decade.

The biggest legacy of the eighties would have to be video games. Just like me, they were really a product of the seventies, but face it, the only memorable arcade titles that were around B.P.M. (Before Pac-Man) were Pong, Space Invaders and Asteroids. Once Ol' Yellow-Mouth debuted in 1981, video games became all the rage at the malls and the bowling alleys and, thanks to Atari and Nintendo, eventally became a household staple. I myself was a quarter junkie from 1981 to 1989, dumping hundreds of dollars into the arcade machines at Aladdin's Castle and Tilt. Time Pilot, Donkey Kong Junior, Zaxxon, Hard Drivin', Alien Syndrome, Paperboy, Gauntlet... if it came out in the eighties, I've probably played it at least once. And still every once in a while I'll plop a coin or two in for a three-minute computer-generated diversion while out shopping or at a bar. Nowadays I'm more drawn to pinball games than the video kind, but you can't duplicate a pinball machine at home the way you can bring Super Mario or Mortal Kombat 4 to your personal television screen.

Some hacker got clever and saved the actual arcade game programs to a hard drive and developed an interface application that let you play these authentic arcade games on your basic Windows or Mac computer. This is certainly on the level of piracy a la Napster, but at least those people who downloaded all the programs are having fun playing the games they remember well from the arcades. On the legitimate side, software companies are resurrecting the most popular games from the eighties and bundling them together for today's home gaming systems. Namco, Midway, and Konami are leading the way in this area, with Midway possessing the richest collection, having bought the rights to Williams and Atari's game libraries among others. Video games are still a way to pass the time for me, as mundane things like riding a bus or waiting for your car to be tuned up seem to go by much faster when you have a Game Boy in your hand.

The rage for all things eighties will certainly be over by 2008 or so. I'm sure we'll be pulling out the flannel shirts and the Doc Martens in time for the imminent nineties revival of 2010. But for now, I'm gonna sit back with a Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler and watch "Caddyshack" on my DVD player while I flip through my favorite Bloom County cartoons.

TOM'S TOP 10 VIDEO GAMES FROM THE EIGHTIES

1. Xybots (1987)
The most creative of its time, and the most fun for me. A precursor to nineties first-person-perspective games like Doom, you race through a space maze, blasting aliens and robots to get to the exit before your life supply runs out. You twisted the joystick to turn left or right, something you couldn't really do with most other video games back then.

2. Tempest (1980)
The most unique vector-graphic game ever. You spin your tweezer-shaped character around different-shaped playfields blasting whatever spills out of the hole below. Words simply cannot describe this game accurately, it's that avant-garde.

3. Pac-Man and his brood (1980-present)
Gobble the pills and fruits. Chomp power pills to nab the pursuing ghost monsters. I was hooked along with the millions of others who dumped quarters into Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Super Pac-Man, the arcade-pinball hybrid Baby Pac-Man, and so on.

4. Super Mario Bros. (1986)
This is the game that put Nintendo and its first home system on the map, with its power-ups and hidden areas.

5. Pitfall (1982)
The first hit home video game that didn't have an arcade predecessor. The running, jumping and swinging jungle obstacle course was highly addictive.

6. Double Dragon (1987)
Your basic B-movie plot of kidnapping and revenge, as you fistfight and kick your way through dozens of bad guys.

7. Paperboy (1984)
A menial job from the streets of suburbia suddenly becomes a video game premise - and a very humorous one at that. You have to ride a bike down the street, trying to steer clear of potholes, barking dogs and breakdancers, while trying to aim your papers at front porches and mailboxes.

8. Star Wars (1983)
Vector's last hurrah before the graphics format became obsolete. You're Luke Skywalker as you blast Tie Fighters and zoom through the Death Star trenches to plant the photon-torpedo bombs.

9. Gorf (1980)
A space shooter that's special for its then-state-of-the-art computer voice.

10. Hard Drivin' (1988)
The first true 3-D graphic racing game, not to mention the first game to have realistic steering feedback.

Confessions of a Liberal Catholic (from March 19, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:18 am) [edit]

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours,
but I think that God's got a sick sense of humour,
and when I die, I expect to find him laughing.
- "Blasphemous Rumours", Depeche Mode
(Lyrics by Martin Gore)

The commentary for this time of the year was long planned to be an essay on my personal religious beliefs - and it still is - but a funny thing happened on my way to typing this up.

It was the Sunday morning before Ash Wednesday, the day after Galveston's biggest Mardi Gras parade. I just left Houston and decided to stop at the newest Catholic church in The Woodlands for the Mass services. During the sermon, the priest made everyone stand up, raise their hand, and promise to "share their faith with somebody." How coincidental can you get...

Well, my personal faith is exactly what I'm gonna share with anyone who stumbles across this web page. And it ain't gonna be pretty to the by-the-(holy)-book crowd. (I don't think I'm comfortable with even my own mother reading this.) There's a major point right there... I don't follow the entire Bible word-for-word. And just because I do that doesn't mean my morals are totally corrupt. Besides, there are some rules transcribed in there that people today just wouldn't even THINK of doing anymore... and I touched base on some of them here.

The fundamentalists, by definition, say we have to follow the Bible, word for word verbatim. No dissension, no questioning, not a peep out of ANYONE. The scientists keep making new archaeological and astronomical discoveries that indicate the Earth and the universe was around much longer than the Good Book says. Why not compromise? (Then again, to the extremists, the word "compromise" is probably more evil than "liberal".) I say God made DNA and the other basic building blocks of life and let it go from there. And it probably took 7 billion years instead of 7 days. No big fuss about that... a billion years may just seem like a single day to God. I'm not saying the book of Genesis is one big lie; it should just be observed as a symbolic representation of how the universe came into being. These universe-creating events may have happened, but not exactly in that manner. Humans wrote the Bible... divinely inspired humans, but humans nonetheless.

What I do follow, and try to follow unwaveringly, is The Ten Commandments. Exactly how they were written, and not with all the amendments that others seemed to have tacked on. For example, it says "Thou shalt not commit adultery", not "Thou shalt not commit adultery, homosexuality, premarital sex, masturbation, artificial insemination, birth control, etc., etc." And notice how there's TWO versions of the Ten Commandments, anyway. The version popular with Protestants contains the commandment "Thou shalt not make any graven images", while the version popular with Catholics deletes that line and splits up the last commandment "Thou shalt not covet" into "thy neighbor's house" and "thy neighbor's wife". Obviously the Protestants were against making statues of Jesus, Mary et al., but the way I see it, the Catholics just saw that commandment as just an extension of the first, "No other god before me".... in other words, no graven images of the other false gods.

In fact, I feel that whoever wrote the passage "God made man in his own image" seemed to be pretty egotistical of himself and the human race. I believe that God is a supernatural being - much too powerful and omniscient to be just in a human form. In fact, God could take any kind of shape or form as he pleases. Which may explain, once and for all, how the Holy Trinity can exist, a question that drove many theologians in the past crazy trying to comprehend. There's God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit... as they say, three different entities, but the same supreme being. I say they're just different forms that the supreme being takes on. God's the ultimate Transformer... or the ultimate Shapeshifter, to put it in Trekker terms. He can be anyone, he can be anything, he can do anything he durn well wants. It's HIS world, after all. Or he's got it in his hands, or something. He could be anywhere, he could be everywhere. For all we know, the universe may exist INSIDE of God. Ergo, maybe all the evil in the world may be just like a small infection that is sometimes just out of reach of the Holy Antibiotics.

This may seem like a frivolous treatment of the Almighty, but let me tell you THIS: I refuse to believe in a God that doesn't have a sense of humor, a God that takes himself too seriously. If God really patterned humans after him, I'm very positive that God can take a joke, that he can laugh at himself. And I'm sure God understands that his creation needs to let off a little steam every now and then, to have a fun night - within moderation, of course. I mean, if God was really dead-set against alcohol, Jesus would have turned the water at that wedding reception into something other than wine, not to mention designating some other drink as his blood. Many Protestant faiths would rather not even mention the fact that Jesus and his disciples drank wine, even if they were light drinkers.

Yes, I was raised a Catholic. And I still consider myself a member of the Catholic faith. Some would call me a "Cafeteria Catholic." Others a "Lapsed Catholic." Some may call me an "Unworthy Catholic." But I still go to Mass every Sunday (or Saturday), and have been since my childhood, even during the years that most people my age blow off church. Even on vacation I seek out the local Catholic church and attend services there. The newest Catholic churches that have been built (or are in the process of being built) have some of the most modern and most awesome designs that can be found in any church. The services itself are very elegant and convey a great degree of spirituality. There's plenty to appreciate about my faith... and I admit, plenty to discredit about it as well.

I am well aware of the negative publicity surrounding the Catholic faith, about the priests who have committed the most shameful of transgressions. The numbers are small, but there's enough to cause great concern among many of the congregation. And Lord knows how many more are going undiscovered. It disturbs me how many freaks are being attracted to the priesthood. (And notice I said "freaks", not "gays". I for one believe homosexuals DO have a place in the church.) I'm sure discussions are already underway among the higher-ups about how to attract a better class of believers to the priestly vocation. I personally think the best way to do this (and I am aware that this is something that will probably never take place as long as the ultra-conservatives have a stranglehold on power at the Vatican) is to rescind the antiquated celibacy requirement and, once and for all, allow priests to marry.

There was a point in my childhood that I wanted to become a priest in the Catholic Church. But that celibacy requirement was the only thing that discouraged me from pursuing that profession any further. The Vatican needs to face facts and realize that the world is not the same as it was 100 years ago, and it will never really return to those times either. Not many people these days would want to stay single to their death. And those who do wish to stay single probably won't swear off sex either. It's not like it's never been done before... the Orthodox and the Protestant faiths have gotten along just fine with their married priests for centuries. Those denominations who've admitted women to the priesthood haven't had many problems either, I'm sure. When it comes to the pulpit, I simply believe that spirituality, love of God and service to God transcends all differences in humanity, including gender, race and marital status, and that God doesn't care who is doing the preaching as long as that person is pure in heart and fully devoted to spreading the Gospel.

I've had plenty of moments where I thought "If I were pope I would blah blah blah..." There are a lot of rules I would be happy to rescind, a lot of things regarded as mortal sins that I would either eliminate the sinful status, or downgrade to the less-damning "venial sin" classification... or make them things that should just be discouraged. Adultery (as defined in Webster's Dictionary simply as "cheating on one's spouse"), abortion, rape, incest, anything else unconsensual, that would still be the most mortal of sins. "Casual sex" and sadomasochism (look it up) pretty much cheapens the sex act, in my eyes, and those would still be relegated to minor-sin status. Anything else between two consenting adults should not be a grave offense. I personally believe that sex is meant for two people truly in love with each other, in a steady relationship, though not necessarily married. Still, it creeps me out that the Church wants to tell me exactly when or how to fuck.

That last word leads me to my next issue: the act of swearing. The commandment says: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain." Jesus says "Do not swear by heaven/earth/Jerusalem/ha irs on your head." Does anyone really swear that much anymore? As in "I swear by my daughter" or "I swear by my dog"? Why is modern-day "cussing" - just uttering a nasty word in passing or as an exclamation - considered swearing? There ARE some words and phrases that I consider sacreligious and that I try my hardest to steer clear of, like "goddamn", but while "fuck" and "shit" are very nasty words meaning nasty things and shouldn't be used in polite conversation, I really don't consider saying words like that as taking the Lord's name in vain (unless those words are preceded by "holy").

You may ask, why even remain in the Catholic faith if you're against so many of their rules? Well, I guess you need somebody within the system to keep the issues in the forefront. I'm definitely glad I'm not the only practicing Catholic that thinks this way. Or I guess with people expecting John Paul II to live only a few years more, I'm waiting to see what direction the next pope takes the doctrine. I'm hoping for a Third Vatican Council or some kind of change in my lifetime. I mean, I respect why the Church takes their stances and I commend them for standing firm through many centuries of attacks, but there are just some things that I'll never quite understand why the Church regards them as sinful.

For example: Living with someone outside of marriage, also called "living in sin", that shouldn't be sinful at all. The days where everyone waited until marriage to move in together and have sex are long gone... it's just not a sensible move anymore. I learned my lesson from my first marriage... I need to live with someone for a couple months or so to make sure I am compatible with her, before I ask her to marry me. I sincerely believe there would be less divorces (or annulments), as well as less domestic abuse, if premarital cohabitation was actually encouraged.

Another case in point: artificial insemination. If the Church is so "pro-life", they should be overjoyed that couples will do anything to conceive new life, that modern medicine has advanced to the point that "test tube babies" and the like are living perfectly healthy lives. Yet the Vatican still condemns any kind of artificial conception outside the womb. Like I said, if I were pope... But I know that ain't gonna happen. I have a much better chance of winning all the states' lotteries (including Powerball) at the same time.

I'd hate to think of what would happen to me if I were living in a country like Iran, Saudi Arabia or some other extremist nation deeply connected with an official religion and pointing out what's wrong with their doctrine. At least here in the United States of America, religion is up for debate without fear of getting jailed or even killed for just discussing it. Well, at the official government level, anyway. One of the reasons we're never gonna have peace on Earth is the unending feuds and wars between our differing faiths. It's "my way" or "no way you're gonna live" in some parts of the world. Indeed there will never be a lasting peace unless all the religions drop their "death to heathens" decrees and just adopt the belief that some people just see God differently; it's the same God, they just have a different interpretation of him. And the different religions should be able to exist as long as no one is harmed or killed in practice of it.

So there you have it. That's my personal faith, transcribed to the best of my ability. Call me misguided if you want, but believe me, I've racked my baptized-n-confirmed conscience over all of this, over everything in my faith where I differ with the established religious authority. And I just can't perceive it anywhere in my heart that some of these sins are truly sinful. And somewhere down the line, I'll probably revise my beliefs to some degree. Bottom line is, all of us (or the vast majority of us, anyway) are searching for greater meaning in our lives and turning to God for answers, and more power to 'em.

But just keep in mind that not everyone is going to agree on what God is like - we're all gonna have our differences, and debating peacefully between those differences may even serve to strengthen our personal faith. And let's keep it to peaceful debate, and not impose or force our doctrine on others. The real desecration and blasphemy of God happens when we're killing, hurting or insulting others in his name. This world would be a much better place if we live and let live in regards to our religions. Amen to that.

What Love Means To Me (from Feb. 14, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:16 am) [edit]

If I have the gift of prophecy and, with full knowledge, comprehend all mysteries,
if I have faith great enough to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
- 1 Corinthians 13:2

San Pablo couldn't have said it better. Sure, he was really talking about the platonic, caring-for-your-fellow-ne ighbor kind of love that Jesus was promoting, but that verse does ring true to me. Without love, I am nothing. I could win a $20 million Lotto jackpot, I could have perfect health, I could take care of all my problems and be living worry-free... but if there is no love in my life, I feel empty and destitute inside. In fact, without love, today's commentary would probably be called "Dating STILL Sucks, Part II."

I place great value on love and affection in a relationship, and do not scoff at sweetness at all. I believe that cynicism is a major factor in the decline of romance and relationships in today's world, and I would not want the love of my life to give in to the cynical influences of society.

Somebody needs to find a way to make romance hip again. There ought to be some "macho" terms for being affectionate. I think this is a key factor in why there's too much hatred in the world... your basic average man doesn't want to be caught dead using the words "snuggle", "cuddle" or other too-cutesy sounding terms like that. Some suggestions: "Gripping", "clutching", "snagging" or "bodylock". Just something a man can use and not sound like a pansy to his frat-house friends.

There is progress for other words previously taboo to the male vocabulary. "Love" is gaining some ground in usage among males, and we have the hip-hop culture to thank for that. It's understandable if a man is hesitant to say "I love you" in a platonic way to another man, but he does sound more hip and masculine saying "I gots love for my brotha/cuz/homey". Know what I'm sayin', G? It's quite encouraging. But I digress.

A person of my weight and appearance will no doubt discover that love is hard to come by. And it's been a real trying time for me. I spent fifteen years of my life trying to find lasting love, even at the ages when relationships were an unpopular idea among my peers. And those years were dominated by loneliness and heartbreak. And the women out there were either a) taken already, b) were completely devoted to staying single, c) were too frigid, or d) just wanted me as a friend.

I would probably be seen as a total loser in this area. But I never lost my confidence, and I never considered myself a loser. One of the mottoes I have in life is: "You're only a loser if you give up." Finding true, honest love has never been easy for me - and I never expected it to be easy - but it's always been something I could never, ever give up on. I knew out there somewhere was someone yearning for a special person in her life. And I would use every option out there to find her, including the internet. If one of my cousins can find true and lasting love over the internet, then dammit, so could I.

I can look back and say that I've had decent success in dating... at least since the beginning of 1995, anyway. There's been many chance meetings, many set-up meetings through personal ads, a few intimate "flings", and a handful of women that I could actually call girlfriends. One even resulted in a brief marriage. Now, don't get the wrong idea about all this tallying... through all these rendezvouses (for lack of a better plural spelling) I never was looking just to "score", but to eventually have the dating end up in a loving, lasting relationship.

(Fair Warning: Those of you who gag at the sight of sentimental expression, please stop reading NOW. The rest of this piece is directed at one certain person.)

Then on September 8, 2001, you entered my life. That was the day that I came across your message in a relentless search for new love. We exchanged messages and kept in touch online and on the phone. We were eager to meet up to see if this was really the love we each were looking for. It was only six days later that I saw you in person for the first time. A quiet, reserved soul, but still someone I held great interest in. We walked around the mall, talking about all sorts of things. While there wasn't excessive conversation between us, I felt a great degree of comfort in your presence. And the kiss we shared at the end of the evening led me to believe I had found the kind of love I was trying so hard to seek out.

So far I was right. It's been exactly five months now since we met up. And I feel an immense charge of love that I haven't felt in years. I feel it whenever you're on the phone or chatting with me through the computer. I feel it whenever we embrace... whether in good times or bad. I feel it just by thinking about you and wanting to see you again. My thoughts run wild thinking about the future and what's in store for our relationship. And as time goes by, I get further and further convinced that our love is genuine.

I hope you feel the same way I do about us. I hope that despite all my faults, shortcomings and undesirable habits, you still hold a passionate and unconditional love for me. And I hope that this love of ours is one that will last a lifetime.

Here's to many more years of a wonderful, unique love that could only grow as we live our lives together. I love you, Kristi.

A Nomadic Mind (from Jan. 28, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:13 am) [edit]

Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be born on the east coast or in California, but by some cosmic freak accident I wound up in Texas.

I mean, I just don't fit many characteristics of a typical Southerner. I don't like pecans. I never had a socially conservative mindset. Had I lived during the Civil War, I probably would have denounced slavery and opposed secession from the United States. And I probably wouldn't have lasted long in the Texas of old. Tarred 'n feathered 'n run out on a rail probably would've been my fate.

I could probably make a living in the Midwest... the winters and the state income taxes would be a bitch, but there are many places in Iowa, Indiana, Wisconsin and Ohio where members of my family live... distant family members, but they're family nonetheless. Maybe somewhere in Virginia... it's part of the "Old South", but at least it borders Yankee territory and New York is not too far away. California is out of the question... I would like to keep my electric bills decent, thank you. Maybe Las Vegas, Nevada would be a good place to live... while summertime may prove to be unbearable, those casinos are bursting with graphic design opportunities. Actually, while I don't feel I belong in the Southern part of our great nation, at the same time I do have a fair amount of "Texas Pride" in me... so it would be hard to move out of state.

You know that old bumper sticker saying, "American By Birth, Texan By The Grace Of God"? That does seem to ring pretty true for me. I do thank God that Texas is seen to have a more progressive, "rugged-individualist" nature than the other former Confederate states. And you can't get more progressive or rugged-individualist than the state capital itself, Austin. I spent only a year living there, and I could almost feel the aura that the area seems to have. A laid-back, free-spirited vibe that is hard to find anywhere else in this region. There are times when I miss living in Austin, when I curse the circumstances that drove me out of that area, knowing that if I did move back, the rents would only be more ridiculous.

I've come to the conclusion that the reason I have very few close friends is the fact that I've been moving around too much.... that I hardly ever get a chance to settle in and build lasting friendships and grow strong ties to my community. Ever since I moved out of my parents' house ten years ago, I haven't really had a situation where I felt at ease with my home and my work, where I knew I could settle down, establish some deep roots, things like that. I was all ready to do that in Austin when a certain supervisor at my place of employment acted like a complete bitch and drove me to the point that I would take the first good job offer that came along, just to get the hell out of there. Since then I've been making a half-decent living in the Fort Worth area, but there are still a few community and workplace issues that bug me.

It's a walk on thin ice, it seems... where it'll only take one traumatic event, such as all of a sudden losing my job or getting in a disabling accident, to send everything crashing down. Right now, my job is in an area that is totally without bus service, so a severe car wreck would also totally screw me up. And if stuff like that causes me to move out of town again or whatever, I'd probably continue like this until I find someplace that I can live and work comfortably.

At the moment, I probably won't move out of the Dallas/Fort Worth area. For one thing, I'm a Howard Stern fan and I don't want to miss out on his final four years on radio... and the closest Stern market right now is Memphis. For another thing, Houston just dropped all their highway speed limits to 55, and you can ask Sammy Hagar how I feel about that... so the Houston area isn't a good idea at all. In fact, I'm dreading the drive to Galveston for this year's Mardi Gras... I can just see all the salivating state troopers in hiding, just praying that some unsuspecting soul will cruise along at 60 mph. Why couldn't the limits drop to 60, just like DFW? It would sure be easier to figure out how long it would take to get somewhere. Anyway, I digress. As I mentioned earlier, Austin's apartments probably cost as much as Chicago's by now. Finally, my sweetheart lives in Mineral Wells, and I sure as hell don't want to move too far from there.

So right now I'm just hoping and praying that the current economic malaise doesn't affect me OR the business I work at. I could see myself actually planting some serious roots in the area I currently live in... while it's seen better days, there is potential for some revitalizing development, with the nearby commuter rail station and all. I would love to settle in, maybe buy a house and everything, to finally feel completely "at home"... but quite a few things are gonna have to happen (and a few things need to NOT happen) before my mind can get that way.

My Dissection Of 2001 (from January 2, 2002)

08.03.04 (10:11 am) [edit]

Well, this year was an emotional roller coaster, wasn't it? For me, I had a fairly good year altogether. I began the year by finding a wonderful, loving girlfriend (which, alas, lasted only two months) and ended the year by meeting an even MORE wonderful and loving girlfriend (starting in September and still going strong). In between, I discovered new relatives, got involved with a local radio show, got a measly one-dollar raise, and weathered a social storm in the chatroom that I usually converse in.

If anyone was a regular listener to the Ron & Don Show during its all-too-brief one year run on 105.3 FM, yes, I was "One Ton Tom". I was singled out by the two self-proclaimed "homo fat bastard a-holes" at a live remote broadcast of their show. They held a trivia contest for WWF Raw Is War tickets and I managed to get their attention for the chance at the tickets. I had made a hasty exit from my girlfriend's apartment that I had stayed at last night - she had to get to work real early - so they really zeroed in on my unkept appearance. But I weathered it all and won the tickets. Every once in a while I would call in on the show or be involved in one of their "bits". Though I winced at some of the ideas they suggested that I do, they assured me it's all just radio schtick. It was indeed a love/hate relationship, but it was quite memorable for me nonetheless. And it all came to a halt at the end of September, when contract negotiations fell apart. All in all, it was the best fun I've had with a radio station in years.

2001 will also be remembered as the year that I officially made genealogy a hobby of mine. I decided to undertake the massive task of updating the Overbeck family tree and putting it online. My research took me on my biggest out-of-state trip of the year, flying to Minneapolis and driving to a rural Iowa town on the Mississippi River. I met a couple of distant relatives on this trip and got lots of pictures. I discovered a few other of my cousins through E-mail, in the U.S. and abroad. Since my ancestry dates back to the 16th century, I've got hundreds of family members, past and present, to input. But all the information and discoveries I've made so far has strengthened the ties to my family. And I had lots of fun visiting my great-great-great-grandfa ther's hometown.

It certainly helped get my mind off the turmoil that engulfed me in the IRC chatroom that I frequented the most in 2000 and this year. I went to Houston to ring in 2001 with a chatroom party. Suddenly the plans I had to stay with a friend fell through at the last minute, and I had to find someplace to stay fast. Fortunately, one of the revelers and her group were kind enough to let me crash on the floor of their room. The party was a blast, and I was grateful to those guys for the accommodations. Unfortunately, some rumors went flying and the following days I caught all sorts of hell from the chatroom folks that already hated me. It got so bad that some of my online friends turned from me. It took me many months to get back in good standing with some of those people. Yet some folks on there still hold a grudge, unable to grow the hell up. (By the way, I went back to the same gathering for New Years 2002 a few days ago, with my own hotel room this time, and the evening passed without incident.)

Anyway, that was my year in a nutshell. I am certainly glad to see 2001 go. And I hope 2002 is a year that sees me make a lot of good progress in my life and my lifestyle.

TOM'S TOP 30 SONGS OF 2001

1. Crystal - New Order
This band has been one of my favorites for years. And this year is the first since 1993 that they've put out a new album. But even if they released an album last year, I would still give this excellent track the top spot. They've managed to keep their sound fresh and entrancing.

2. Get Ya Freak On - Missy Elliott
These days, most rap beats all sound the same, so it's refreshing to hear something so unusual yet so addictive (to quote Missy's album title). And this track, with its minimalist feel and tribal groove, is addictive indeed.

3. Fade - Staind
It was hard to choose which song was the best off their compelling new album "Break The Cycle".... do you go with It's Been Awhile, Fade, For You, or the remade-for-the-studio Outside? In the end, Fade won out for being most emotional and most melodic.

4. Alive - P.O.D.
This is how Christian rock should sound, dammit!!! A kickass riff and powerful lyrics.

5. Stay Together For The Kids - Blink-182
For years, the Blinkmeisters were basically a party-punk band, so hearing a serious song about kids in the middle of a broken home is quite unexpected of these guys. But if a song can be potent enough to bother recent divorcee Howard Stern, then it must be pretty good. And it is.

6. Purple Pills - D-12
And somethin' somethin' somethin' somethin'. The best stoned-silly ditty this year.

7. Dead of Night - Depeche Mode
One of my favorite bands reinvigorate themselves with this cool track full of sexy swagger.

8. Evolution Revolution Love - Tricky
I like the video for this one... a man in a dark alley keeps ripping his face off to reveal the faces of the other singers. Ever wanted to see Live's Ed Kowalczyk's head on a black man's body?

9. Schism - Tool
Maynard & Co. at their earth-shattering best.

10. Sunny Hours - Long Beach Dub All-Stars
A great laid-back yet energetic offering from the surviving members of Sublime & friends.

11. Rockin' The Suburbs - Ben Folds
Great to see the piano maestro back.

12. Mourning - Tantric
Days of the New rejects return with a compelling new CD. This somber-yet-elegaic track is indeed the best of the bunch.

13. Baby Phat - De La Soul
The plugs return with an ode to the big-n-beautiful women.

14. The Whole World - OutKast
These guys from Atlanta continue to push the hip-hop envelope with crazy-wack-funky stuff like this.

15. All The Way To Reno - R.E.M.
Check out the video for this one, filmed entirely by high school students when the band visited their campus.

16. Fallin' - Alicia Keys
This young lady's got a hell of a voice and talent to match.

17. The Shame of Life - Butthole Surfers
Sure, it sounds a lot like their last hit, Pepper. But these guys are still inventive and twisted where it counts.

18. Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Houston's finest get the party started with sexy lyrics and Stevie Nicks's "White Winged Dove" riff.

19. Island In The Sun - Weezer
Nice to see the geek-rock titans back as well.

20. Who We Be - DMX
A powerful track and a killer video to go with it.

21. My Sacrifice - Creed
These guys are at the top of their form right now.

22. Chop Suey - System Of A Down
The most manic song of the year. Serj Tankian wouldn't sound out of place in one of those old Sega Genesis commercials.

23. Fat Lip - Sum 41
How to avoid sounding like Blink-182 clones: Throw in a healthy dose of classic Beastie Boys.

24. Spirit of an Indian - Shackleford Brown
The best local act of the year delivers an awesome-sounding tribute to the Native Americans.

25. I Did It - Dave Matthews Band
Great song from a great album. For all their commercial success, this band hasn't lost its eclectic funk groove.

26. Dig In - Lenny Kravitz
It's Lenny Zeppelin! This track has a cool "Misty Mountain Hop" vibe to it.

27. Drops of Jupiter - Train
Sounds real classic-rock, yet sounds so fresh at the same time.

28. Where's Your Head At? - Basement Jaxx
A twisted yet funky techno track. And the video will mess with your head, too.

29. Bodies - Drowning Pool
Never thought you'd see a song from a local act wind up as the theme for WWF's SummerSlam, didja?

30. Hang On To This - Days of the New
Travis Meeks continues to build on his eccentric tastes.

BEST MOVIE THAT I SAW THIS YEAR: Shrek. A hilarious and irreverent computer-animated joyride through fairy-tale-land. The best part about this film is the moral: Looks aren't everything.

WHAT I WAS DOING AT THAT FATEFUL MOMENT ON SEPTEMBER 11: I was sitting at my desk at work, hammering away at a community guide magnet, listening to the Long Beach Dub All-Stars CD (their first one, Right Back) that I bought just yesterday. I noticed a few people huddled around a neighboring desk where a co-worker had a tiny TV. A few minutes later, I noticed a bunch more people had been drawn to that desk. That was when I figured something big was happening on the news. The rest, well, just go back and read "Killing In The Name Of".

WORST BUSINESS DECISION SINCE ASTROWORLD DISMANTLED THEIR NEEDLE RIDE: The legendary morning radio team of Bo Roberts & Jim White were welcomed with open arms by KZPS-FM (92.5, The Classic Rock Station) just three years ago. Thus, it came as a shock to their listening audience that they got fired in the middle of the summer. The official word from Clear Channel was that they wanted to take their morning show to "the next level." (Translation: They wanted to save money by ditching their costly radio veterans and putting a less expensive self-syndicated show in its place.) To no one's surprise, the new "Bob & Tom Show" alienated the classic-rock crowd in Dallas and KZPS sank like a stone in the ratings.

BEST GESTURE BY A RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Russ Martin on KYNG-FM (105.3, The Talk That Rocks) invited the cast-away Bo & Jim on his show so they could say goodbye to their faithful listeners. Funny, he never did that for Ron & Don...

WEIRDEST TITLE FOR AN ALBUM, CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES: Laundry Service, Shakira's new CD. Nothing against Shakira herself or her music, but...... HUH???? I mean, if this was an alt-rock band titling their album Laundry Service, I wouldn't be surprised. But she deals in Latin, pop and R&B. This album marked her crossover into the American pop mainstream. The cover just shows the album title tattooed onto her body. I'm just asking... Why THAT? Did she just go outside to a shopping center and say, "I'm gonna close my eyes, and spin around for a few seconds, and the first words that I see is what I'm gonna call the album"? Who knows... anyway, that first single "Whenever, Wherever" was pretty cool.

MOST PROMISING LOCAL ACT: Shackleford Brown. Imagine Lynyrd Skynyrd and Soundgarden forming a supergroup. They sound awesome both live and on record... in fact, their self-pressed debut full-length CD, "The Southern Distortion Revival", is my favorite album of 2001. If these guys play their cards right, they can be more then the "One Hit Wonder" they sing about... they just might become the next big superstar act that came to resurrect Southern rock.

MOST MEMORABLE THING I DID THIS SUMMER: Participate in a chicken-fight in the pool at the Men's Club. This was one of Ron & Don's stunts that I enjoyed, since it involved mounting two different exotic dancers on my shoulders to go into battle with two other dancers mounted on a radio employee, with their mission to rip off the opponent's bikini top. I didn't want to wash the back of my neck after that.

BEST AND MOST WELCOME DISCOVERY ON THE INTERNET: Hotwire.com. Yeah, I know I'm coming off as a shill for an internet company, but let me tell you this: For years I was grumbling about how expensive a hotel stay was getting, even at a Motel 6. That all changed when I saw the deals that Hotwire was getting. Although you don't know the name of the hotel you stay at until after the room is paid for, they only deal in reputable chains, and the savings are enormous. I stayed at an AmeriSuites in Austin for only $40, which was $120 less than the posted rate. I stayed at a Wellesley Suite Hotel in west Houston for $32 a night. Un-fuckin-believable. I hope these guys stick around for a long time, because I'll be using their services a LOT.

Thirty (from Dec. 2, 2001)

08.03.04 (10:06 am) [edit]

It's gonna take a while to sink in, that's for sure.

Today marks the day that I've spent three decades living this life. And this ain't no ordinary milestone. Just like at 16, 18, 20, 21 and 25, this is one of those milestones that leads me to assess my life, where it's been, and where it's going.

Thirty years old. In Roman numerals, 30 is XXX - which is either an adult film rating, a euphemism for liquor or a ZZ Top album. If this was the sixties, I couldn't be trusted anymore. It seems like age is a stigma these days... people don't want to be 30. They say it's the 14th anniversary or their 29th birthday or something like that. I myself have no shame in saying that I'm 30. I don't see age as a liability - I'm a firm believer in the adage "You're only as old as you feel."

I'll tell you this much, though... I hate my past.

Not ALL of it, though. I don't know why, but I seem to remember my bad times more vividly than my good times. It may stem from my extra-sensitivity as a child, something that is still painful and very embarrassing to talk about now. It made me an easy target for bullying and teasing, entertainment from someone's misfortune.

It led me to withdraw from social life, to not trust anyone with my feelings, for fear that I would be the laughing stock of high school, ruining what was supposed to be "the best years of my life". As a result, I had very few friends throughout my childhood and my young adulthood, which certainly contributed to my inability to carry on light conversation... two things that handicap me to this day. I don't want to sound like I'm griping or anything like that... I just want people to understand why I ended up the socially-struggling person that I am.

And it's something that I have been trying to overcome for most of my life. As much as I wish "Back To The Future" was real, I can't change the past. And as much as I wish "Men In Black" was real, there's no simple way of erasing my memories, especially not with a handheld gadget. And believe me, there are plenty of things that have happened in my life that I would absolutely LOVE to forget. Just get a lobotomy or get brain-damaged in some way or something. All I can really do is try to keep these ill moments from invading my thoughts.

I feel the effects of mental aging every time a family member passes away, which has been happening too much lately. I never really knew my grandfathers, as they both died in the early seventies. I recently lost both my grandmothers in the last two years. So I've felt the big "generational shift" a few years before this day. My father (no, he's still alive) was 30 when I was born in 1971, the youngest of three kids. With the passing of today, the shift is pretty much complete for me.

I do have my goals in this stage of my life. I'm not quite at the financial level that I want to be; I'm struggling to pay all my bills on time and I rarely have the funds to keep my car running, save for gas. Next year I plan on finding a better-paying full time job. Sometime in the next five years I want to start a family. If I can ever get my bankruptcy and credit bullshit behind me, I want to finally get my own house in the next few years or so.

I do have some things going for me. My car, despite the little nagging problems I'm having with it right now, still runs, and I've had less costly problems with it than some of the other cars I've had this long. I have a nice apartment with a scenic view out the back window. While I struggle with my health and my allergies, I still have all my arms, legs, and eyes and everything still works. I have a sweet and caring girlfriend who I love very much and no one - not even a chubby-chasing supermodel - could tear me away from her.

At any rate, I am looking forward to the upcoming year. Life has not been kind to me for the most part since mid-1998. But I think I turned a corner in 2001, so I hope 2002 builds on that. Maybe the next ten years - my own thirties - will be beneficial for me. Hopefully, there will be some good changes ahead. A couple of months ago, a radio talk show had on a psychic-type who told people's fortunes based on their birthdays. Fortunately someone called in with my exact birthday, and the lady told him that he was about to start a new cycle in his life. While I don't really follow psychics or horoscopes or anything like that, hearing a positive prediction like that is always encouraging.

So wish me luck. Or wish me a happy birthday at least.

Music As Therapy (from Nov. 25, 2001)

08.03.04 (10:04 am) [edit]

Music soothes the savage beast. Music is a universal language. Music makes the people come together. And so on and so on.

Music has personally gotten me through some tough times. And I know I'm not alone in testifying to this. The right song has certainly helped in getting someone's feelings across to someone else, as the proliferation of dedications on the radio would indicate.

Today is especially poignant, as it would have been my sister's 36th birthday, had cancer not claimed her life in 1998. From time to time I still wish there was something I could have done to save her. In times of tragedy and loss like this, the right song can indeed comfort and lift my spirits, such as "Let It Be" by The Beatles or "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. Sometimes I'll listen to music that just sounds like it fits the mood, where the message in the lyrics doesn't exactly match. Stuff like the Cure, Joy Division, Staind or Smashing Pumpkins. Maybe the occasional country song from Merle Haggard or Hank Jr.

Different music will work for different people, of course, whether they primarily listen to country or R&B or techno. The most legendary musical artists (save for the million-selling bubblegum pop acts who mostly perform songs devoid of real feeling) are those who can genuinely connect with their fans on an emotional level. The Beatles (and their subsequent solo efforts) started out with the bubblegum fare, but managed to transcend that in their later years with messages of peace, love, revolution and spirituality. The Doors didn't have that pop start, but no one can doubt the raw emotion that Jim Morrison put into their songs.

One band that had big potential to be the heartfelt-rock superstars of their era was Joy Division. Lead singer Ian Curtis had a rocky marriage and was prone to epileptic seizures, but he didn't hide these facts when he performed on stage and in the studio. Unfortunately, his problems got the best of him and he committed suicide just when his band was about to blast off in popularity. A decade later, Nirvana would connect with millions of disenfranchised teens and twentysomethings with a sound of unapologetic fury and noise. A pity that Kurt Cobain met the same fate as Ian Curtis.

On the rap side of music, it was artists like Tupac Shakur and Scarface who presented all sides of thug life, warts and all. While most other rappers were just rhyming about living large, scoring with bitches and acting out gung-ho gangsta fantasies, these two among others were also wondering if they would live to see the next day, worried for their families, their homies, and their own mental state.

Today's true-emotion rock movement is gaining a leader in Aaron Lewis, the singer for Staind. His band is gaining quite a devoted following with many of their fans writing to Aaron, thanking him for his music which has gotten them through various tough times. And with lyrics like "You can't feel my anger, you can't feel my pain, you can't feel my torment driving me insane" and "I was needing someone to talk to, you were just too busy with yourself", it's easy to see why Staind makes a huge emotional connection with their followers.

Does listening to a prerecorded song take the place of counseling or psychiatric help? Of course not. But not everyone has the money for a doctor visit, and not all health care plans cover the mental health side of things. And like one famous mental health clinic's slogan says... "If you can't get help from us, get help somewhere." Better a sixteen-dollar compact disc than nothing.

Lawrence of Halloween (from Oct. 31, 2001)

08.03.04 (10:02 am) [edit]

Those of us who had big brothers... you remember the love/hate thing going on, right? One moment he was the biggest pest, the next moment he was a role model worth looking up to. My brother was no different.

At eight years (and one month and two days if you wanna get technical) older than me, he was getting into his teens when I was just starting kindergarten. Many times I heard "Get out of here!" when my curiosity found myself in his room. Many times there was roughhousing and games in which he sometimes had an unfair advantage. Some of his habits got on my nerves... don't get me started on the bathroom. Your basic sibling-rivalry stuff, all a part of growing up for many of us.

But if it's one thing I'll give my brother credit for, above anything else, it would be influencing my earliest musical tastes. As the first of us three to be able to drive, sometimes he would be asked by my mother to give me a ride to school or some other place. And in that ride, he would always be blasting all kinds of rock music from the 8-track car stereo, like Van Halen, Foreigner, Heart, Ozzy Osbourne, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Rush, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Cheap Trick... the list goes on and on. And I would sometimes cover my ears, as at the time I had no idea why in hell people liked to listen to music real loud.

He also had an extensive vinyl collection, which he kept in pristine condition and a few of those records I have inherited from him. My appreciation for the Beatles partly stemmed from my brother possessing the "red" and "blue" greatest-hits record sets, as well as the White Album.

I also give him credit for introducing me to Star Wars. Right from the onset in 1977, he had the soundtrack records, the posters, and some of the original action figures. (And I hope he held on to some of those figures... they're pretty valuable these days.) When his stereo wasn't blasting Journey, it was blasting John Williams and the Star Wars theme music. And occasionally he would take me to the General Cinema at the Galvez Mall to see the films.

To this day he's still a role model in some ways. I can only hope that my next marriage is as stable and loving as his has been. It was your basic "high school sweethearts" story... they met in high school, she was only a year behind him. They marry only a couple years after graduating. Though the marriage had some rough moments early on, it has overall endured to this day, which is quite an accomplishment given how volatile and unstable many relationships are these days. And to me they have proven that you can still go out and have a good social life as a married couple just as you did when you were just dating.

So happy birthday, Larry. And may the Force be with you.

Nothing Seems Right In Cars (from October 16, 2001)

08.03.04 (9:58 am) [edit]

I will soon start the process of moving to a new apartment - one that's only a mile away from a commuter rail station. I am moving here - about 5 miles further away from my current job - because sometime in the future I may look for a new job in Dallas or Fort Worth, one that will hopefully be convenient to the light rail and commuter rail system. This way I could take the trains to work, and be less dependent on my car.

Right now I can barely afford to have a nice car. It's a 1997 Kia with 90,000 miles and gaining. It's already had a few small problems that I was fortunate to be able to fix without having to pawn anything. Getting those problems taken care of, however, wasn't easy. I had to bum rides from co-workers, take expensive cab rides, and borrow cars from my parents while my car was in the shop. I tried riding my bike to work one time, but it was freezing cold going there and hot coming back. Plus I caught a nasty cold.

I know I would take the bus to work if I could. However, the city I currently live and work in - Arlington, Texas - is one of the largest cities in the U.S.A. without public transportation, if not THE largest. Three times bus service was put up to a vote in Arlington... and three times it was turned down. The most common reason: We don't want higher sales taxes to support a bus system that no one will use. Do the people voting "NO" even realize that there are thousands of hard-working citizens in this city that would benefit from having bus service available? Another argument: The money would be better spent building more roads and expanding freeways. Never mind the fact that there's hardly any room left to expand freeways, not to mention it takes a good 6-10 years to do the studies, buy the right of way, and pour the concrete. And besides, a lot of our highway money comes from the federal government, which plans to stop the funding if clean air standards aren't met by the end of the decade. Which means we're gonna be stuck with our clogged freeways and construction headaches for a while as more people move into this area and add to the traffic. So why not expand our options from just walking or taking a car or taxi?

How people are totally against mass transit in some parts of town just bewilders me. The most famous case of bigwigs-versus-buses in the DFW area was back in 1996. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wanted to remodel Texas Stadium in the city of Irving - add more luxury boxes, maybe put a roof on it - and he had an idea on how to fund it: Eliminate the 1% sales tax that Irving dedicated to Dallas's bus service and redirect that revenue to renovating his precious stadium. Needless to say, he was vilified by the working class and other folks that depended on DART in their city. Although Jerry promised he would help set up a replacement transit system (that would be scaled back and less reliable than DART), the referendum to take bus service out of Irving failed by a comfortable margin. And what little respect I had for the Cowboys' owner was completely gone by the end of that year.

Besides the tax issue, the other main argument - that buses bring in low-lifes and criminals from the bad parts of town - is very frivolous to me. You know, if criminals want to get to a certain nice neighborhood, they'll get there if it means riding a bus, hitching a ride with a friend, or just plain walking there. Buses aren't going to make the criminal's job much easier. And besides, the vast majority of bus riders are indeed law-abiding citizens who either can't afford a car or would prefer to use their cars less.

And why do you think there are so many rotten old cars on the road spewing the most pollutants into the air? Because the drivers of those clunkers probably live out where bus service is nonexistent or very unreliable. They have no other means of running errands or getting to their jobs. So they have to buy a $500 car from a bottom-feeder car lot or a want ad, and drive it very cautiously hoping not to attract the attention of any police officers that could bust them for expired inspection/registration, busted lights, or excessive emissions. If more of these people had the option of taking the bus to work and to the store and so on, I would guarantee there would be less air pollution caused by worn-out vehicles still being forced into service. I've driven my share of rustbuckets, most memorable being a 1981 Toyota Corolla station wagon.

I seem to be the poster child for the Murphy's Law of automobiles: Almost everything that could go wrong with a car has happened to me over the thirteen years of my driving and the eleven cars I've had in my possession. Four of these cars got totaled in accidents. The majority of my credit card debt (and the majority of the money I still owe to my parents) has gone to fixing or buying cars. My insurance is running me $175 a month. And my current car is making a clunking noise that I hope to God doesn't cost over $150 to fix. I probably won't be able to have that kind of disposable income for a few weeks. It's enough to make me want to move to New York, I don't care how bad it is there right now.

And it seems to me that the newer the car is, the more expensive it is to repair and maintain. It cost me about $150 to replace the alternator in a 1981 Mercury Cougar... and double that amount for the same problem in a 1993 Chevy Corsica. A rebuilt automatic transmission cost me $450 for the Cougar, over $1,200 for the Corsica (which was covered by an aftermarket warranty, thank God). Is it runaway inflation or am I just not finding the right repair shops?

At any rate, I hope public transportation keeps on gaining support in this area... so far, the passenger rail system here in Dallas is still raking in the money and is still attracting riders who wouldn't be caught dead on a bus. As for my situation, I hope Arlington does the right thing and approves bus service in the upcoming referendum that is currently scheduled for February. It would certainly make my life - and my budget - less burdensome.

Killing In The Name Of... (from Sept. 20, 2001)

08.03.04 (9:53 am) [edit]

"Can't we all just get along?" - Rodney King, 1992

"Can we get along? I doubt it." - Chuck D, 1994

Shocked. Horrified. Disgusted. Saddened. Pissed off.

I could probably think of other emotions I felt upon first hearing of the horrible terrorist attack that leveled the World Trade Center towers and tore open the Pentagon. And I still feel disgusted and sad.

Sad at the five thousand innocent lives that were taken. Disgust at the perpetrators of this horrid act. More disgust at the scenes of Palestinians celebrating the wreckage the terrorists made. Even MORE disgust at the hateful mindset of these extremists that see the United States of America as the "Great Satan", spreading the evils of capitalism and a permissive society, not to mention the diabolical act of lending support to Israel.

But overall, especially over a week removed from this, I feel great concern. Concern that a war on Afghanistan's Taliban regime (and yes, I do support retaliatory action including warfare) will spark greater conflict - like Israel getting into more battles or China, thinking that the U.S. is distracted, invading Taiwan. Concern that a prolonged war effort will reinstate the draft, ending hundreds to thousands of innocent lives prematurely. (More on that later, so don't pass judgment on me yet.) Concern that some people will use this tragedy as an excuse to ridicule, blame or assault those they find antagonizing. We've already experienced that from Jerry Falwell.

And the most grave concern I have is that this incident will set back race relations a few decades. Just when we've almost gotten over the black-vs.-white debacle, just when think we're on our way to racial harmony, a terrorist act takes place, and in blind rage some of us attack those who have the same complexion or dialect as the terrorists. Islamic mosques in the United States have already been vandalized. Already some innocent people have been murdered because they looked like a stereotypical "Arab", when those victims had nothing to do with the terrorists, they weren't even the same race or religion. Already there's talk of racial profiling against anyone who even looks Middle-Eastern. Anyone of Hispanic, Pacific-Island, Indian or Native American origin may end up in the same bag. And those who have every right to protest, like ACLU or LULAC, will be labeled "liberal" and "anti-American". If we're not careful, this could end up worse than the McCarthyism of the 1950s.

We need to remember that one of the ideals that America stands for is the freedom of the people to worship as they wish. That the overwhelming majority of Islamic followers are NOT nihilistic fanatics that have pure hatred against America, Israel, and so on. That there are (and were) extremists in almost every religious faith that would impose their beliefs on others if given the power, and would take innocent lives (including their own) just to show their support for the cause. Getting back to the title of this commentary (which was taken, by the way, from a lyric in a Rage Against The Machine song), killing in the name of anyone or anything is abhorring and stupid, but fanatical people have done so in the past, and we have not seen the end of it. People have killed in the name of Jesus. People have killed in the name of Yahweh. People have killed in the name of... well, no god at all, those were the Communists.

At any rate, terrorists for the most part will NOT be diplomatic. They can not be reasoned with. I suggest that when those responsible for the suicide attacks of September 11th are brought to trial, that they are punished in the manner of their home country. And I hear the Middle-Eastern nations have some very stiff penalties over there. Yes, we must start a war effort to kill the perpetrators or snuff them out. Which brings me back to the draft. I was only 2 years old when mandatory military service was suspended in the U.S. And looking into history books, novels and movies, I grew to have an unfavorable view of the draft, that it unfairly robbed young Americans of their freedom, and in some cases, condemning those unfortunate to be plopped into the front lines to a young death. From age 18 to age 26 I prayed that the U.S. wouldn't be dragged into a major war. I wasn't being cowardly... I just knew that I would not make a good soldier, that I valued my life, and that I was willing to support my country in any other non-violent way. Let me remote-control a missile from the comfort of my own computer, if that's possible.

As of now my views on military conscription have changed somewhat. I am confident that this war will be fought without the need for a new draft. I remember the words of President Bush (the other one) at the onset of the Desert Storm battle: "We have an all-volunteer army that is capable of getting the job done." I hope that is still the case today. Basically, let's keep the armed forces staffed entirely with those who choose to be there on the battlefields. And if a draft is needed later on, let's raise the ages of military eligibility, where no one should have to be pressed into military service until, say, age 23. The youth of America should be able to enjoy life a little bit longer, to experience all the privileges of American adults, before having to report to the armed forces. It's downright pitiful that in America, you can be old enough to fight and die for your country, but not old enough to drink legally.

And while the sudden rush of newfound patriotism is nice, I just think we should be careful not to overdo it, lest we end up sugar-coating the situation. I do have a magnet with the American flag on it stuck on the trunk of my car at the moment, and this one has a special message for the terrorist dickweeds. It's great to be proud of your country and to show your support for America and everything this land stands for, but I'm just concerned that we're turning this into a second Independence Day. All I'm saying is, keep the flag displays up, but let's stay focused on the tasks at hand: contributing to rescue and recovery efforts (and I hope to God that there's still some people alive in that mess) , paying tribute to those lives lost in the World Trade Center, Pennsylvania and the Pentagon, and letting our enemies know that we are mad as hell and we're not gonna take it anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm just as pro-America as the next guy (and if you don't believe me, check out this little patriotic piece that I wrote 4 years ago), but we can't let our collective state of panic that we seem to be in erode the basic freedoms that our forefathers fought and died for. USA Today polls show that a majority of those surveyed were willing to give up some civil liberties for safety's sake, some going as far to favor wiretaps and prying into E-mails. Many calls into radio talk shows seem to lean in this favor as well. And I think that's going a bit too far. I'm thinking long-term damage here. If we start snooping into E-mails and phone conversations, and doing other careless maneuvers like eliminating the need for warrants when searching someone or their property, we're going to end up just like the Soviet Union or any of the other oppressive nations out there, present or past.

This is going to be a bitch to get over, that's for sure. I'm praying for everyone... for repose of the souls of the perished, for healing among their kindred, for wisdom in our government's decisions in this matter, for enlightenment in the terrorists' minds that murder for whatever reason or cause is just plain STUPID, and for all of us to pull through this with less fear and a renewed sense of responsibility and an improved love and respect for our country.

Osama Bin Laden? More like "Osama Bin Nice Knowin' Ya".

MTV and How It Occupied My Life (from August 21, 2001)

08.03.04 (9:49 am) [edit]

I remember when I first got my MTV. The exact date slips my mind, but I know it was sometime in March of 1983 when Galveston's cable TV service finally wised up and shuffled MTV into their lineup. At the time I was 11, and not really able to do much on Friday and Saturday nights except be glued to the tube. I turned on the TV early one March morning switched the cable box to channel 27, and there it was. I remember the video that was playing, too... it was in the middle of "Let Me Go" by Heaven 17. For the next several years, my TV habits would be dominated by watching music videos.

This wasn't my first taste of video music, however. Music has always been a huge part of my life, ever since I caught whatever was blaring out my brother's stereo in the seventies. And as early as "Solid Gold '79", I was intrigued by seeing what kind of tricks that musicians, and the directors of the videos, would do with the cameras while they performed.

I was treated to one of the coolest early videos back in 1981, before we even had cable at all. The local NBC affiliate would show SCTV right after Saturday Night Live back then, and one night they had a little dance party skit going on. In this skit they played the video "Once In A Lifetime" by Talking Heads. The one with just David Byrne in some dorky glasses, a wavy blue background and some African village footage. To this day I can barely resist making that chopping motion with my hand whenever I hear that song.

I was so intrigued by the art of the music video that I tried to catch it wherever and whenever I could. And before MTV, for me there was the Midnight Special, the occasional America's Top 10, and HBO's Video Jukebox. Then there came NBC's Friday Night Videos, USA's Night Flight and TBS's Night Tracks... between Duran Duran, Billy Idol, Bananarama, Springsteen and Def Leppard, all of a sudden I was almost a couch-potato zombie.

Fortunately I snapped out of it by the time I entered high school. By that time it was late 1986, and almost every video director was using grainy out-of-focus shots, shaking the camera around, and basically making videos look sloppy. At the time I was just turned off by all that. But MTV would continue to play a major role in my musical tastes.

In my high-school years I turned my attention towards current events and the political and social climate of the time. I was enamored by the political activism of the sixties youth, with Woodstock, Vietnam, racial integration and all that. I was hoping to find some modern politically-charged energy in the music scene of the time, but in the moussed-hair-and-spandex world, it didn't seem like anyone on MTV or the other music shows really cared. I didn't think I'd be able to find any artists doing political-type stuff.

Until one fateful evening on August 1988. MTV was premiering its "Yo! MTV Raps" show. I was already into rap music back then, digging Run DMC, Beastie Boys, LL Cool J and others from the old school. But what I saw that night blew my mind away and forever changed my image of hip-hop (for the better). The group was Public Enemy. The video I saw that night was called "Night of the Living Baseheads". The video was shot mostly like a newscast, in a "60 Minutes" vein. Chuck D's powerful voice blasted on about the evils of crack cocaine and how it's corroding the inner city and how the government didn't seem to care. All this going over a noisy racket never before heard in the hip-hop world. All of a sudden Public Enemy became my favorite rap group, and I would be blasting "Fight The Power" on the way to school.

MTV would continue to play a major role in introducing me to new music and new artists. I probably would have never been turned on to De La Soul, Primus, Nirvana, New Order, R.E.M. or Digital Underground if I had never seen their videos on MTV. And just as the network started to decrease its video output and put on non-musical shows, I moved out on my own in 1992, and the troubles of real life snapped me out of my infatuation with music videos. I still was getting into the music, however, and while MTV was now just another show-based network (and I did like some of their shows like Liquid Television, Beavis and Butt-head and The State), it still had some real cool music videos on Sunday nights with their alt-rock "120 Minutes" show.

Nowadays MTV just doesn't appeal to me much anymore. 120 Minutes is still going, but that's about it. I mostly tune in to VH-1 now and check out all the cool "Behind The Music" documentaries. And if I can find a cable company that'll carry MTV2 and VH-1 Classic Rock for a decent price, I'll be more than happy.

At any rate, happy 20th birthday, MTV. You've come a long way, for better or worse.

Dating STILL Sucks (from July 22, 2001)

08.03.04 (9:46 am) [edit]

As long as there's no meaningful relationship in my life, this could be a recurring theme, so watch for sequels.

From November 2000 to March 2001, two wonderful people entered my life and seemed to evacuate it just as quickly. I'm still friends with them, but the love we had isn't really there anymore. Maybe it's still there and we just don't know it. But that's probably wishful thinking on my part.

Let me just say right off the bat that I suck at conversation and I'm not good at keeping in touch with people. If I become friends with somebody, he or she may not hear from me for months on end at the worst. It's something I'm well aware of and I would love to overcome, but for some reason I'm not motivated to. Maybe it's because I'm afraid I'll have nothing to talk about when I call, and we'll have many moments of awkward silences.

Or maybe it's because I'm too obsessed with finding a girlfriend or something. I've heard it all before from people: "You're trying too hard." "Just stop looking and she'll come to you." It would be near impossible for me to stop looking. The fact that most everyone I see in everyday life is happily hand in hand with someone they love, and I'm forced to go without, is just too painful for me to just disregard.

And I fear my desperation is only going to get worse, not to mention more noticeable, as time goes by. I feel it every time I hear of a classmate getting married, or a family member who has passed away, or things like that. I feel sometimes that life is passing me by, and I'm powerless to do anything about it.

I just want to find a woman that wants a long-term relationship, marriage, a family, the whole thing. You can't imagine how sick I am of the shallow, appearance-driven dating world. I would be so damn happy to be out of that scene. But to do so, I've got to hold my nose in the figurative sense and go through the motions, which I can conveniently break down into separate stages. My own personal "dating game", if you will.

STAGE 1: I first start talking to someone. This can be in person at a club or some other meeting place, a response from a personal ad, or on the Internet. Most of the time at the clubs, hardly any women even look interested in me. I can see it in their half-second glance at me and their eyes traveling on from there. If by some improbable chance that some lady is interested in speaking with me, I can usually hold a good conversation right there. If I end up with a phone number or e-mail address, I advance to...

STAGE 2: Repeated contact. Over the internet, if I hear from someone past the initial contact with me (and there have been too many that I never hear from again), that's when I reach Stage 2 from there. It's the "getting to know more about you" phase. I tell them my life story, what I like, what I dislike, my favorite things and so on. An opportunity to meet in person (for a second time, if personals or the internet wasn't involved) is set up. Just dinner, or coffee, or a bar, or a movie, or a stroll through the mall or something. Sometimes the meeting is successful. Like anyone else, I've been stood up many times on occasion. And this is where most of my prospects crap out. All of a sudden, they're hard to reach or too busy to do anything. A few unproductive calls later, I stop pursuing the matter. But if by some miracle they stick around, and the hugging and kissing starts going beyond the "friendly" type, then I know I've reached...

STAGE 3: The casual dating phase. We hang out at our respective living places. We meet each other's friends and cousins. This is where sex might start getting involved. As trust builds, so does the intimacy. Only a handful of women have gotten this far with me. And only a few went on to...

STAGE 4: The steady relationship. When we start saying "I love you" to each other, that's my indicator that I've advanced. At this point, we're now boyfriend/girlfriend. We meet each other's parents and other family. We hold deep, serious conversations about love, feelings and expectations. We even get in some fights, which if they get resolved with no damage to the relationship, strengthens our love for each other. It may take anywhere from weeks to a couple years to decide if this is the woman that I want to share my life with. And once I'm 100% confident that she's my perfect match (or at least satisfactorily compatible with me), then it's on to...

STAGE 5: Engagement. I buy the ring, I pop the question. A "yes" answer completes the transition to this stage. Of course, I've seen enough movies and TV shows to know that anything can still go wrong and ruin the relationship between now and marriage. But if we both make it to the altar without incident, and the "I do"'s are said and the rings exchanged, then we go head-on into...

STAGE 6: The newlywed phase. Our lifestyles, habits and shortcomings get totally interwoven and then hopefully worked out. Only one woman has ever made it to this stage in my life. And unfortunately, that's where it stopped. Our lifestyles and habits clashed too much, we argued way too much, and the love started to erode, getting to the point that sex came only once or twice a MONTH. Ultimately, we separated only 10 months after we married. I would have done almost anything to save the marriage, but (from my perspective anyway) she seemed to be disillusioned of me, that I turned out to be someone she didn't want to be matrimonially bound to, and she just wanted out of the marriage. Divorce came a year after the separation. And thus I was stopped short of my ultimate goal:

STAGE 7: A firm, established family. I don't know how my parents have done it, but they've been together for almost 40 years. I can only hope to have a married relationship for half that time. But this is what I strive for... a relationship filled with love and faith, where kids can be raised in a loving environment, where nothing short of outright cheating can break it all up.

I know the statistics and the situations. I've seen the news stories and heard the horrors of marriages gone horribly wrong. I know the divorce rate is way too high, and I wonder if it's because we're more selfish or too full of what Travis Tritt calls "foolish pride." If it's an increase in outside temptations or a decrease in tolerance for the spouse's weaknesses. My mom and dad learned long ago to tolerate each other's bad habits and shortcomings. My brother and his wife - married since 1984 - have been doing fine so far, despite a one-year period of separation just four years into their marriage. My sister and her husband maintained a loving marriage and family for ten years, all the way up to her untimely death in 1998.

So why am I the odd man out? Almost thirty, and still stuck in the single life? I assure you, there's no peer pressure or family pressure involved. No one's giving me the guilt trip. I WANT a family. This is MY wish and my wish alone. Of course, this is something I wouldn't bring up when I'm just dating somebody, especially in meeting someone for the first time... I'm sure that would have the women running screaming from me. (Shouldn't it be the OTHER way around, with the women eager for a relationship and the men commitment-phobic?) I wouldn't want it to be a serious topic until Stage 4, basically.

The last two of my most serious dates have probably moved on by now and have new love interests. And I can only hope that I either get another chance with them, or find someone just like them. The names have been changed, of course, to protect the innocent, and I apologize in advance if I hurt anyone's feelings.

The first one, who I'll call Lisa, was a woman I met through an IRC chat room. She had a gorgeous face and a sexy voluptuous body. We first met in person at a restaurant for dinner. From there, the relationship was short but sweet, at one point getting real intimate. For the first time since my divorce from my ex-wife, I fell in love with someone.

However, it pretty much ended a couple weeks later, when she objected to a comment I made in the chatroom. I mentioned that I ought to take her to this one club, and it turned out it was one she wasn't fond of anyway. I admitted I screwed up right then. But then she accused me of talking in the chatrooms calling her my girlfriend. I didn't really do that - I wouldn't call anyone my girlfriend unless she was perfectly OK with it - but the fact that she objected to being called someone's girlfriend left a bad taste in my mouth. She didn't seem to want to leave Stage 3, in my opinion.

That was the only thing I had against Lisa, though. I still keep in touch with her, at the very least in a business sense with the company she works for. One of these days I'll have to ask her how her love life's going, and if she misses me any. Because every once in a while I'll get around to thinking of her, and wishing we were still an item.

A couple months later, I met a lady who I'll just call Ruth. She replied to an online personal ad that I was running. In her response she said that she agreed with just about everything that was in my ad. We met up in a remote bar on the edge of town that happened to have karaoke that night. The first impression I had of her was cute, warm and friendly. I even sang for her. At the end of that date, the kiss we shared in the parking lot led me to believe I was on to something genuine here.

And for a couple months, it was genuine. We loved each other, she met my parents (hers were living too far away), I met her cousins and other in-town family. We slept overnight at each other's places. She didn't hesitate in holding my hand or putting her arm around me. That was basically one of my indicators that she was the real thing. I was happily in love again, and she was so full of love for me.

Or so it seemed. All of a sudden the love stopped coming. She didn't want me staying overnight anymore. Then, one day, she calls and says she's not ready for a relationship, she wants to be alone. So that's where it ended... squarely in Stage 4, but no further.

Maybe the turning point was when I suggested we move in together eventually, and she said she didn't want to do that until we got married. I have a feeling that set something off in her head, that she was getting uncomfortable in the relationship turning serious. And so we broke it off. It still saddens me from time to time because, up to that point, Ruth was turning out to be almost the perfect girl for me.

I guess the only thing keeping me from actively persuading her to come back is her aversion to premarital cohabitation, which is something that in my opinion needs to happen before any marriage vows. And thank God my mother feels the same way. I have to live with somebody for a few months before I decide that we're compatible enough to live together in wedlock. I've already been through one marriage that didn't happen that way.

In my version of the perfect world, finding your mate would be easy and painless, and no one who feels lonely would be forced to stay that way. But I know I'm not in any fantasy world. And I know I'll have to keep on suffering in frustration and disgust until some young lady is brave and selfless enough to give my love a try. And I hope that comes soon, because loneliness is slowly driving me crazy.

This is the main reason I don't like to believe in fate and destiny. I hope to God I'm not destined to stay alone the rest of my life. I'd like to think you're in control of your fate all the way up to the day you die. And right now I do NOT wish to die alone and childless. That would probably ruin my day, or actually my afterlife. I don't even want to think of how I'd act if I found out I had a terminal illness.

And as much as I'm complaining about my rotten dating luck, I'm not looking for any "sympathy fucks", either. Therein lies the dilemma: How to come across as serious and committed, without looking desperate or vulnerable or trolling for sympathy. No easy solutions here, so I guess it's something I'll have to work out in due time. And if anyone I am currently dating happens to stumble across this little essay, rest assured that I'm not gonna pressure you into making a commitment. I want to have fun in a relationship just as much as you do, and as long as the love and the respect is there, I'll remain totally committed to a long-lasting relationship.

The last thing I want to do is scare any potential loves away. And I would not harm a soul out there. But there's always going to be that seething, submerged sense of urgency that drives me to search endlessly for that special someone. And there doesn't seem to be that many marriage-minded women my age out there. Believe me, I'm dead serious about a relationship and a family. If I have to, I'll save up for a mail-order bride if this situation drags on for too long. Fortunately, I'm not really THAT desperate.

Yet.

What's Forever For? (from July 10, 2001)

08.03.04 (9:42 am) [edit]

Would people eventually get bored living in eternity? I have a feeling I might.

The "eternal life" thing is indeed the common goal of any good Christian. Irene Cara was pretty excited about the prospect when she sang "I'm gonna live forever" in 1980. We have many different views and ideals of heaven, hell, and other forms of the afterlife. We even have a computer game devoted to the theme.

I certainly don't want to die anytime soon. I've got too much I want to accomplish before that happens. But when that time comes, either I'll wonder what's gonna happen next, or my brain will be too far gone for me to care.

And every once in a while, the subject will enter my mind and won't let go. It may be after I watch a movie like "What Dreams May Come," "Dogma," "A.I." or even "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey." It may be during a sermon at church where the preacher is expounding on the heavenly kingdom and what I have to do to gain access to it. It may be when I read the newspaper about the umpteenth murder or suicide of the year.

But it'll manifest itself. What happens after my death and will I like it. Sometimes it will quietly drive me crazy trying to comprehend infinity.

One author who had an interesting take on eternal life was Douglas Adams (who himself, unfortunately, died earlier this year). There's a character in his "Life, The Universe, And Everything" novel named Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged. A freak accident involving an irrational particle accelerator, a liquid lunch and a pair of rubber bands, turned him into an immortal being.

At first, he enjoyed his immortality, outliving all of his friends and doing all sorts of crazy stunts. But after a few thousand years, after seeing all the movies in the universe over 33,000 times, boredom and resentment set in. Ultimately, in the quest of finding new things to do in an endless life, he ended up insulting everyone in the universe in alphabetical order.

And that's my main cause of concern. Once I've done everything that a free spirit can do in however long it takes, give or take a few million years, will I end up bored? And if there's no end at all to my otherworldly existence, how am I going to cope with having absolutely nothing new to do for the next several million years? It's enough to make me nervous, especially since I know death is unavoidable.

Maybe, as I mentioned, I won't really care. I hear the brain is the first to go in a natural death. I won't have any concerns about the afterlife because my sense of worry will be gone. And as my body decays underground, brain included, my subconsciousness will eventually disappear into an indifferent nothingness.

Maybe I'll automatically materialize in a new life elsewhere with my mind as a blank slate. Although reincarnation sounds like a good idea, it's a roll of the dice. Will I be born as a healthy new arrival into a rich family, or a crack baby in a rough neighborhood? Or will I even end up as an animal? All I know is, I don't know if I want to experience childhood again, with all its unglamorous and embarrassing downsides.

Furthermore, I hope the afterlife isn't the way that Thornton Wilder depicted in his "Our Town" play. Your spirit just sitting there at your gravesite. Not being able to do much except relive moments of your past life. Not a fun way to spend eternity, if you ask me.

Or maybe the Christian church had it right all along... the heaven or hell thing. If you followed God's way perfectly, you win the all access pass to heaven. If you broke his almighty laws without remorse or repentance, you go straight to hell, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

And us Catholics seem to throw more bureaucracy into the afterlife mix, with purgatory, indulgences (which is the purgatory equivalent for "time off for good behavior") and all that. I know I'm not perfect in God's eyes, and I hope to completely make up for any sinful moments once I get my life straightened out. At any rate, I certainly don't want to find out, in the literal sense, what in hell is going on.

So that's what's been on my mind lately, in this first installment. I'll keep these old rants archived when I'm ready to add something new to this section. And as for what I'm in for after I die... I guess I'll just find out eventually, as everyone else did or will.

Cheerful note to end on, eh? Have a nice day.

Intro

08.03.04 (8:19 am) [edit]

Hey there... I'm just moving in. My name is Thomas Overbeck, and I've been maintaining a web presence for eight years now. Since 2001, I've been doing my own blogs on my website... I've called them "commentaries" since at that time I wasn't aware of the term "blog". On average I've had a new blog per month... and one of the reasons I've decided to move to a blog service was maybe it would encourage me to post my thoughts more often.

Over the next few days, I'll be reposting all of my past works on here, in the order that I did them. And when all that's done, I'll start putting up new ones again. Hopefully you'll be able to gain more insight into how I tick after reading through all of these.

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